Monogamy/Non-Monogamy/Divorce

[Xavier Cane]

Wait hold on, because that is the root of the cause...

As I know from my own experience, as we both have similar issues. However, God took my issue from me. So its possible!

the inappropriate content IS the issue....

Another question..

Are you willing to give it up?

My issues started before inappropriate content ever came into the picture. Thank you. And yes, I have given it up many times. inappropriate content is easy to not look at. Trust me, inappropriate content is not at all my problem. inappropriate content does not even tempt me. But thanks for trying to understand.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Perhaps you guys missed it. I do not have a inappropriate content problem. I have not craved inappropriate content in a long time. This is why I have an issue with religious people...They claim they know what your problem is, but don't. Almost more than half of you think I have a inappropriate content problem. Lust is much bigger than inappropriate content addiction. wow. I don't know why I even waste my time on these forums.

 

[Xavier Cane]

I want to look at a couple of items in the original post from a human point of view. That is, God gives us grace, but we also exercise self-discipline in our daily lives, and I want to look at self-discipline possibilities.



Is it possible to take this idea one step farther? Confide in a few friends that you're trying to be monogamous, and then make sure you're never, ever alone with a woman who's not your wife, employing these friends as chaperones if needed.



Deep down, what do you mean by this? Do you truly want other partners? or, alternatively, do other women catch your eye, and you don't really want them but it's hard to resist? If you actually do want other partners -- if you'd prefer to be polygamous if your wife was okay with that -- then that's a deeper issue than just resisting the occasional fleeting temptation. What do you really want?

I've already said what I want. It's simple. Victory over the sin nature. Period.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Who do you think tells you to cheat on your wife? God or the Devil? Of course you know the answer.

Who do you think tells you that you can't control It? God or the Devil? Again you know the answer.

The same goes with killing yourself.... Your babies need a father!!

So, you can either tell the devil no...or continue with it. You ALWAYS have a choice.

"Resist the devil and he shall flee from you. " James 4:7
When the impure thoughts about cheating come up, shoot them down with scripture the way Jesus did. If you keep giving in to them then it's not going to get easier. What you are doing (cheating) is actually unnatural...so it's making you miserable.

However, if you really don't want to change please, please, please let your wife go. It's so unfair to her and maybe she can find happiness with another man then.

Not that simple. Not at all.

 

[Xavier Cane]

It sounds like you make a lot of empty claims and haven't actually surrendered to God's Holy Spirit but instead had only surrendered to your own lustful desires. Claiming that you love your wife while completely proving that you really love yourself far more is also a hollow claim.

God can, and will change you when you truly surrender to him, but you may have to lose everything, as I did, in order to achieve that.

Praying for you

This is the stuff I truly dislike. How do you know I have not surrendered? You guys make it sound so simple. I don know how many times I have given things over to God, just for the thing to remain in my face. Geeze

 

[Xavier Cane]

I am struggling the very same as you. God doesnt help me with desire and i also consider him a liar. I am starting to walk away from him and think he is an uncaring [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] that he would mess with my faith and salvation. What kind of loving god is that? People who don't struggle with it, spew their stupid scriptures and dont give any real answers. They dont understand how difficult this struggle is.

I whole heartedly agree.

 

[Xavier Cane]

that's because this is a problem of your focus, not your will.

You have a wife.
keep your focus on her, on pleasing her, paying attention to her, loving her, doing things for her, learning as much as you can about her. Make it your daily task to please her and care for her.

Do all this and you won't have time to look at other women and think how they would please you.
Do this because you love your wife more than you love yourself.

So yes, changing your focus in life will help your problem immensely. Getting the focus off you and on to her should help things along.

I have done that. I focus totally on her and what she wants and desires. The problem is that I can only be but so selfless. Doing all of those things is okay, but they bring no true satisfaction to my life. My focus is not so much on me as it is God. That's why I am having such an issue. I put so much energy into my relationship with God that it is made me very tired because all I do is fight, but I don't ever win. You think my focus is on me because I am complaining, but it is not on me. I'm upset because I have built my entire life around Faith in Christ, but I have no Jesus inside of me to overcome the sin. I want what God wants, I just dont have the power to perform it. And I'm not going back to where I came from. Oh no. No more church for me. Its like being killed over and over again.

 

[Evan Briggs]

God cant take this from you until you let go from your addictions.

