Young Christian Male Struggling with Faith In todays world

[chrisxxcc]

First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do. I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation. Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost. Im not meant to go through life alone and I think one day god will give me a wife but im telling you I want out of this situation. I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way. Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single. Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god

 

[Fish Catcher Jim]

It's not Gods job to stop these things of the flesh. It's your Job!!

Try spending your time according to the following and forget about girls.
Blessings
FCJ

Galatians 5:16 and Romans 12:2 and 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

Romans 12:2 ....
And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God

(( Get His word in you each and every day and speak His word each and every day ))

2 Corinthians 10:4-5
4... For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to pulling down strong holds
5... Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

(( Begin to practice the words you speak and thoughts you think for our thoughts and words to control how we act or react and believe. Our own words do more do influence our thinking then most of everything else. ))

Galatians 5:16
This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh

(( The more you do the first two the more you will begin to walk in the Spirit and you will be amazed to say the least. ))

All done through the Grace of God who maketh all grace abound to me. (2Corinthians 9:8)
Blessings and love in Christ
FCJ

 

[Peace608]

Thanks for posting!
When you wrote, "I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not," this makes me wonder if you would benefit from a closer church group who can pray over you and meet with you weekly. There is also a group called Living Waters (through Desert Stream Ministries) across the US that is specifically for men and women who are seeking sexual and emotional healing. I really recommend it! You need to get rid of the lie that you are the only Christian who struggles with this stuff. We were not created to fight on our own. You need a team that will stand beside you. Continue to seek support and encouragement on this form, but ALSO connect locally. Plan a time to meet with a small group or mentor.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I get it, I'm 63 and still battle a bit with tihs and feel the solution is just what you say, get married. It's not near as much a problem for me at my age, so not as much of a strain on my relation with God as for you, but it is some. I do recall it was rough at your age.

What seems like a bad joke is God made you this way. He wanted you out the being fruitful and multiplying and he was going to make that happen whether we wanted to or not, yet it's a sin if you aren't married. FWIW, I think he makes some concession for people in your shoes and of your age, but that's not to say you should let loose buy any means. Keep trying your best, and that is JMO.

You seem to know exactly how to solve this, so what's the hold up? What are you doing to make a relationship happen? You may not be, but don't wait for God to drop her at you front door.

If you are waiting or need his help, going that route might take a lot of prayer, fasting or whatever.

You need to increase your odds somehow.

 

[chrisxxcc]

Did you ever meet anyone Kenny?

 

[chrisxxcc]

What do you mean he wanted me out of the being fruitful and multiplying? And to answer your question I honestly really tried to meet someone this past month I really put an all out effort like i never had done before in my life. I ended up getting rejected around 7 times mind you I have only had one girlfreind in my life which lasted 2 months. My success rate is like 1 in 40 and its emotionally draining to keep getting shot down. I had to get the shot down flat out rejected in real life like atleast 20 times in my life before i met my first girlfriend.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Did you ever meet anyone Kenny?

I have in the past but was stupid. And that was when I was forced to get out of the house for work. I never really got much work time with the public due to a handicap and seems that's one huge way of getting out there and meeting people.

Lately, no, I've all but given up but I never say never. But you can't let that happen. How bout Church?

 

[chrisxxcc]

I dont really go to church much, also bravo at least you met someone at some point atleast you got enjoy it for a little bit.

 

[Kenny'sID]

What do you mean he wanted me out of the being fruitful and multiplying? And to answer your question I honestly really tried to meet someone this past month I really put an all out effort like i never had done before in my life. I ended up getting rejected around 7 times mind you I have only had one girlfreind in my life which lasted 2 months. My success rate is like 1 in 40 and its emotionally draining to keep getting shot down. I had to get the shot down flat out rejected in real life like atleast 20 times in my life before i met my first girlfriend.

I see, that's rough.

I just meant that God made us all with the urge to multiply/have sex, yet it's a sin if you are unmarried. Seems unfair, and that's why I think he goes easy on some cases.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I dont really go to church much, also bravo at least you met someone at some point atleast you got enjoy it for a little bit.

I was never married.

You may want to reconsider Church. Even Sunday school (do they still have that?) whatever is social.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

