Monogamy/Non-Monogamy/Divorce

Xavier Cane

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I need some advice.

My wife and I have been married for almost 14 years, and I have not been faithful to her for a single 12 month period. We have 3 children together between ages 6 and 11. She knows of all the times I have cheated, and chose to remain for any number of reasons. I love this woman, and she loves me, but the problem is that I never been able to gain victory over sins of the flesh. I’ve done all I know to do, gave my life to Jesus (before we got married actually) I‘ve had accountability partners, counseling, confession, prayer, fasting, yielding to the Sprit, and none of it seems to work. I told my wife that she should divorce me, because I’m pretty confident that a person like me cannot be saved by God. The problem is that she has very few options, and that makes me sad because I did this to her. At any rate, I know she is not willing to be in a non-monogamous relationship, and I told her that I would never lie to her again. I want to stay married, and one day I will make a really good husband, and that will be the day I get some self-control, because I have none. I tried to kill self at the Cross of Jesus, but that didn’t help either. Self-denial is not a strong point.

What should I do? I want other partners and she doesn’t. I want my marriage, but God won’t take away this evil desire for other women, and I cannot take it away myself. I know this sounds like I’m blaming God, but I’m not. I take the full blame….But God never once gave me the strength to overcome when I asked him to….Not one time, and that is supposed to be one of the benefits of Salvation, freedom from the power of sin. I’m so messed up.

She can’t afford to move and neither can I. I told her that I would move into the attic if she wanted to leave me. I still advise her to leave, but it seems like she wants to stick around. She can see the effort I put in to try and make myself a good husband. I do all the things a husband should do except for one. The only thing I cannot do is be monogamous.

Jesus Help Me please.
 

faroukfarouk

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The only thing I cannot do is be monogamous.

Jesus Help Me please.

Don't you see that these 2 statements are contradictory?

If what the Lord Jesus wants is already made known in His Word, why would then He help you to lead a non monogamous life?

But to focus upward rather than self-ward, a wonderful summary of the Gospel is found in John 3.16. Paul has a hard hitting chapter on repentance in Romans 2.
 
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SkyWriting

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I need some advice.My wife and I have been married for almost 14 years, and I have not been faithful to her for a single 12 month period. We have 3 children together between ages 6 and 11. She knows of all the times I have cheated, and chose to remain for any number of reasons. I love this woman, and she loves me, but the problem is that I never been able to gain victory over sins of the flesh. I’ve done all I know to do, gave my life to Jesus (before we got married actually) I‘ve had accountability partners, counseling, confession, prayer, fasting, yielding to the Spirit, and none of it seems to work.

True. None of it seems to work.
But there is a process that works each and every time.
It may not seem to work, but then you need to follow
the process better. It works every single time.

Discover Answered Prayer!
-Click Here-
 
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Xavier Cane

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Don't you see that these 2 statements are contradictory?

If what the Lord Jesus wants is already made known in His Word, why would then He help you to lead a non monogamous life?

But to focus upward rather than self-ward, a wonderful summary of the Gospel is found in John 3.16. Paul has a hard hitting chapter on repentance in Romans 2.


I think you misunderstand. I'm not asking God to help me be non-monogamous, but rather help me to be monogamous. It is not as easy as "just do it because God said so". I need help in the area of my flesh, but God has not and will not help.
 
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faroukfarouk

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I think you misunderstand. I'm not asking God to help me be non-monogamous, but rather help me to be monogamous. It is not as easy as "just do it because God said so". I need help in the area of my flesh, but God has not and will not help.
Ephesians 2.1-10 is a great guide.
 
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Xavier Cane

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True. None of it seems to work.
But there is a process that works each and every time.
It may not seem to work, but then you need to follow
the process better. It works every single time.

Discover Answered Prayer!
-Click Here-

I'm sorry, I do not have any energy left to use prayer as a means to overcome sins of the flesh. That is what the Cross was supposed to do. That is what grace is supposed to do...Give me power over sin. but it hasnt, and it wont.
 
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faroukfarouk

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I've read that scripture passage many times. Grace does not work for me.
I can't help you otherwise; I can only refer you back to God's powerful grace, received in repentance and faith and described in a wonderful way in this passage in Ephesians.
 
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Xavier Cane

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I can't help you otherwise; I can only refer you back to God's powerful grace, received in repentance and faith and described in a wonderful way in this passage in Ephesians.

I understand. Not even God can help me. I consider Him a liar. He said that Sin shall not have dominion over you (Romans 6:14), but it does. Not because I want it to, but because I have no power to fight sin.


When I Surrender to God, I never get any release or comfort. I only have intense compulsion to sin the sin I told God I wouldn’t. God never helped. And He never will. I am a lost cause. It just sucks my wife has to deal with it.
 
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faroukfarouk

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I understand. Not even God can help me. I consider Him a liar. He said that Sin shall not have dominion over you (Romans 6:14), but it does. Not because I want it to, but because I have no power to fight sin.


