What to say to a sister who attends multiple churches and small groups?

[Presbyterian Continuist]

It's not that the various churches in a region are refusing to have fellowship with one another. It's more of a practical result of the fact that people don't have time to invest in the lives of two, three, four congregations. Is there any other area of life where hopping around is considered good? How would you feel towards someone who takes college classes at five different universities and never getting a degree? How would you feel towards someone who chooses to work at five different companies at the same time?

And why does this have to be made out to be a denominational thing? Nothing in the issue at hand relates to denominational differences. Would you feel differently if she decided to attend five different Pentecostal churches at the same time? Say you met this sister at your church and learned that she attended five other churches in the city. Would this behavior be encouraged or discouraged? If so, then is there any reason in your mind in which it would not be a good idea?

And is she really better off spiritually? Because the Christian life is not just about fellowship. There are things like teaching, exhortation, deeper relationships, discipleship, various ministries and missions that one does not get to truly experience without connection and time.

Actually, attending a number of churches could be called "rotational grazing".

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

??? I don't know what it's like where you are, but in the city where I live, the various denominations don't generally carry on like you describe. Oh, the Roman Catholic church has the "true church" thing going on, but the Evangelical Free, Missionary Alliance, Mennonite Brethren, Baptist, Calvary Temple, Presbyterian and many non-denominational churches are more in agreement in their fundamental doctrines than not. And so, there is a good deal of interaction among these denominations in my home city, not the divisiveness you seem to think is universal and "irreparably damaging" the Church.

When I write of the Church (big C), I am referring to the Bride of Christ, the Body of Believers, of which all born-again disciples of Christ in whatever denomination are members.

How many times a month do all these churches get together and have combined services? Are the elders and pastors of these churches recognised as such in all the churches, and are the the preachers of each church invited to preach in all the others on a regular basis?

If not, then they can agree all they like on doctrine, but any talk of true unity among them is just fooey!

 

[Archivist]

I see nothing wrong with what this young lady is doing. At some point she will probably find and join a church. Until then there is nothing wrong with visiting multiple churches, either attending services or Bible studies. And if she never finds a home church that certainly isn’t a problem for God.

 

[eleos1954]

Recently, a sister joined our Bible study group but only sporadically. After a few months, we reached out to her because we had heard through mutual acquaintances that she has been attending other small groups and other churches in the area as well.

When the issue was brought to her attention, she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray. She desires to grow and connect with the body of Christ as a whole. Therefore, she attends two churches regularly, is connected to at least three small groups as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), PRISM, and Intervarsity on a local college campus. She says she strongly believes in the body of Christ.

Now, that is all fine and dandy but my view point differs a bit. I believe that though we do subscribe to a concept of the global Church at large, that there is benefit to committing and rooting oneself in a local church, submitting to its teachings, knowing its people, and being known by them as well. However, this seems to fall of deaf ears.

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray

she is correct.

"What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue?"

Seems to me all should be welcomed ... anyone at any time and not question their reason(s) nor their attendance record.

she responded .... that's what she believes (her viewpoint) and should be respected.

I don't understand why it is being made an "issue"?

 

[aiki]

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

I didn't actually answer this part of your post in my first response to you. Let me do so now. There's not much, really, you can do about this woman's behaviour. Pray for an opportunity to challenge her on her thinking and behavior. Not aggressively, of course, but just pointing out from Scripture the unbiblical way she is carrying on in refusing to settle into a particular church community. Questions rather than accusations often work well in highlighting faulty thinking and behaviour. Beyond this, there isn't much else you can do. God has to bring her 'round to a proper understanding of what it means to be "members one of another."

 

[aiki]

How many times a month do all these churches get together and have combined services? Are the elders and pastors of these churches recognised as such in all the churches, and are the the preachers of each church invited to preach in all the others on a regular basis?

If not, then they can agree all they like on doctrine, but any talk of true unity among them is just fooey!

I don't mean to be rude, but who made you the Final Arbiter of what constitutes "true unity" among the various denominations in my home city?

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Recently, a sister joined our Bible study group but only sporadically. After a few months, we reached out to her because we had heard through mutual acquaintances that she has been attending other small groups and other churches in the area as well.

