I stepped out on God. I was married to my husband for 25 years when it happened. I started into an online affair with an old coworker. Then it turned physical. We only met three times in the two years the affair lasted. It wasn't really a love affair. I admit I fell for him the first few months but after the second time we had sex I was ready to end it. But I didn't know how. I was scared to. He basically used me for sex and dirty pictures. My husband found out and was devistated. I couldn't believe I hurt my husband so much. I am so sorry, ashamed and humiliated. I have asked him and God for forgiveness. I am doing everything I can think of to fix my mistake. But my husband read our text messages and saw the pictures. We are going to M/C and things are looking up. But the text messages took a toll on his ego. My affair partner wasn't great in bed. But he always asked Everytime he texted and I just played along and I would tell him he was good. My husband never got over that. My husband is by far a better lover but this just killed his sexual ego. It's been 2 1/2 years now and he still has break downs. Depression. I feel so bad about this. What can I do or say to him to help him? We never had any problems in the bedroom. But now he feels second best. I can't take it anymore. I need to do or say something to help but I can't think of anything. How can I make him feel he's better than the jerk I had an affair with? It's like he has lost his manhood which I understand I am to blame for that. I pray every night God will heal us. This was all my fault and I'm lost on what to do.
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What an enormous divine lesson you and your husband are experiencing.
You may not wish to read this.
There are few words of comfort in what is written.
Biblically, marriage is a symbol of the spiritual relationship between God and His people.
You are now experiencing something of what happens between you and God when you sin.
In your husband you see his pain because of your unfaithfulness.
Your husband’s pain is somewhat of how God must be feeling about us in our sinning.
The fact that your husband remains with you demonstrates his commitment to the marriage covenant made with you before God. As Jesus said in Matthew 19:8 ““Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.” Apparently, your husband does not have a hard heart. However, you cannot expect a mere man to completely recover from the broken trust over holy matrimony. Should we think the Lord suffers no more over our sin or was his suffering just on the cross? Now, you know what sin does!
My dear lady, you have a heavy load to bear on your burdened heart. Learn the lesson from the Lord and be forever changed. Removing the nail from the lumber does not remove the scar. The scar is yours to live with and as a reminder of how horrible is your sin. Keep saying to yourself, “Never again, so help me God!” Some believers need scars to be able to focus on what is valuable.
Know this about men.
The more it is talked about, the more likely it is men will have to do something about it.
Men are fixers.
If it cannot be fixed, men must ignore it or dispose of it.
How does one fix unfaithfulness?
It might be that silence is the better course.
Don’t follow the advice of attempting flirty or playful behavior or attempts to message his self image.
This illuminates sin and belittles the seriousness of the unfaithfulness.
This is not about copulation or your husband’s performance.
It is about rebellion and rejection in the same way as if a child goes astray.
Adultery is an act of rejecting. It is what Israel did to God over and over.
Be humble, be submissive, be patient, be gentle, but by all means be genuine.
After all, your husband knows what you are like after 25 years.
Sin is a terrible thing. Suffer bravely for your family’s sake.
The consequences of King David’s sins followed him the rest of his life - yet, he was a man after God’s own heart. The old scribe thanks God for King David.