I apologize for my spelling I'm typing on my phone. So My husband cheated on me the first year of marriage. It was not an emotional affair with another women. He would come home late from work and I always felt that he was cheating on me and I wanted so bad to follow him to catch him but I never caught him. One day while he was in the shower I was going through his phone and I saw he was searching for a gentleman club. It crushed me to think that I was not enough to look at. So I asked him and he confessed that he did go to a strip club. So I forgave him I thought well its only a strip club he didn't sleep or touch these women. I told myself I knew it he was doing something wrong. After he confessed we decided to start going back to church n things were going great. I forgot to mention I was pregnant with our baby boy. After our baby was born I started to feel weird again n I thought to myself he is going to strip bars again. 3 months after our baby was born n us going to church he decided he wanted to tell me the truth it was the most scariest feeling in the world. My entire world was crumbling n I couldn't breathe. He confessed that he went to a massage parlor and had someone give him a handjob. I was so hurt and days later I once again forgave him I thought ok ok it was only a handjob. I didn't know what a massage parlor was or what they did I thought ppl went to get massages n that's all. I thought I knew stuff but apparently not. Well maybe a couple weeks after telling me he was speaking to his pastor n the pastor told me that he wanted to tell me the whole truth but only if I could handle it. I told her I dnt think I can but he confessed for the 3rd time. N admitted that he had gone to a number of massage parlors n that he also slept with these women n that he used protection every time. I drilled him with questions like if they were pretty, if he kissed them, if he performed oral to them n everything I could think of asking. He admitted to doing everything. I was hurt I wanted nothing to do with him. I love this man with my entire being so we decided to take counseling from our pastor. 2yrs now n he has changed n I believe he is faithful because God promised me a new husband n I believe it true. My only problem now is that I hate Asian women I wish they would all die. I have thoughts of burning these locations down. N I have Asian friends n wouldn't want to hurt them just the women in these locations. I dnt know how to remove this hate inside me. I thought I let go but apparently I have not. How can I serve God if I hate his children. I need prayer n help. I need to move on n stop living in fear.