When the issue was brought to her attention, she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray. She desires to grow and connect with the body of Christ as a whole. Therefore, she attends two churches regularly, is connected to at least three small groups as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), PRISM, and Intervarsity on a local college campus. She says she strongly believes in the body of Christ.

Now, that is all fine and dandy but my view point differs a bit. I believe that though we do subscribe to a concept of the global Church at large, that there is benefit to committing and rooting oneself in a local church, submitting to its teachings, knowing its people, and being known by them as well. However, this seems to fall of deaf ears.

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

She is a Christian that knows what it means to be in the Body of Christ. We are all one Body, not just a foot or an arm spread out among congregations, but one. She is more evolved in this matter and should probably not be reprimand. There is nothing that stops her scripturally from sharing the love of Christ among like minded brothers and sisters in her sphere of influence. I pray that she finds other mature Christians that see her walk as an example of what Christ's teaching supports,that He always intended for His Church to be , United.
John 17
20 “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.

Blessings

 

[NW82]

Recently, a sister joined our Bible study group but only sporadically. After a few months, we reached out to her because we had heard through mutual acquaintances that she has been attending other small groups and other churches in the area as well.

When the issue was brought to her attention, she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray. She desires to grow and connect with the body of Christ as a whole. Therefore, she attends two churches regularly, is connected to at least three small groups as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), PRISM, and Intervarsity on a local college campus. She says she strongly believes in the body of Christ.

Now, that is all fine and dandy but my view point differs a bit. I believe that though we do subscribe to a concept of the global Church at large, that there is benefit to committing and rooting oneself in a local church, submitting to its teachings, knowing its people, and being known by them as well. However, this seems to fall of deaf ears.

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

You don't say anything, because there is nothing biblically wrong with it, unless of course the teaching is non biblical.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I don't mean to be rude, but who made you the Final Arbiter of what constitutes "true unity" among the various denominations in my home city?

How is asking a series of questions makes me the Final Arbiter? I guess if you can't give a reasonable answer to the questions, then try to discredit the questioner. An honest answer, and quite acceptable would be, "I don't know".

 

[misput]

Recently, a sister joined our Bible study group but only sporadically. After a few months, we reached out to her because we had heard through mutual acquaintances that she has been attending other small groups and other churches in the area as well.

When the issue was brought to her attention, she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray. She desires to grow and connect with the body of Christ as a whole. Therefore, she attends two churches regularly, is connected to at least three small groups as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), PRISM, and Intervarsity on a local college campus. She says she strongly believes in the body of Christ.

Now, that is all fine and dandy but my view point differs a bit. I believe that though we do subscribe to a concept of the global Church at large, that there is benefit to committing and rooting oneself in a local church, submitting to its teachings, knowing its people, and being known by them as well. However, this seems to fall of deaf ears.

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

At 80 years old and a lifetime dedicated to trying to be pleasing to God, I think the lady may have chosen a good approach. Most churches/gatherings are so full of problems (people) (opinions) (intolerance) (cliques) (judgementalness) (lacking in love, grace and humbleness)etc. etc. that it is no wonder we are constantly in a state of dying and reforming.

 

[danielmears]

My daughter attends a few churches at times. She has a hunger for the Word and listens to different pastors exhort on different topics. She also has friends who invite her to events at different churches. She loves the entire worship experience and the girl spoken of may as well. Eventually, they may only attend one local church but in the meantime you could learn about exciting ministeries going on if you talk to them, with love!

 

[danbuter]

It's none of your business how many churches she attends. Why are you being so nosy?

 

[JAYPT]

Recently, a sister joined our Bible study group but only sporadically. After a few months, we reached out to her because we had heard through mutual acquaintances that she has been attending other small groups and other churches in the area as well.

When the issue was brought to her attention, she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray. She desires to grow and connect with the body of Christ as a whole. Therefore, she attends two churches regularly, is connected to at least three small groups as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), PRISM, and Intervarsity on a local college campus. She says she strongly believes in the body of Christ.