I was addicted to inappropriate content for many years that lead to infidelity in my marriage, how ever God took my addictions.

He could ONLY take it from me until after I surrendered it to him...

Have you tried fasting and completely separating yourself from everything worldly? And just stay in prayer and reading the Word?

 

[Evan Briggs]

Do you pray for strength when you get temptations?

 

[Yarddog]

This is the stuff I truly dislike. How do you know I have not surrendered?

Your words provide all the info needed to see that.

You guys make it sound so simple.

No, it's not simple. The hardest thing that a Christian does is let go of this world. You haven't and cling onto your personal desires to please your flesh through illicit sex which shows incredible disrespect for your wife and family.

I don know how many times I have given things over to God, just for the thing to remain in my face. Geeze

Why do you sound exasperated at me. I am not having sex with strangers, you are. I also admitted in the post which you quoted "God can, and will change you when you truly surrender to him, but you may have to lose everything, as I did, in order to achieve that."

I lost my wife and practically my sanity and was to kill myself because I screwed up and didn't surrender. I wanted control. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and was ready to kill myself before I finally let go and surrendered.

It was at that point that God could change me because I stopped fighting him.

I lost everything important to me, including my wife, but I found something greater. The love of our Father in heaven. He rebuilt me and called me into faith. No longer in charge but a slave to his will.

I pray that you truly let go before you lose your wife.

God bless

 

[SkyWriting]

There is.

Leviticus 18:10 “‘Do not have sexual relations with your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter; that would dishonor you.

Daughters son is ok then? Or the sons kids?
What about adopted kids. Who is looking out for them?
Not scripture? What about slaves and the kids of slaves?

 

[JRichard68]

This is the stuff I truly dislike. How do you know I have not surrendered? You guys make it sound so simple. I don know how many times I have given things over to God, just for the thing to remain in my face. Geeze

You've no cluse what it means to "turn something over", Turning it over does not mean saying "here God, You take it" and waiting. Repentance is not "well, I'm in such a pickle over this, God why don't you take this from me". If you don't act on the issue, it's not going to budge. Some of the best healing ministries in existence today place all the emphasis on self-examination. You've done a fine job so far examining God and His failure to do anything, and examining us after four pages of reasonable responses to your issue. I'm going to suggest an excellent book to you from Psychologist Dr. Larry Crabb. His credentials are very good - examine them for yourself.

Inside Out - Kindle edition by Larry Crabb. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

You'll be reading a lot, you'll be writing a lot, you'll be studying a lot. As long as your eyes are outward (which has caused you enough trouble) you'll be pretty miserable. NOT ONCE in your responses have I seen you appreciate anything that anyone has shared with you about their struggles, successes, failures, perseverance, anything else.



Give the book a read. It may or may not help. It's ten bucks on Amazon. What's ten bucks in the grand scheme of your life?

 

[stuart lawrence]

Perhaps you guys missed it. I do not have a inappropriate content problem. I have not craved inappropriate content in a long time. This is why I have an issue with religious people...They claim they know what your problem is, but don't. Almost more than half of you think I have a inappropriate content problem. Lust is much bigger than inappropriate content addiction. wow. I don't know why I even waste my time on these forums.

And you think people responding to you don't have issues with lust?
I imagine the difference is, many of them lust, but may not act out their lust with the opposite sex. They still lust though

 

[stuart lawrence]

Perhaps you guys missed it. I do not have a inappropriate content problem. I have not craved inappropriate content in a long time. This is why I have an issue with religious people...They claim they know what your problem is, but don't. Almost more than half of you think I have a inappropriate content problem. Lust is much bigger than inappropriate content addiction. wow. I don't know why I even waste my time on these forums.

For I would not have known lust except the law had said: thou shalt not covet. But sin, taking advantage of the commandment wrought in me all manner of concupiscence
Rom7:7

Check out what the word concupiscence means in a dictionary.

It seems you are far from Alone with your problem doesn't it.

Don't take offence, but do you truly in your heart want to see victory over lust?
I will be honest with you. There are things in my life that have caused me much pain, despite that pain, I wasn't willing in my heart to cease them.
If you in your heart desperately want a way out, Pauls the one who can show you it. I doubt many responses you get here will be of much help

 

[dayhiker]

This is the stuff I truly dislike. How do you know I have not surrendered? You guys make it sound so simple. I don know how many times I have given things over to God, just for the thing to remain in my face. Geeze

Again I can relate to how you feel Xavier. I went thru all the same feelings you have had and had the same things said to me. I had to re-evaluate everything I had been taught about God and really let the Bible speak to me without all the limitations most current Bible teachers put on God. Lucky I found some that showed me holes that had been ignored by most. As your title to this thread indicates is was in the area of non-monogamy.

