Whats wrong with me?

[-HisGirl-]

So, Im just upset at the moment. The sermon at church today was so good, and I felt so inspired and encouraged. Only thing is, when I got home I fell into sin :/ I feel like Paul when he said " For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

It just seems like as soon as I start to get close to God I get tempted and backslide. I just annoy myself. Like if I want it that bad why do I still choose to do what I know is wrong? I don't understand. It makes me upset because I feel like I start from square one again.

I think something that was putting temptation into my life was secular music. I kind of started listening to a secular song again, and I feel like that was putting bad stuff into my spirit. So I'm cutting that out.

I'm just sad. Like I spent all last night crying out to God. And then today I fall back into sin? What's wrong with me? I can't even tell you how many times I have said the sinners prayer, invited Jesus into my life and confessed that he is my Lord and savior. I've done that so many times, and every time I backslide I feel like I have to start my journey over again.

Why can't I just seek God and trust him without constantly messing everything up. Like I LITERALLY ruin everything good I have going for me. Sometimes I wish I never existed. I'm scared I will never get out of this funk. It seems like a never ending circle.

 

[little1]

that does suck
Yes, it's what paul said !
I struggle too and I find the struggle a lot easier when I remember that God is not counting our sin against us anymore.

It's very easy for us to see it like that because it's the way we think.

But remember God is not surprised when you fall. He actually knows why. And he still loves you. That's what is so beautiful about him. He loves us either way.

We want to be Holy and good. We love him so we don't want to offend him But he does no it's impossible for us to do perfectly that's why Jesus died to cover all that carnality and sin.

Secular music is riddled with questions and some might be ok listening to it but I know I can not. I am way to sensitive

Don't beet your self up. God doesn't
He wants us not to sin only because he doesn't want us to get hurt. He's concerned with your safety not getting you condemned

 

[381465]

Everybody slips...some more, some less and some won't admit it.

Self criticism, to an extent. Is good. Keeps you in check and striving.
Jesus was perfect, We are not.
He doesn't expect perfection, just striving.

Hang in there. I think when I hear Christians that have all the answers and never check themselves or feel convicted it is dangerous territory.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

So, Im just upset at the moment. The sermon at church today was so good, and I felt so inspired and encouraged. Only thing is, when I got home I fell into sin :/ I feel like Paul when he said " For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."

It just seems like as soon as I start to get close to God I get tempted and backslide. I just annoy myself. Like if I want it that bad why do I still choose to do what I know is wrong? I don't understand. It makes me upset because I feel like I start from square one again.

I think something that was putting temptation into my life was secular music. I kind of started listening to a secular song again, and I feel like that was putting bad stuff into my spirit. So I'm cutting that out.

I'm just sad. Like I spent all last night crying out to God. And then today I fall back into sin? What's wrong with me? I can't even tell you how many times I have said the sinners prayer, invited Jesus into my life and confessed that he is my Lord and savior. I've done that so many times, and every time I backslide I feel like I have to start my journey over again.

Why can't I just seek God and trust him without constantly messing everything up. Like I LITERALLY ruin everything good I have going for me. Sometimes I wish I never existed. I'm scared I will never get out of this funk. It seems like a never ending circle.

From experience I would say that people often get attacked spiritually, and can fall into sin after God does something inspiring or good.

I had an experience last week where I was out witnessing, and Jesus seemed to turn up in a more real way than in the past. He allowed me to prophecy to some people that came to me. I.e. As a man approached me He told me he was a Muslim, and a Sunni Muslim. So I asked the man if he was a Muslim, and if he was a Sunni, to which he replied "Yes, I am". Things like that. I went home, and with in a few hours the devil had attacked me, and I had fallen into a sin, which normally I would not do.

It just makes us feel bad, and down on ourselves. For me this held me back from going out again, I have been since, but for a time it made me feel like dirt. I think the devil knows our weaknesses, and will push our buttons every time we do well to hold us down.