Now, that is all fine and dandy but my view point differs a bit. I believe that though we do subscribe to a concept of the global Church at large, that there is benefit to committing and rooting oneself in a local church, submitting to its teachings, knowing its people, and being known by them as well. However, this seems to fall of deaf ears.

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

So I guess my question is why would you talk to her? When did it become about our track record of appearance at a church or a meeting?

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

not sure how one can be under the authority of elders or truly use the talents, gifts, abilities, and resources to help a congregation if they're constantly bouncing around. no one can count on you for anything if you're going to be gone for weeks or months at a time. being a member of a congregation isn't just about meeting new people and attending social events. it's about submission to leadership as well as holding each other accountable.

quite frankly, with the answer she gave you when asked about the issue, she would be less a part of the body of Christ and more of a religious social floater. the flaws of such a philosophy would become obvious if everyone did this, including elders.

as far as what you can do about it, there isn't much you can do, which is an illustration of the problem of what she is doing as no one can hold her accountable for anything. much of what scripture requires of us as members of the congregation require us to be in community which involves meeting together and being together on a consistent basis.

I do agree with those who say you should leave your door open, be welcoming, and invite her to whatever events or functions you may have. that would be the best way to get to know her better.

 

[aiki]

How is asking a series of questions makes me the Final Arbiter? I guess if you can't give a reasonable answer to the questions, then try to discredit the questioner. An honest answer, and quite acceptable would be, "I don't know".

Your questions assumed a standard - one apparently derived from yourself. As well, you didn't just ask questions; you also made a very confident assertion:

"If not, then they can agree all they like on doctrine, but any talk of true unity among them is just fooey!"

Sounds to me like you've made yourself judge, jury and executioner when it comes to what constitutes proper church unity. And so I ask again: Who made you the Final Arbiter concerning what is or isn't proper (or "true," to use your term) church unity?

 

[aiki]

Following are excerpts from an article I wrote for people considering membership at the church I attend that are, I think, pertinent to this thread:

"In the Early Church described in Acts and in the letters of Paul, Peter and John, there was, in any particular locale, only one church. And so, if one wanted to be a properly-functioning member of the Church, the Body of Christ, one had to associate with one of these communities of the saints. There were no other options. If one lived in Ephesus and was part of the Ephesian church, leaving the church meant being completely cut-off from all Christian fellowship in Ephesus. There weren't dozens of other churches one could attend like there is today. Consequently, there was a natural strong involvement, born, in part, of a lack of options, that the first Christians had in their local body of fellow believers. There was also severe persecution of Christians that further pressed the earliest believers together. The effect of these factors upon New Testament followers of Christ was to unite them in very close-knit, highly-committed communities.

In contrast to the deeply-united fellowship of believers we read of in Acts (Acts 2:44-47), modern believers in North America have an increasingly fluid attachment to the church(es) they attend. In nearly every city, town or village, there is a plurality of churches from which one may choose. In the very consumerist culture of North America, this creates in Christians a “buffet-style” attitude toward church allegiance: If a church doesn't quite suit a believer, it is a simple matter to move to another church down the road that does. And if that church does not satisfy, well, one can just move on to another, and another, and another. As one might expect, this creates a rather migratory species of Christian that tends to maintain tenuous fidelity to any and all communities of believers.

Such light loyalty to any community of believers comes at a spiritual cost. God intends that there be a deep intimacy, a rich communion relationally and spiritually between believers (Jn. 13:34, 35; Ro. 12:5; 1 Pe. 1:22; 1 Jn. 1:7), that fosters holiness (2 Cor. 7:1; Ro. 6:19; 1 Thess. 3:13; 4:7), love, a thorough knowledge of, and commitment to, God's truth (Eph. 4:11-15), and a united and persistent effort by believers to fulfill the two great mandates God has set for the Church: Evangelism and the making of disciples (Mk. 16:15; Matt. 28:19). When Christians float about from church to church, never seriously committing themselves to a particular community of believers, none of these things is achieved with the same success or in the same measure as when Christians bind themselves to one another in a strongly-committed fellowship of believers."