First off I want to thank anyone who responds to this thread in bid to give me some advice on how to tackle my problems. I am a 22 year old single male living in the united states very often i struggle with my faith and keeping the commandments, most notably those of not commiting adultery. I Feel as this problem has caused a great rift between me and god.Let me explain all my life I have never had much luck with women and this has caused my relationship with god to strain. I often get angry and bitter in life becuase I am single. The way the world is I see all of these other people who are good looking and have sex, relationships, love and what not. I struggle with the sin of envy. To top it off i learned its a sin to not touch here is the problem when i dont touch for days my hormones spin out of control and I literally flirt with many women Id go so far as to say at one point I ask out a women once a day. To combat this for years I would for years mastubate to curve this desire. But its like a cycle of pain you fall into sin no matter what you do. I am not meant to be single I need a companion, being single and having all of this difficulty has really strained my relaltionship with god and sometimes i get so lonley that i visit prostitute 2 times. I have prayed many times for god to give me a wife to relieve me of all this temptation. Here is a good analogy none of us can truly comprehend god and his plans. The way i look at it im like a dog and my owner even though he has the food in the cabinet he wont put the food in the bowl and im left here in my non comprehnension and confusion as to why he wont put he food there im lost. Im not meant to go through life alone and I think one day god will give me a wife but im telling you I want out of this situation. I just want a wife so I can honor god and have children and raise them to be good people while having my desire for sex to be fullfilled in the chrisitan way. Why is god letting this cycle of pain continue im like a broken record with him i just keep asking to fall in love so I dont have to deal with this sin anymore but he just wont answer he knows this isnt going to work out me being single. Also to top it off the way women dress now a days is utterly and completly appalling I appretiate the female form but danm these women dress half naked! I obvioulsy get excited and that leads to further sin its a vicious cycle of uneeded torment for me. What is the point of this how do i deal with this. God gave me all these hormones but its like i have to keep myself down. The way i can do that is to touch but that isnt clean in the eyes of god what is the way out of this. The way out as i see it is a wife i dont see any other way out or i could kill myself but that just leads to hell. Its a cycle of hassle that i just dont want to deal with. once again how can a christian male survive in a world like this and do right by god

Chris, in dealing with this, you might also want to realize that you are partially the victim of a social matrix gone wrong (i.e. of the society around you). It's not all your fault, dude. We have a society that thinks it has seen fit to allow the creation, publication and distribution of all of the 'stuff' you're accessing and being influenced by.

So, think about that as a starting point. Then, realize that you're only 22, you're not too late to get things together and, in the proper way, meet a good women and settle down. But there's social lessons to learn first, my friend.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

 

[chrisxxcc]

Chris, in dealing with this, you might also want to realize that you are partially the victim of a social matrix gone wrong (i.e. of the society around you). It's not all your fault, dude. We have a society that thinks it has seen fit to allow the creation, publication and distribution of all of the 'stuff' you're accessing and being influenced by.

So, think about that as a starting point. Then, realize that you're only 22, you're not too late to get things together and, in the proper way, meet a good women and settle down. But there's social lessons to learn first, my friend.

Peace,
2PhiloVoid

Social lesson? What lesson enlighten me

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Social lesson? What lesson enlighten me

First, what do you think I mean by that, Chris? My friend, I hope you're not taking my helpful comment as a criticism, because it's not intended to be that. Are we good on this before I answer your question?

All I mean by it is that you may have some things to learn about interacting with the opposite sex. I should know. I was lonely and without a girlfriend for most of my teen years and for the first few years of my twenties.....and I've also had to battle the same thing all the rest of us guys have had to battle. But I still found a wife with what I believe was God's slow but effective direction.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Christ's work on the cross has taken the penalty of our sins. That is the starting point. Then God wants to heal us from the effects of sin and scars and wounds we bear from living in a sinful world. Often, many Christians get caught in an attitude of sin-management where our focus is on preventing sins rather than being changed inside so that sin becomes less and less a part of our nature. Ultimately, it is our being transformed day by day that leads to there being less and less sin in our lives.

One of the most challenging things in our Christian walk is distinguishing between root causes and symptoms when dealing with long term things we struggle with. Some sins and behaviors are symptoms of a deeper problem that we need to address. In such cases, God wants to deal with the root cause whereas we want to treat the symptoms. Until the root cause is dealt with, dealing with symptoms might limit damage, but it doesn't fix the problem. Sometimes, this might be an issue of repentance and getting serious. Sometimes, it might be something we need healing from.

I'm not saying that is what is happening in your life, but it might be worth considering if there is something deeper in your life that God might want to work on first. In such cases, it might feel like God doesn't care about the symptoms, but without the symptoms, we might continue to limp on with deeper problems. For example, a person who lacks faith in God's providence might become a workaholic to make sure they have no money problems. Over the years, this might manifest itself as being a workaholic, being stingy, jealously guarding possessions, and having a bad work-life balance. Such a person could work on setting priorities, trying to be generous, and other things, but until the root cause of lack of faith is dealt with, they'll continue to struggle with money worries and the behaviors they compulsively continue to engage in to make sure money is not an issue. Having visited prostitutes, flirting a lot, and asking a lot of women out strikes me that for some reason this might be a much bigger struggle for you than many Christian men. There might be some deeper issues in your life that are contributing to this.

I'd echo the advice from @Peace608 about getting in with a local group of people that can support you. Perhaps a seeing a good Christian counselor might be a consideration as well. While marriage can help some by having sex somewhat available (depending on your wife!), it doesn't automatically fix any baggage we drag along into it. Some things are better fixed in our lives before getting married. Having marital problems is pretty much a guarantee that your wife won't be interested in having a lot of sex.

