Saw something scary at church

[Willie T]

OP, why did you not say anything to the pastor?

 

[Blade]

I saw my pastor in the bathroom with a disable girl. They weren't going anything bad but still the pastor should not be alone in the bathroom with this girl. What should I do? It look like the pastor didn't see anything wrong with it or anything.

Help also? My question is.. your 1st thought. WHO thinks those things? If you have a problem GO talk to the pastor not here. This is how gossip starts. So many will jump on this say things starts wrong evil thoughts. There is NOTHING wrong with this. If someone like that needed help.. I would.. you have no clue.. maybe she said please..or something happen..and he had to act fast.. blood of JESUS

 

[Willie T]

I do have to ask you, OP...... why did you state that what you saw was "scary" if you also stated in the same post that "They weren't going anything bad."

What did you feel was scary?

 

[Andrew77]

I saw my pastor in the bathroom with a disable girl. They weren't going anything bad but still the pastor should not be alone in the bathroom with this girl. What should I do? It look like the pastor didn't see anything wrong with it or anything.

Um... so much I would want to know. What is the size of the church, was no one else around, did the girl ask for help, and on and on.

If there was no logical reason the pastor was needed to help this girl, then that's a good point. He should delegate if at all possible.

Beyond that, I would talk to an elder in the church, and see if alternative support can be provided.

 

[Johnsloan]

I saw my pastor in the bathroom with a disable girl. They weren't going anything bad but still the pastor should not be alone in the bathroom with this girl. What should I do? It look like the pastor didn't see anything wrong with it or anything.

The problem here is your mind. What you should do is as the Lord to teach you not to blame anyone with out proof. Did you speak to the pastor about YOUR concerns?

 

[Introverted1293]

I think it could have been a lapse in judgement. That can happen to any Christian. For all we know the girl could have just asked for his help. But I don't know.

 

[Dave-W]

I saw my pastor in the bathroom with a disable girl. They weren't going anything bad but still the pastor should not be alone in the bathroom with this girl. What should I do? It look like the pastor didn't see anything wrong with it or anything.

Why does everyone jump to the conclusion that this was somehow evil? You yourself said "They weren't going anything bad." But you go on to say: "but still the pastor should not be alone in the bathroom with this girl." Unless you know something bad happened, or you can cite chapter and verse (without taking it out of context) why is this an issue?

 

[Hammster]

For those who missed it...

ADMIN HAT ON


I did a thread clean due to multiple reports. Please remember that you are to only address the OP.

Thanks.


ADMIN HAT OFF

 

[Rescued One]

Yes, the appearance is scary. I had things happen to me (in a church) when I was 17. Pastors should avoid the appearance of evil.

Where was the girl's mother Does the pastor have a wife who could assist the girl if her mother is absent Or was the pastor trying to prevent an accident ---- was he opening the door for her The church can ask if a woman would volunteer to be with the girl while she's at church.

 

[TerryWoodenpic]

There must be a designated person appointed to take care of and investigate this type of issue. At least in the UK, that is mandatory.
It might be totally innocent. But would seem on the face of it, to be inappropriate on a number of levels. Even in an emergency situation he should have known to call a female to assist.

 

[Benaiahian Monk]

There’s a right way to go about things and a wrong way to go about things .
Women should deal with girls
Men should deal with boys.
Honestly amplifying it with a conversation means there is a question of Tares in moral material.
Make a rule -all issues with girls-women take of.
All issues with boys- men take care of.

 

[LoricaLady]

Mathinspirations I will leave a final comment, trying to be more clear on the points I was trying to make. If I had a child in the situation you described, and a congregant went to the Pastor or some committee and didn't tell me about it, my response would be "Why didn't you tell ME? It's MY child, not theirs. I am the one who gets to decide what, if any, concerns there are here. No one can take that legal right from me."

If someone wants to report through the channels, well at the very least there should be a quick follow up to find out if the parents werer alerted right away.

As one poster revealed from her personal history, above, Churches are not necessarily safe places. We don't have to assume the Pastor was either guilty or innocent. We have to investigate and the parents have to be part of that investigation ASAP or the Church is usurping their parental rights.

If the girl is adult and mentally competent then I would guess she would prefer to be addressed directly on the issue ASAP also.

 

[Daniel Marsh]

I saw my pastor in the bathroom with a disable girl. They weren't going anything bad but still the pastor should not be alone in the bathroom with this girl. What should I do? It look like the pastor didn't see anything wrong with it or anything.

This is a Police matter, call them.

 

[chevyontheriver]

In my experience, church members do need to be told - over and over - "Report. If in doubt, report. If you think there might be a problem, report." Having a designated person to report to helps that, because people feel they know where to go.

