Betrayed spouses are already under attack by adultery itself. But at some point, betrayed spouses come under attack of many (false) accusations like: being accused of being unforgiving due to an overly emotional display of anger, being accused of contributing to the wayward spouse's affair for having faults like all spouses do have, and being accused of being jealous for reacting to the affair with angry outbursts.
Today I am completely disheartened. My pastor is a very humble person and is very gracious toward our congregation. But today's message only reminded me of how passive so many churches are about adultery. He described the anger of betrayed spouses as jealousy. And he used the story of Clara Harris who ran over her husband when she found out about his affair with his dental hygienist. As if all betrayed spouses are murderous for being angry and even irate?
Of course, I'm a betrayed wife almost 2 years out of discovery. So, I certainly see his message as incredibly insensitive. But how does his message come across to people who may be in the congregation as either currently enduring temptation to have an extra marital affair or already in a secret affair? Affair partners, as I've learned in my support group, typically love to deflect their character flaws onto betrayed spouses by accusing them of being jealous. Long ago, I've felt like too many sermons, teachings, and apathetic attitudes of leadership enable these foul attitudes just as David's passivity enabled Amnon.
Today I am completely disheartened. My pastor is a very humble person and is very gracious toward our congregation. But today's message only reminded me of how passive so many churches are about adultery. He described the anger of betrayed spouses as jealousy. And he used the story of Clara Harris who ran over her husband when she found out about his affair with his dental hygienist. As if all betrayed spouses are murderous for being angry and even irate?
Of course, I'm a betrayed wife almost 2 years out of discovery. So, I certainly see his message as incredibly insensitive. But how does his message come across to people who may be in the congregation as either currently enduring temptation to have an extra marital affair or already in a secret affair? Affair partners, as I've learned in my support group, typically love to deflect their character flaws onto betrayed spouses by accusing them of being jealous. Long ago, I've felt like too many sermons, teachings, and apathetic attitudes of leadership enable these foul attitudes just as David's passivity enabled Amnon.
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