And from farther on in the article:

"Paul the apostle wrote that “a little leaven leavens the whole lump.” (1 Cor. 5:6) That is, a little sin (leaven) in the life of an individual believer has a damaging effect spiritually upon the entire community of believers to which they belong. For this reason, accountability is extremely important for every local church body. ...accountability...assists the Church in being holy which is essential to fellowship with God, to obtaining His blessing, and to being properly useful to Him."

 

[salt-n-light]

Recently, a sister joined our Bible study group but only sporadically. After a few months, we reached out to her because we had heard through mutual acquaintances that she has been attending other small groups and other churches in the area as well.

When the issue was brought to her attention, she responded by saying that church is not just one building or one congregation (which I tend to agree with) but rather it is whenever 2 or more believers come together to pray. She desires to grow and connect with the body of Christ as a whole. Therefore, she attends two churches regularly, is connected to at least three small groups as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), PRISM, and Intervarsity on a local college campus. She says she strongly believes in the body of Christ.

Now, that is all fine and dandy but my view point differs a bit. I believe that though we do subscribe to a concept of the global Church at large, that there is benefit to committing and rooting oneself in a local church, submitting to its teachings, knowing its people, and being known by them as well. However, this seems to fall of deaf ears.

What are your thoughts and how can I speak to this sister about this issue? She comes to our small group fairly regularly but there are times when she doesn't come for months and will sporadically come to our church service.

I don't see it as an issue per say. But if her goal is to make deep connections and participate in growing with people in terms of ministry, then her approach won't serve her too well, as there is a lack in consistency and commitment. Yes, we are all body of Christ, so we are all connected spiritually. But the point of assembling locally and finding I guess a "home church" is to grow with a congregation, learn and be acquainted with the leaders and teachers, form a strong fellowship and bond, and contribute to the ministry that both serve its attendees and local communities. If she's going more for the missionary route, then maybe her tactic is ok, but it still would be beneficial to have a home church to go back to for resource. So I am in agreement with you.

I would not pitch it as if its a sin or a big issue, because its not. But I would make reason with her and flush out in casual conversation some of the cons of her approach of congregating. Basically, figure out what her end goal of going to multiple churches and have her see if it's a wise choice to bounce from church to church like that. Is she doing it just to make a point, or is she doing it to someone organize a bigger vision? Is she trying to merge them together somehow, or is it only to serve herself? How involved is she in there services, does she even want to be involve and serve, or is she looking to just make friends?

But who knows, maybe she is able to make deep bonds, but at the same time, I do see deep connections being more likely with those who attend the same services consistently in comparison to those that only appear in certain activities.

The only thing I would ask before you even approach her is how close are you with this sister? Are you close friends? Or is this someone you're just observing from afar. I wouldn't advise then to approach her if you two don't even have that much of a bond to freely talk about it. If youre only hearing it through the grapevine what she is doing, then im guessing that maybe it wouldn't be your place to confront her.

 

[MournfulWatcher]

I hopped around for a while too until I settled into the right church. She may eventually find a place she prefers and stay there.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Neither perspective is wrong if it's about what's best for each person or specific church. The Lord has a plan for all of us and I don't believe it's the same. You don't know whether she's helped or hindered by seeking and serving God in the Church this way, so I wouldn't judge but try to understand. As for you and the other members, y'all also need to seek and serve the way that's best for Him. Is her schedule of commitment actively hindering y'all? Is she any help when there? As suggested, why can't each of you feeling the need for a personal connection approach her and get to know her not only there but possibly elsewhere?

 

[Mississippi_YaYa]

I would say just to talk directly to her about it. It is obvious that you desire for her to be a part of your group on a regular basis. Tell her that. Maybe she needs to hear it. I think there are some very important aspects of small groups that people seek. One is that she may be going to different groups that are having studies on topics or by authors that she finds interesting or uplifting. But the other thing is to produce that human bond and connection as a sister in Christ. Now there is nothing better than that. Tell her that you want her to have that with your group. I bet it will make the difference. Sometimes we all just need to know that we are truly invited to be a part of the group. As a woman who moved to a new state in middle age and had to start brand new at a new place, it can seem overwhelming to bond into those already long formed relationships within the church. Maybe she just needs to hear it. I really think its great that you are concerned about her. I wish you a long friendship and sisterhood in Christ together.