I know that if I came across this same situation in a Catholic Church that I should report it. I am not a mandatory reporter anymore, but I was when helping out with the parish school. Even though not a mandatory reporter, I would do it. Maybe it's all innocent. Maybe. Or rotten to the core. We like to presume innocence and abusive people can use that to get away with horrible things. And it gets swept under the rug. You should have someone you can report it to, someone the pastor has to answer to. If not, if the pastor answers to nobody at all, that's a crazy bad situation. It's not just Catholic priests that can do this stuff. Insurance data shows that Protestants have just as big a problem or bigger, but it seldom makes the news. It's everybody's problem.

 

[LoricaLady]

I know that if I came across this same situation in a Catholic Church that I should report it. I am not a mandatory reporter anymore, but I was when helping out with the parish school. Even though not a mandatory reporter, I would do it. Maybe it's all innocent. Maybe. Or rotten to the core. We like to presume innocence and abusive people can use that to get away with horrible things. And it gets swept under the rug. You should have someone you can report it to, someone the pastor has to answer to. If not, if the pastor answers to nobody at all, that's a crazy bad situation. It's not just Catholic priests that can do this stuff. Insurance data shows that Protestants have just as big a problem or bigger, but it seldom makes the news. It's everybody's problem.

Mathinspiratiaons Above I think the poster makes some excellent points but one thing kind of blows me away about this string. I don't remember anyone on this string, except me, who seems to realize that really this kind of issue is a Church matter secondarily.

People say "Talk to the Pastor...go through channels....don't gossip...." Okay the Pastor should be talked to for sure. But why is not one person saying "Make real sure someone has talked to the parents, and if they don't do thhat real fast, you do it!! Alert them. Make sure this gets investigated." I may be reading things totally wrong but it's like people seem to feel that if someone is in your Church, in particular what might be a child, that a potential wrong act is subject to scrutiny and evaluation by Church officials, not by...the...parents. The parents.

Maybe I am wrong but I get the feeling that people may feel protective toward the Church and the Pastor more than to any potential (and I do say potential) victim. I think such an attitude can contribute to people getting away with harming vulnerable people.

Good for you that you are concerned about that girl. If you have spoken up to officials at the Church (and you are not obligated to speak to them first), and the parents haven't heard about this issue very quickly, they need to be informed. By you. It's not "gossip", it's making sure that things are run as they should be in a Church, and that no one is at risk of abuse.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Mathinspiratiaons Above I think the poster makes some excellent points but one thing kind of blows me away about this string. I don't remember anyone on this string, except me, who seems to realize that really this kind of issue is a Church matter secondarily.

People say "Talk to the Pastor...go through channels....don't gossip...." Okay the Pastor should be talked to for sure. But why is not one person saying "Make real sure someone has talked to the parents, and if they don't do thhat real fast, you do it!! Alert them. Make sure this gets investigated." I may be reading things totally wrong but it's like people seem to feel that if someone is in your Church, in particular what might be a child, that a potential wrong act is subject to scrutiny and evaluation by Church officials, not by...the...parents. The parents.

Maybe I am wrong but I get the feeling that people may feel protective toward the Church and the Pastor more than to any potential (and I do say potential) victim. I think such an attitude can contribute to people getting away with harming vulnerable people.

Good for you that you are concerned about that girl. If you have spoken up to officials at the Church (and you are not obligated to speak to them first), and the parents haven't heard about this issue very quickly, they need to be informed. By you. It's not "gossip", it's making sure that things are run as they should be in a Church, and that no one is at risk of abuse.

You are right about the parents needing to be informed. Informed first. But I don't think I could just be content to inform the parents and then drop it. We all have a tendency to minimize this stuff, and that is how the perps know they can get away with it. We all say that 'maybe it's nothing'. We don't want our beloved pastor to think poorly of us. Better that the pastor knows that people are watching and that he needs to be clean or be found out.

 

[LoricaLady]

You are right about the parents needing to be informed. Informed first. But I don't think I could just be content to inform the parents and then drop it. We all have a tendency to minimize this stuff, and that is how the perps know they can get away with it. We all say that 'maybe it's nothing'. We don't want our beloved pastor to think poorly of us. Better that the pastor knows that people are watching and that he needs to be clean or be found out.

Amen.

 

[Johnsloan]

It looks like there are many opinions. and very litle scripture and the sciprture I did read is out of context.
Does anyone know what God says as he gave us His word for all situations in this life. Anyone? Is this really a Christian forum or a place for worldly advice?

 

[razzelflabben]

first we are not suppose to respond to one another by mod instruction.

second I think I and others assume that channels include but are not limited to talking to guardian and I'm not sure why some here think that is not included. If one goes through proper channels, that would include but not be limited to addressing guardians.

third scripture was given, I gave at least two different scriptures.

 

[LoricaLady]

You reference that we are not to respond to one another, then you respond to us??

You cannot make a universal, sweeping, statement about how all Churches go through channels. You can be real sure that at least in one Church in the world "going through channels" meant that wrong doing was covered up. It happens all the time, actually.