- Dec 4, 2018
- 4
- 3
- 42
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Separated
I stumbled across this site in my pursuit of direction. I'm in a tough place. I am married to the love of my life. We've been together 12 years, married 6. We are a blended family; he has two sons, i have two daughters, and we share a son. I am a Christian, he was raised Muslim, but does not practice Islam, and we raise our children as Christians. This is just to paint a clearer picture of our dynamic.
I am contemplating a separation and even divorce. As much as I love him and dont want that, I also feel like I have no choice. My husband has, on multiple occasions, had emotional affairs. It's never been something where he falls in love with other women, but he flirts with them, and will even say he isn't married. He has struggled a lot with being financially stable. He's been through 5 jobs in 5 years, studied refrigeration (which didn't pan out for him), became a realtor, all while i financially supported us. It was in his lowest points, when he seeks out this validation from women. I always catch him, and he ends it. But just when i think we're OK and on the right track, he blind sides me again.
In this year alone, we have suffered so much loss. He lost his sister, lost his job, lost our home, lost our vehicle, is losing his father, and is trying to get real estate business off the ground and we moved in with friend and had to relocate far from where i work. Again, I am the sole provider. Which is not a complaint. I would take on whatever I needed to for us to keep moving forward. I have loved him through all we have gone through, I have been forgiving, I have extended grace, I have modeled Christ in our marriage in all aspects. I'm not perfect but I have tried to be a support for my husband as much as possible. In March, I found out about a girl he was talking to. It crushed me this was like the 5th - 10th time (I cant keep count!). I drew a line in the sand, and said ENOUGH! I told him, that I would stick with him no matter what came our way, but would not forgive another indiscretion! I explained to him, that him flirting with woman via text or online was CHEATING in my book and would not accept that from him any more! I have always said this! And yet here we are again, in December and I found another girl on his social media. She said they were just friends. Nothing inappropriate happening between them, but he was deleting their conversations! I am LIVID!!
I am a strong woman. I have overcome A LOT in my life. I became a single mom at 15, then again at 25, I finished, HS then got my degree and did it all by myself! I do not have self-esteem issues and I DO know my worth. But I want to be obedient to what God wants and not make decisions based on my anger and how used I feel. I feel I should walk away, maybe separate, maybe divorce but I feel so conflicted because my Pastor's tell me God is for marriages staying together. So do I stay?? Is that what God wants?? I feel like to stay is to accept this behavior which is why he keeps doing it. He knows I am a christian, he knows i believe in forgiveness and he plays on that. He swears he wont do it again. He tells me he knows he's wrong, and then BAM! He does it again. And i feel like he really thinks, as long as its not physical, he's not really cheating. I'm lost. I have stayed. I have been obedient. I have extended grace. But as the daughter of the Most High, is this what I am to accept from a man I have been loyal to for yearsss? There are other big issues we have on our plate to deal with and we can never even focus on them, because I am always recovering from another one of his affairs. He is a terrible step-parent to my girls, he ignores them, doesn't talk to them, isn't mean but isnt' kind either which to me is the same thing. All of these things make me feel like, "whyyyyyy am I still here???" What am I teaching my children??
I don't understand what the Godly thing to do is? I am so lost! Anyone?
I am contemplating a separation and even divorce. As much as I love him and dont want that, I also feel like I have no choice. My husband has, on multiple occasions, had emotional affairs. It's never been something where he falls in love with other women, but he flirts with them, and will even say he isn't married. He has struggled a lot with being financially stable. He's been through 5 jobs in 5 years, studied refrigeration (which didn't pan out for him), became a realtor, all while i financially supported us. It was in his lowest points, when he seeks out this validation from women. I always catch him, and he ends it. But just when i think we're OK and on the right track, he blind sides me again.
In this year alone, we have suffered so much loss. He lost his sister, lost his job, lost our home, lost our vehicle, is losing his father, and is trying to get real estate business off the ground and we moved in with friend and had to relocate far from where i work. Again, I am the sole provider. Which is not a complaint. I would take on whatever I needed to for us to keep moving forward. I have loved him through all we have gone through, I have been forgiving, I have extended grace, I have modeled Christ in our marriage in all aspects. I'm not perfect but I have tried to be a support for my husband as much as possible. In March, I found out about a girl he was talking to. It crushed me this was like the 5th - 10th time (I cant keep count!). I drew a line in the sand, and said ENOUGH! I told him, that I would stick with him no matter what came our way, but would not forgive another indiscretion! I explained to him, that him flirting with woman via text or online was CHEATING in my book and would not accept that from him any more! I have always said this! And yet here we are again, in December and I found another girl on his social media. She said they were just friends. Nothing inappropriate happening between them, but he was deleting their conversations! I am LIVID!!
I am a strong woman. I have overcome A LOT in my life. I became a single mom at 15, then again at 25, I finished, HS then got my degree and did it all by myself! I do not have self-esteem issues and I DO know my worth. But I want to be obedient to what God wants and not make decisions based on my anger and how used I feel. I feel I should walk away, maybe separate, maybe divorce but I feel so conflicted because my Pastor's tell me God is for marriages staying together. So do I stay?? Is that what God wants?? I feel like to stay is to accept this behavior which is why he keeps doing it. He knows I am a christian, he knows i believe in forgiveness and he plays on that. He swears he wont do it again. He tells me he knows he's wrong, and then BAM! He does it again. And i feel like he really thinks, as long as its not physical, he's not really cheating. I'm lost. I have stayed. I have been obedient. I have extended grace. But as the daughter of the Most High, is this what I am to accept from a man I have been loyal to for yearsss? There are other big issues we have on our plate to deal with and we can never even focus on them, because I am always recovering from another one of his affairs. He is a terrible step-parent to my girls, he ignores them, doesn't talk to them, isn't mean but isnt' kind either which to me is the same thing. All of these things make me feel like, "whyyyyyy am I still here???" What am I teaching my children??
I don't understand what the Godly thing to do is? I am so lost! Anyone?