In your case, you can hear your hearts cry, you want to serve God with your heart, but your mind is messing with you. Don't be concerned about messing up, just keep your focus on Jesus.

Being in God's presence is the very thing that will keep you from sin, don't run from that presence, due to failure.

I will leave you with a quote from the bible, it says "Pray that you enter not into temptation, for the Spirit is willing, but the flesh weak". As we pray God strengthens us, it is like a sponge if we soak up God we will have power to stop sinning, if we go dry we will sin more. So soak up God's presence. BTW when I say God's presence, it is not always a felt experience, it is just spending time with God, and in His word the bible.

 

[-HisGirl-]

Thank you all for commenting! All of the comments spoke to my heart. And I'm glad that you guys shared all of that with me I'm excited to keep moving forward in my relationship with God because I know it will be worth it. Thanks for encouraging me!

 

[-HisGirl-]

From experience I would say that people often get attacked spiritually, and can fall into sin after God does something inspiring or good.

I had an experience last week where I was out witnessing, and Jesus seemed to turn up in a more real way than in the past. He allowed me to prophecy to some people that came to me. I.e. As a man approached me He told me he was a Muslim, and a Sunni Muslim. So I asked the man if he was a Muslim, and if he was a Sunni, to which he replied "Yes, I am". Things like that. I went home, and with in a few hours the devil had attacked me, and I had fallen into a sin, which normally I would not do.

It just makes us feel bad, and down on ourselves. For me this held me back from going out again, I have been since, but for a time it made me feel like dirt. I think the devil knows our weaknesses, and will push our buttons every time we do well to hold us down.

In your case, you can hear your hearts cry, you want to serve God with your heart, but your mind is messing with you. Don't be concerned about messing up, just keep your focus on Jesus.

Being in God's presence is the very thing that will keep you from sin, don't run from that presence, due to failure.

I will leave you with a quote from the bible, it says "Pray that you enter not into temptation, for the Spirit is willing, but the flesh weak". As we pray God strengthens us, it is like a sponge if we soak up God we will have power to stop sinning, if we go dry we will sin more. So soak up God's presence. BTW when I say God's presence, it is not always a felt experience, it is just spending time with God, and in His word the bible.

That sounds awesome! God speaking to you of course Ya it does seem like that huh? Every time I feel encouraged like I want to follow God completely and make him the center of my life, the devil creeps in and tempts me. How annoying lol. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[Goodbook]

Ask Him to make your paths straight (not go round in circles) and also tell the devil where to go and stop annoying you. jesus would often say get thee behind Satan! YOu have authority in Jesus name to do this. So speak out.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

Our spiritual walk (like life in general) is often a series of ups and downs. In the long run, how we take care of ourselves and exercise spiritually is what determines if we have more ups than downs. We also need to to adopt a healthy way of measuring how our spiritual life is doing.

As an analogy, focusing only on lack of sin as the main measure of spiritual "success" is sort of like using a scale as the sole measure of one's physical health. If one eats healthy, regularly exercises, reduces stress in their life, and adopts healthy life practices, they'll generally feel better and the weight will eventually start dropping. They will be healthier, not just lighter. On the other hand, someone who only focuses on changing the scale can develop eating disorders or jump from fad diet to fad diet trying to lose weight. They might be lighter, but they won't necessarily be healthier. I think it's the same way in our spiritual life, absence of sin is primarily caused by spiritual growth and maturity. Focusing on growth will tend to reduce unhealthy behaviors in our lives in the long run. Focusing purely on sin-reduction is like focusing purely on scale readings. Keeping track of how many miles we walk in a week is perhaps a better measure of physical health than scales.

We all need to figure out how spiritual disciplines (prayer, scripture reading, meditation, etc.) work best in our lives. Some are morning people; others night owls; some work best on a weekly schedule; some like to meditate while taking walks, others while in a quiet room, etc. etc. Integrating spiritual disciplines into our lives in a natural comfortable way that works for us as individuals makes for long term spiritual growth.