- Aug 31, 2018
- 22
- 18
- 26
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I will first like to start of saying thank you for reading my story and if you have any advice that would be amazing or if you are just pasting by Hello I hope you have a wonderful day.
I love my daddy but I do not love what he does to me or how he treats me. How he treats me makes me feel even more alone in this world than I already do. My dad is the first person I ever trusted and told what I was going through spiritually. Such as me seeing things and getting scared by demonic things sadly. Knowing that my dad is a christian man and I was brought up believing in the spiritual realm and my dad even saying he has experienced things I though he would be able to help me maybe or understand. But to me I feel he did not understand he blamed me by saying if I prayed more this wouldn't happen to me. I was around seven at the time when he told me this and though I admit I did not pray like I should and sadly at 21 I can say I do not pray like i should still to this day I just looking back on it now I wish he helped me. I wish he brought me to church so I get help with the spiritual things i am going through. Or even so I could find out who I was to God or what was going on with me. I have lived a life of confusion and its gotten worst and worst to the place where mentally I can not care for myself anymore like I used to. As of June of this year my OCD became so bad that I could do nothing for myself because I am scared of my body. As of now I am still going through it but I am getting help for it. I just wish my dad helped me like I helped when. When my parents had their divorce i was there with my dad at age 14 through it all. Basically ever day until I was 17 or 18 I would hear my dad talking about how my mom was a cheater. He even showed me proof sadly when I was 13 or 14. Through it all I was there for him and I still am even when he says things like I do not love him or that he is going to move away because I was not able to come to his house that day. Through it all I still loved him and tried to help him and my mom. Though in return I am alone I have no one by my side truly. This is the time I really need him though because not only are me and my boyfriend going through spiritual issues but other people in my family are as well. Though he knows some of whats going on with me he still judges me saying its my fault for not praying but he doesn't know what I have gone through spiritually and mentally. Me and my boyfriend are under severe oppression though I believe he is basically possessed because he has blackouts where he remembers nothing but during those blackouts he sometimes hurts me. Either physically or sexually. Thank God he did not rape me but I just wish my dad was able to get the help for me back then including me mom as well. As a child my mom went through spiritual oppression or even possession though due to what i heard from my dad and brother it was most likely possession. My cousin even had a dream about he trying to get into my house to protect me because a demonic looking thing was beating me. With all those signs there I was still left alone. I not only do not know why I am inside but I do not know my purpose why I am alive and I have so much hate for myself. I may have my boyfriend who is here for me during this trying time in my life but I feel it is just a time before he lives me too. He says he loves me and he will love me no matter what but I know due to the way i feel and think about certain things i could never become a wife. I want to stay celibate for my entire life and though he said he will marry me still I fear that he will never truly be happy. I need my dad he is all I have truly but I am alone and I do not know what to do. I may be getting help spiritually and hopefully soon I will get a deliverance but that still doesn't change the fact. I am broken and alone and all I want is to feel love and like i will never be alone no matter what happens in life I just want love and to be finally happy.
I love my daddy but I do not love what he does to me or how he treats me. How he treats me makes me feel even more alone in this world than I already do. My dad is the first person I ever trusted and told what I was going through spiritually. Such as me seeing things and getting scared by demonic things sadly. Knowing that my dad is a christian man and I was brought up believing in the spiritual realm and my dad even saying he has experienced things I though he would be able to help me maybe or understand. But to me I feel he did not understand he blamed me by saying if I prayed more this wouldn't happen to me. I was around seven at the time when he told me this and though I admit I did not pray like I should and sadly at 21 I can say I do not pray like i should still to this day I just looking back on it now I wish he helped me. I wish he brought me to church so I get help with the spiritual things i am going through. Or even so I could find out who I was to God or what was going on with me. I have lived a life of confusion and its gotten worst and worst to the place where mentally I can not care for myself anymore like I used to. As of June of this year my OCD became so bad that I could do nothing for myself because I am scared of my body. As of now I am still going through it but I am getting help for it. I just wish my dad helped me like I helped when. When my parents had their divorce i was there with my dad at age 14 through it all. Basically ever day until I was 17 or 18 I would hear my dad talking about how my mom was a cheater. He even showed me proof sadly when I was 13 or 14. Through it all I was there for him and I still am even when he says things like I do not love him or that he is going to move away because I was not able to come to his house that day. Through it all I still loved him and tried to help him and my mom. Though in return I am alone I have no one by my side truly. This is the time I really need him though because not only are me and my boyfriend going through spiritual issues but other people in my family are as well. Though he knows some of whats going on with me he still judges me saying its my fault for not praying but he doesn't know what I have gone through spiritually and mentally. Me and my boyfriend are under severe oppression though I believe he is basically possessed because he has blackouts where he remembers nothing but during those blackouts he sometimes hurts me. Either physically or sexually. Thank God he did not rape me but I just wish my dad was able to get the help for me back then including me mom as well. As a child my mom went through spiritual oppression or even possession though due to what i heard from my dad and brother it was most likely possession. My cousin even had a dream about he trying to get into my house to protect me because a demonic looking thing was beating me. With all those signs there I was still left alone. I not only do not know why I am inside but I do not know my purpose why I am alive and I have so much hate for myself. I may have my boyfriend who is here for me during this trying time in my life but I feel it is just a time before he lives me too. He says he loves me and he will love me no matter what but I know due to the way i feel and think about certain things i could never become a wife. I want to stay celibate for my entire life and though he said he will marry me still I fear that he will never truly be happy. I need my dad he is all I have truly but I am alone and I do not know what to do. I may be getting help spiritually and hopefully soon I will get a deliverance but that still doesn't change the fact. I am broken and alone and all I want is to feel love and like i will never be alone no matter what happens in life I just want love and to be finally happy.