Gotta admit - I walk the line in this discussion between both "sides". I don't necessarily mean this guy's case - because based upon what he's said and what he pointed to in the graph I posted - it doesn't sound like his wife has a HUGE problem. She isn't in great shape - but she's not a huge person either.
At the same time, however, I do take some issue with
@RDKirk 's assertion that you can train yourself to be attracted to anything...that it's merely a matter of will and the desire to do so. While that's true to a large extent - there are limits to it and I think some important caveats do need to be made.
How exactly does that work in the case of (as
@Tropical Wilds said) morbid negligent obesity? I'm not talking about people with just a few pounds to lose. I'm talking about the people that are MORBIDLY obese through every fault of their own. And there are people like that.
Could you "train" yourself to find that sexually appealing? And ought you?
I have serious questions about whether or not you could - and perhaps more controversially - I don't necessarily think (even if you could) that you should.
When I was a kid I was a pretty fat kid. By the time I got to my mid to late 20's - I got up to be around 340 lbs. Then a few things changed - and I made the decision to get rid of it. I dropped around 150 lbs in about 6 months - I went down to around 200 lbs (I'm 6'03") - and around 8% bodyfat. I kept it all off for about 10 years (then had kids and got a little sloppy and gained some back) - but now I've gotten rid of it again since I have more freedom now that they're a little older.
I can honestly say that's the best thing I ever did in my life for myself. And by and large - the reason why I was able to do it was entirely psychological. I made the decision and accepted the fact that being fat sucks. There is no good part of it. It will not get better -
that is how the world is, I'm a part of that world, and that's good. The importance of that last part cannot be overstated. Because understanding that made it so that I was not being pulled kicking and screaming into the process while internally bemoaning how unfair it was. I believe that's why I was good at it when so many people aren't.
So I get some real caution flags when I read things where people are saying they ought provide some refuge or place of comfort for people with a real imperative to make changes. And if you're in the morbid negligent obesity camp - you really ought make some changes. Giving that kind of person a safe space IMHO does nobody any favors. "Hey, you're bound to a lark for the rest of your life with untold health problems, but for a few years you felt accepted".
I think that sometime change is necessary - and the more moral/loving thing to do is to press the issue. Now, how to do that in the context of a marriage, I don't know. I've never been faced with the issue. It would require some thought. But I do have a lot of problems with the "refuge" idea.
Once again - doesn't really apply in this case - lol - but I think it's important to qualify these types of conversations.