- Mar 7, 2018
- 250
- 131
- 40
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
I feel like giving up...I wish for reconciliation with all those people from my past so much...I don't understand how anyone can look at the Bible and say it doesn't say to reconcile. Anyways, I have so many hurts, but this last one just broke me and I don't know if I'll ever recover. My first experience was my only Christian friend invited me to church and that same week said there was nothing in the Bible that said we had to be friends, and completely cut me off...that was my first week of church. Needless to say, I was very confused...I liked what I read in the Bible...but nothing of what I saw in the church. So some years later I finally gave another church a try. A former coworker approached me and told me to leave and find somewhere else...no explanation given. I had never had issues with this person prior. Fast forward to a third church...I was in a relationship with a girl and the relationship did not work out...however after the relationship she told the pastor she would leave if I kept going...the pastor said he agreed with me but said I should leave until she moved away the following year and then I could return. I did not. Fast forward to now an AG church....and for many years, this one seemed fine. After much pushing and me being reluctant, the youth pastor convinced me to help him with youth group....it was because he wanted to step down as he was secretly in a relationship with one of the youth. I was serving, I became a deacon...this church seemed great, and virtually nobody had any issues with me, until one day. After several years, in what seemed completely out of the blue, the pastor's daughters avoided me, and his son approached me and said I was "barely tolerable." This insult spurred mental health problems, ruminating, overthinking, delusions, hallucinations, and depression for several months. The pastor said there was no animosity, they care about me, and that it's hard to love my neighbor when I don't love myself, and he was working on boundaries, and my actions have consequences, and that he wants to give me the space I need to move forward...following this one of his daughters blocked me on facebook and his other family members unfollowed my instagram...they still confuse me from time to time as they will like my facebook posts occasionally or write happy birthday...but they haven't apologized for anything they've said and don't seem to think anything is wrong. I've spoken to the other deacons and the other pastor. They got a completely one-sided story from the pastor, and even without my side told him I didn't do anything wrong; and when I told them my side, one deacon even said he was in the wrong, while the others took the approach they need time to heal...but wasn't I the one who was insulted here? Christians have been the most hateful and most painful people I've ever had to deal with, even more than my family; and the last story has had the most devastating effect on my faith and well-being, more so than anything in my life.