 

[chrisxxcc]

First, what do you think I mean by that, Chris? My friend, I hope you're not taking my helpful comment as a criticism, because it's not intended to be that. Are we good on this before I answer your question?

All I mean by it is that you may have some things to learn about interacting with the opposite sex. I should know. I was lonely and without a girlfriend for most of my teen years and for the first few years of my twenties.....and I've also had to battle the same thing all the rest of us guys have had to battle. But I still found a wife with what I believe was God's slow but effective direction.

I just meant teach me haha i didnt take offense any advice is welcome even harsh ones. I dont have much experience with women but the older you get the less women are going to put up with

 

[chrisxxcc]

Christ's work on the cross has taken the penalty of our sins. That is the starting point. Then God wants to heal us from the effects of sin and scars and wounds we bear from living in a sinful world. Often, many Christians get caught in an attitude of sin-management where our focus is on preventing sins rather than being changed inside so that sin becomes less and less a part of our nature. Ultimately, it is our being transformed day by day that leads to there being less and less sin in our lives.

One of the most challenging things in our Christian walk is distinguishing between root causes and symptoms when dealing with long term things we struggle with. Some sins and behaviors are symptoms of a deeper problem that we need to address. In such cases, God wants to deal with the root cause whereas we want to treat the symptoms. Until the root cause is dealt with, dealing with symptoms might limit damage, but it doesn't fix the problem. Sometimes, this might be an issue of repentance and getting serious. Sometimes, it might be something we need healing from.

I'm not saying that is what is happening in your life, but it might be worth considering if there is something deeper in your life that God might want to work on first. In such cases, it might feel like God doesn't care about the symptoms, but without the symptoms, we might continue to limp on with deeper problems. For example, a person who lacks faith in God's providence might become a workaholic to make sure they have no money problems. Over the years, this might manifest itself as being a workaholic, being stingy, jealously guarding possessions, and having a bad work-life balance. Such a person could work on setting priorities, trying to be generous, and other things, but until the root cause of lack of faith is dealt with, they'll continue to struggle with money worries and the behaviors they compulsively continue to engage in to make sure money is not an issue. Having visited prostitutes, flirting a lot, and asking a lot of women out strikes me that for some reason this might be a much bigger struggle for you than many Christian men. There might be some deeper issues in your life that are contributing to this.

I'd echo the advice from @Peace608 about getting in with a local group of people that can support you. Perhaps a seeing a good Christian counselor might be a consideration as well. While marriage can help some by having sex somewhat available (depending on your wife!), it doesn't automatically fix any baggage we drag along into it. Some things are better fixed in our lives before getting married. Having marital problems is pretty much a guarantee that your wife won't be interested in having a lot of sex.

That you very much for answering my thread. Perhaps I have to learn to love myself before i can love someone else. Maybe that could be it.

 

[chrisxxcc]

This might stun some of you but when i was i college i dormed for a semester away from home. I went to one of those christian getherings, I walked in christian and i walked out atheist since then i regained my faith but I also have trouble with social christian groups like that.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

A couple of men at my church got themselves christian "mail order"
brides from the Philippines since they'd had no success in finding
women around here to marry up with them.

On this forum...I can't remember the guys names on here... but I know I read in their threads about getting their wives from the Philippines or something like that.

 

[chrisxxcc]

d

A couple of men at my church got themselves christian "mail order"
brides from the Philippines since they'd had no success in finding
women around here to marry up with them.

On this forum...I can't remember the guys names on here... but I know I read in their threads about getting their wives from the Philippines or something like that.

That is extremely degrading..oh my how did the marriage turn out?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I just meant teach me haha i didnt take offense any advice is welcome even harsh ones. I dont have much experience with women but the older you get the less women are going to put up with

Ok. I'm glad we're good here! I didn't know how you took it, so I wanted to make sure we're communicating right.

So, it's like this. I understand that you have a dark and horrendous feeling of isolation and loneliness and a need for companionship with a special woman. I know this really is tough to deal with; in fact, I experienced long term depression during my teens and twenties because I often struck out with the ladies, even the Christian ladies. I was dealing with all of that at the time, it didn't help that society offered some 'substitute' ventures. So, when guys like us finds ourselves in an otherwise disadvantageous social climate, we easily get tempted to fill in our needs with what the world has to offer.

When I say there are social lessons to learn, I mean that there is a lot to get in place in our minds about the reality in which we are living, and by that I don't merely mean that it's just 'you' who is failing. You're going to have to understand that part of the reason you are failing is because a large chunk of the rest of people in our society are also failing in sexual matters, of this kind, that kind, and the other kind. Understand?

Then, in finding a woman, you're going to have to first come to the realization, however long that takes, that when you dive into this stuff, you are doing yourself a disfavor by tearing down any social learning and progress God intends for us to make as Christian men. Understand? (I have more to say if you want to hear it, but I what to know if you're following me with what I'm saying so far...)

2PhiloVoid