I've been in an online long distance relationship with this guy for almost half a year. I suspect he is BPD and it is wearing me down. We met on Reddit in April and messaged each other for months and later started texting each other. From the beginning I knew the guy was depressed, and I tried to help him sort through his thoughts because I am good at listening to people and giving them a chance to air out their feelings. Well after a while I started to develop feelings for him and we became really close despite never having met each other. He helped me a lot when I was going through a health crisis in the summer and I felt like I had found my soul mate. We have a lot in common and can sense when the other is feeling bad without saying anything.
At first I thought maybe he was just simply depressed. He had a really dysfunctional childhood with an emotionally abusive father and absent mother that were divorced. He was bullied and had a hard time fitting in. I also suspect his church religiously abused him because he feels like he deserves hell and is a bad person beyond repair. When he was in high school he wanted to commit suicide but never went through with it. It is a sad situation and my heart longs to comfort him and be a safe place for him, but I am wearing thin. I am realizing I cannot save him.
He has good days where he feels relatively okay, but then something will happen and suddenly his mood shifts from okay to severe depressive. He has a very low sense of self-worth and "hates" anyone who compliments him (have no idea how that thought process works). He refuses to believe he can ever be happy. He hates his parents and everyone in the world. A sweet old man gave him donuts at work one time and he complained to me how angry he was at him for doing so. It was bizarre. It's almost as if he wants to stay the way he is. I have suggested he go see a professional but he dodges the idea by claiming he will lose his job once people find out he is "crazy". He expects me to rescue him and I don't know what I have gotten myself into. We planned to meet each other after Christmas is over but now I am seriously wondering if that is even a good idea. I don't want to get mixed up with someone who is potentially abusive or will hurt me if I do something to tick him off.
But I do love this guy. On his good days he is funny and caring and very sweet. I hate how mental illness has taken hold of him and turned him into something he is not. But I can't let myself be weighed down by him. He is sucking the life out of me. Help!
At first I thought maybe he was just simply depressed. He had a really dysfunctional childhood with an emotionally abusive father and absent mother that were divorced. He was bullied and had a hard time fitting in. I also suspect his church religiously abused him because he feels like he deserves hell and is a bad person beyond repair. When he was in high school he wanted to commit suicide but never went through with it. It is a sad situation and my heart longs to comfort him and be a safe place for him, but I am wearing thin. I am realizing I cannot save him.
He has good days where he feels relatively okay, but then something will happen and suddenly his mood shifts from okay to severe depressive. He has a very low sense of self-worth and "hates" anyone who compliments him (have no idea how that thought process works). He refuses to believe he can ever be happy. He hates his parents and everyone in the world. A sweet old man gave him donuts at work one time and he complained to me how angry he was at him for doing so. It was bizarre. It's almost as if he wants to stay the way he is. I have suggested he go see a professional but he dodges the idea by claiming he will lose his job once people find out he is "crazy". He expects me to rescue him and I don't know what I have gotten myself into. We planned to meet each other after Christmas is over but now I am seriously wondering if that is even a good idea. I don't want to get mixed up with someone who is potentially abusive or will hurt me if I do something to tick him off.
But I do love this guy. On his good days he is funny and caring and very sweet. I hate how mental illness has taken hold of him and turned him into something he is not. But I can't let myself be weighed down by him. He is sucking the life out of me. Help!