How do you know when you’ve truly forgiven someone?
I’ve heard that if you have a chance to get even with someone who has wronged you and you don’t take it, then you’re over it. But if you have that opportunity and you do take it, then you’re not over it.
BUT.....what if you wouldn’t take an opportunity to get even, but you’re still affected by what they did or said?
The way I examine myself is:
(1) to imagine a scenario where I'm angry and trying to justify what I'm saying by trying to put the other person down. With that anger (and its associated irrationality), would I feel like verbally throwing that past offense against me back at them?
(2) The Lord forgets our sin when we have truly repented (except to continue to help us). If the person hurt me the same way, would I use the fact they've done it before against them? That is, have I forgotten the sin in my heart? (Remember that
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22, 1984 NIV)
(3) In the future when I remember the past hurt, I re-examine myself with the above questions. I have had to let go of the desire to hurt them back (forgive them in my heart) even after I thought I had forgiven them in my heart.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13, 1984 NIV)
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.’” (Mark 11:25, 1984 NIV)
One verse in what is called The Lord's Prayer is:
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. (Matthew 6:12, 1984 NIV)
And this follows:
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15, 1984 NIV)
I often add this request after praying Matthew 6:12 (quoted above):
and please help me forgive everyone swiftly from my heart (genuinely).
Over the years it has become easier to genuinely forgive people. Sometimes an offense doesn't even offend me such that I feel like there is anything to forgive.