Not suffering fools

[Grace2022]

Being christian does not mean being a pushover or tolerating pure nonsense.
A woman at church has latched on to me. She sits beside me chatting incessantly. Destroying my peace. I go there to commune with God and reflect on life. Yes, i need to. She has many problems, i listen and sympathise, I've prayed for her. I am always polite. But her problems seemingly have no solutions. I do not see why i am obliged to be involved. Actually it's worse. I had invited her to my house several times, i regretted it. She has been turning up uninvited, wasting my time. She lives a chaotic disirganised life. I do not.
So i told her straight, i must have peace! I've told her i cannot have her coming round any longer and she must sit elsewhere at church. I mean, even as we take communion, she chats in between. I need that time to think, pray, reflect.i cannot be robbed of that, just once a week after all.

So i prayed about it, the answer came back. Get rid of her. She took it quite well actually. She apologised but then began giving me presents to say sorry! My heart goes out to her but really, i am so stressed out!

 

[r4.h]

Being christian does not mean being a pushover or tolerating pure nonsense.
A woman at church has latched on to me. She sits beside me chatting incessantly. Destroying my peace. I go there to commune with God and reflect on life. Yes, i need to. She has many problems, i listen and sympathise, I've prayed for her. I am always polite. But her problems seemingly have no solutions. I do not see why i am obliged to be involved. Actually it's worse. I had invited her to my house several times, i regretted it. She has been turning up uninvited, wasting my time. She lives a chaotic disirganised life. I do not.
So i told her straight, i must have peace! I've told her i cannot have her coming round any longer and she must sit elsewhere at church. I mean, even as we take communion, she chats in between. I need that time to think, pray, reflect.i cannot be robbed of that, just once a week after all.

So i prayed about it, the answer came back. Get rid of her. She took it quite well actually. She apologised but then began giving me presents to say sorry! My heart goes out to her but really, i am so stressed out!

"If your brother/sister sins against you....." Youve done this now stand your ground, don`t let the devil try make you feel guilt for having boundaries. Refuse the presents gently but firmly they still part of manipulation and control.
Let the Holy Spirit guide you in Loving firmness.

 

[Aino]

Well you've done the exact right thing. While the mission of the church is to welcome all kinds of strangers to church and to tolerate everyone's weaknesses, we must be able to take care of ourselves too and sometimes that means setting boundaries, like you've done to her now. I hope she'll find some more friends and get over to a more mature way of acting around others. It sounds like she doesn't have many people to talk to, maybe she's had a difficult life. Maybe try make her acquainted with a couple of new friends and encourage her to do something new and useful. When she'll have things to do and people to talk to, her troubles and problems won't have to take as big a share of her life and entire identity.

 

[R. Hartono]

You should introduce her to shepherds and other members at your church so she may hv more friends.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

A woman at church has latched on to me. She sits beside me chatting incessantly. Destroying my peace.
She lives a chaotic disirganised life. I do not.
I've told her i cannot have her coming round any longer and she must sit elsewhere at church.

I went through something like this with a lady at church one time. I finally had to take it to the pastor. Although he laid it all out to her very clearly she still pursued me. The pastor then assigned some ladies to work directly with her. It wasn't easy but, she finally got the message.

I recommend talking to a pastor or an elder.

M-Bob

 

[Yoona86]

deleted as i feel i was being too harsh.

 

[Yoona86]

Well you've done the exact right thing. While the mission of the church is to welcome all kinds of strangers to church and to tolerate everyone's weaknesses, we must be able to take care of ourselves too and sometimes that means setting boundaries, like you've done to her now. I hope she'll find some more friends and get over to a more mature way of acting around others. It sounds like she doesn't have many people to talk to, maybe she's had a difficult life. Maybe try make her acquainted with a couple of new friends and encourage her to do something new and useful. When she'll have things to do and people to talk to, her troubles and problems won't have to take as big a share of her life and entire identity.

setting boundaries involves considers one's own rights and balancing that out with others' rights

the OP has the right of take her self

but she does not have the right to infringe on the other woman's right of being talked to in a respectful manner.

PS i do give OP the benefit of the doubt that she did talk to this woman in a polite manner, in that case there is no problem.

 

[Aino]

setting boundaries involves considers one's own rights and balancing that out with others' rights

the OP has the right of take her self

but she does not have the right to infringe on the other woman's right of being talked to in a respectful manner.

PS i do give OP the benefit of the doubt that she did talk to this woman in a polite manner, in that case there is no problem.

You're absolutely right too. It didn't even cross my mind that the op would have been rude here, and I still don't doubt she's been respectful. But your post is also relevant to many situations and something to ponder for all of us. How can anyone with more difficulties then the average church goer start acting better if they get treated with disrespect and looked down at for having the problems they have. I think sometimes the most troubled among us need most love and respect and not the other way round. The big problem is just, that sometimes the burden of taking care of and loving one very suffering soul is put too heavily on one person and not divided between the many in church. Then something would need to happen in order for that one individual to be able to thrive as well.

 

[Grace2022]

i am sorry this happened to you

i just think that setting boundaries means you defend your own rights while take care not to infringe others' rights. which based on what you have shared here, you have been polite, but you also said the answer is to get rid of her and you are stressed....


you have the right to tell her not to come to your house or sit next to you, but just take care not to say rude things or hurtful about it

you have the right to not have your peace disturbed and have her drag you into her problems. she also has the right of being talked to in a respecful manner.

i will give you an example, years ago i knew this girl, who seem get impatient with people who asked her same thing twice. so you would say to her "so you should apply for immigration to here when you graduate" and she would be like "i will follow God where He is leading me" " yeah lifestyle is so much better here" it is at that point she barked like a rabid dog " GOD WILL DECIDE THAT!'

all she could said was in a firm but polite manner " it is something firmly for the Lord to decide" that would have been end of it

but i am sure in her mind, she feel she was entitled to not tolerate this type of "non sense" and she does not "tolerate" or be "respectuful"

the thing is if the situation is reversed she would not have tolerated being talked to like this.

if she have done this to me today, i would have slapped her.

it is not up to her to decide how others should be treated, it is certainly not up to her to decide that is it ok for her to treat others in a way that she does not want to be treated.

so back to your situation, you are absolutely entitled to have your peace, you are absolutely in the right to set firm boundaries.

but i don't think it is right for you to start calling the struggles she experiencing in her life as "non sense", that is not your call, and it is not for you to decide. it is also not up to you to decide how she should be treated, or be treated in a way that you would not tolerate yourself.

Hi
I agree. I am always polite and respectful. But i crave peace! So i am being firm and nice about it. My problem is i am a good listener, i do care. So i get taken advantage of.