 

[ChristopherK]

I'm sorry, I do not have any energy left to use prayer as a means to overcome sins of the flesh. That is what the Cross was supposed to do. That is what grace is supposed to do...Give me power over sin. but it hasnt, and it wont.

I haven't read the couple of other pages, but I can certainly tell you that your desires are not always going to go away in an instant. You need to be the one to make choices with purpose and intention. I still struggle with being lured by inappropriate contentography. It's a battle. A Christian is saved by grace through faith and has assurance of eternity, but we still live in the flesh and need to buffet our body via prayer, training in righteousness, and Godly service.

If you say you can't do it then no one else is going to convince you. That's like someone looking at a Big Mac who is obese and saying, "I can't put this burger down!" They CAN put the burger down. The question is do they want to? Do you want to stop being sexually immoral and adulterous? That's the real question. Your wife is a shining example of Christ's love for you. Look at how faithful and immovable she's been towards your marriage. If anything, let that break you. Rather than looking outside your marriage, I suggest you dive into the ocean that is your wife's heart and get lost in it.

 

[dayhiker]

So I hear Xavier say that he has tried all the advice that we as Christians give one another to stop sin over and over again and they didn't help him. Including the one that are being repeated again to him in the above 5 pages.
At some point a person has to say that failed teachings are not working and repeating them again will not work for me. How many times does one repeat a failed experiment over and over then expect the 100th time to get a different result! The human psyche just can't go on repeating failures over and over. Now if a new suggestion was give Xavier could try it and to see if that would work.
I personally wouldn't advise Xavier to try and repeat one of those failed spiritual disciplines again. I'd say continue to love God and say when you give me something new to try I'll try it, till then I'm not going to waste my time because it will undermine my faith and relationship with God.

 

[JRichard68]

Counterpoint - Xavier hasn't tried a thing. All of the suggestions are spiritual disciplines that take time, patience, determination, and an examination of oneself. Presently I'm separated and will be divorcing. I've had all kinds of time to be mad at God and others. Because of the nature of the site, I can't use the language to describe how I feel about it all. But, you know what? The more responsibility I place at the feet of God for everything, the more I get wrapped up in a hole of self pity and resentment, wishing God and all of you would just go away.

But when I have my rant, it's time to get up, dust off, and keep going. The reality is I can't change my circumstances, but I can try to find a way to make amends to people I've hurt. That's the best cure for self-pity and resentment. But it does take those disciplines - self-examination, turning outward toward others, being the best person I can for the people I care about.

So, Xavier, get up, dust off, keep going. Hug your wife and kids.

 

[HighCherub]

Adultery is one of the worst sins in the Bible, and for good reason.

My advice here is not soft:
You need to stop doing what you are doing and realize that God will condemn you for your actions- you have a wife and kids, whom you are hurting, and need to man up and take some accountability; don't blame God for your carnal desires.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Your words provide all the info needed to see that.


No, it's not simple. The hardest thing that a Christian does is let go of this world. You haven't and cling onto your personal desires to please your flesh through illicit sex which shows incredible disrespect for your wife and family.

Why do you sound exasperated at me. I am not having sex with strangers, you are. I also admitted in the post which you quoted "God can, and will change you when you truly surrender to him, but you may have to lose everything, as I did, in order to achieve that."

I lost my wife and practically my sanity and was to kill myself because I screwed up and didn't surrender. I wanted control. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and was ready to kill myself before I finally let go and surrendered.

It was at that point that God could change me because I stopped fighting him.

I lost everything important to me, including my wife, but I found something greater. The love of our Father in heaven. He rebuilt me and called me into faith. No longer in charge but a slave to his will.

I pray that you truly let go before you lose your wife.

God bless

YOu are wrong. Yu judge incorrectly. I can't surrender anymore than I have. The will of God is so lame. Its boring and never gives joy and peace. You sound like you are satisfied with all the work you do, and not just being happy with Who God is, another thing I have not seen in the church. Not just in my life. If people arent working then they arent happy. Its the work, not God. If so, I would love for God to show me I'm wrong.