So sorry. I have experiences like yours. You open upbfor real and they cant get away fast enough. You asked, I told you. Your situation sounds quite severe compared to mine. I rode it out. When it came time for prayer requests I let it all out. All the details. Should have seen the long faces! Even one praise report in particular. I used to run, but cant anymore. Used to get runners highs where I halucinated. So after a very long recovery (I had a heart & kidney transplant) I got outside and did some heavy yard work. Well I had a serious runners high. So I shares how super stoned I was. My pastors face hit the floor. I went on to explain to all the situation and that it was all natural & my bodies own responce. I know what your feeling. Its as though what ever happens to us we just keep on the happy face. Its called denial. Life hurts. Life brings joy. And God wants us to experience that with other believers. Please do not dispair. God will bring to to that place. And you may be a catalyst to help bring others to that point. Keep seeking other churches. Share with them how you feel. It could get scarey. Stepping out blind like that. But God will honor your faith in seeking Him and His. I guarentee it. He did for me. And like I said by just being honest with others I believe it helped break down barriers and worked both ways, for me the seeker and those from whom I was seeking. God Bless.