When I Surrender to God, I never get any release or comfort. I only have intense compulsion to sin the sin I told God I wouldn’t. God never helped. And He never will. I am a lost cause. It just sucks my wife has to deal with it.
Romans 3.4
 
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SkyWriting

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I'm sorry, I do not have any energy left to use prayer as a means to overcome sins of the flesh. That is what the Cross was supposed to do. That is what grace is supposed to do...Give me power over sin. but it hasnt, and it wont.

The idea is for you to give God the power over your situation.
His role is not to do what you want from Him.
Perhaps you have more struggles that you will need even later.

Let's say you are hanging by a thread someday.
You'll may need your experiences and struggle to
get past your thread hanging situation.

You know how rich kids who get sports cars for their
birthday do not always do well? When stuff is handed
to you, it doesn't always solve your real problems?
 
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Xavier Cane

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The idea is for you to give God the power over your situation.
His role is not to do what you want from Him.

You do not understand. I have given God the power over my situation, but I keep on sinning the same sins. Surrender is not the key.Surrender brings more pain, pain to my inner being. No joy in obedience. No peace in surrendering to God. No strength in my weakness. That's just it. I've tried it all, and done it all.

I know his role is not to do what I want him to do, but how can I do what he tells me to do if it is joyless, painful, and agonizing? The joy of the Lord is supposed to be my strength, but there is no joy in serving God. There is only work. NO rest. Ever. And no salvation. All of these things are products of Gods grace and salvation, but I receive none of them. God is indeed a liar.
 
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SkyWriting

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You do not understand. I have given God the power over my situation, but I keep on sinning the same sins. Surrender is not the key.Surrender brings more pain, pain to my inner being. No joy in obedience. No peace in surrendering to God. No strength in my weakness. That's just it. I've tried it all, and done it all.

I know his role is not to do what I want him to do, but how can I do what he tells me to do if it is joyless, painful, and agonizing? The joy of the Lord is supposed to be my strength, but there is no joy in serving God. There is only work. NO rest. Ever. And no salvation. All of these things are products of Gods grace and salvation, but I receive none of them. God is indeed a liar.

You won't get your prayer answered until you no longer require a specific answer from God.
Then you will get either what you thought you wanted, or you may get something else.

Once I requested, and requested, and requested. Finally I gave up looking for "my request"
and got two instant miracles in return. I mean dramatic answers, but not what I was seeking.

It's the giving up, handing over point that God is waiting for from you.
In that instant, you get peace. That's how you know you've arrived at answered prayer.
 
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Xavier Cane

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You won't get your prayer answered until you no longer require a specific answer from God.
Then you will get either what you thought you wanted, or you may get something else.

Once I requested, and requested, and requested. Finally I gave up looking for "my request"
and got two instant miracles in return. I mean dramatic answers, but not what I was seeking.

It's the giving up point that God is waiting for from you.
In that instant, you get peace.


I swear you have no idea what I am talking about. I'm not being disrespectful, but you have no idea. If I have a drinking problem (which I don't), I shouldn't expect God to deliver me? That's just silly.

I have given up. I have given up trusting that God has the power or even the desire to help me. I have given up the idea that all my sins are forgiven because I see them every single day. I have given up trying to live a life that is righteous before God. Why, because it doesn't work, and it is joyless and pathetic. Just sad.

I said God I surrender, I give it all to you. And guess what happened? God gave it all back. How so? My sins got much much worse. I was truly brainwashed.

With respect.
 
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Xavier Cane

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Should I sin that Grace may abound? God Forbid. How shall we who are dead to sin live any longer in it? I live in total sin, shall grace abound? I hate my sin, but God's grace is not available for people like me. God is a liar. Oh God I turn away from my sin, I repent, I surrender. Hah. I have prayed that prayer for 15 years straight and tried to do it for 15 years, and no help from God. When I just let go, sin gets worse.
 
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Xavier Cane

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Here is a question..

Do you watch inappropriate content?

Sir, this is much deeper than inappropriate content. Yes I know inappropriate content is bad, and yes I watch it, but God won't help me stop lol. More than 20 years of damage to my mind. But inappropriate content is not the issue although it is connected to it, just like the others, which I will not mention.
 
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Evan Briggs

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Sir, this is much deeper than inappropriate content. Yes I know inappropriate content is bad, and yes I watch it, but God won't help me stop lol. More than 20 years of damage to my mind. But inappropriate content is not the issue although it is connected to it, just like the others, which I will not mention.

Wait hold on, because that is the root of the cause...

As I know from my own experience, as we both have similar issues. However, God took my issue from me. So its possible!

the inappropriate content IS the issue....

Another question..

Are you willing to give it up?
 
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SkyWriting

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I swear you have no idea what I am talking about. I'm not being disrespectful, but you have no idea. If I have a drinking problem (which I don't), I shouldn't expect God to deliver me? That's just silly.

I don't deserve any special respect. I have sinful habits myself.
I am just as deserving of Hell as anyone.
God may or may not deliver you from your problem today
or next Tuesday. When you are ready to receive His will
then you may or may not have His plan revealed.

"Getting your desires responded to" is not God's highest
priority. Building up your Faith is His highest priority.

Right now, you are stepping up to the window expecting
God to deliver the goods. Faith is a harder thing to build.
 
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