- Aug 23, 2018
- 9
- 26
- 24
- Country
- Russian Federation
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Single
I have been thinking about myself and my life lately. I try to be a good Christian but I found out that the only thing that is refraining me from commiting very wrong acts is the fear of burning in hell forever. That's it. I can't think of myself as a good Christian anymore. I dislike to say it but my love for God is barely noticeable. Oh, and by "wrong acts" I mean EVIL acts, such as cheating people out of things, manipulating them into doing what I want, being physically cruel to animals and more. I don't know why, but I sometimes feel a sudden urge to torture animals. Even thinking about it makes my heart race. It gives me a sadistic pleasure. I have daydreams about having unlimited power and success, beating people up and more. I think of people that annoyed me years ago. Four years ago a boy pushed me and today I imagined myself doing what I was too scared to do back then (because I was at school). I mean, if he had pushed me these days, I would have beat him up so hard that he'd be lucky to be able to wake up... in the hospital.
I hope I haven't horrified nobody.
Long story short: if I didn't believe in God, morals wouldn't exist in my life. I'd do pretty much everything within the bounds of the law.
What I'm trying to say is that I'd like to stop fearing the hell and start loving God...
Thank you.
Btw: I'm female, 18.
I hope I haven't horrified nobody.
Long story short: if I didn't believe in God, morals wouldn't exist in my life. I'd do pretty much everything within the bounds of the law.
What I'm trying to say is that I'd like to stop fearing the hell and start loving God...
Thank you.
Btw: I'm female, 18.