Open letter to those with food addicts in their lives

[LovebirdsFlying]

Time of year is only a coincidence. This is not a New Year's resolution. It's a medical necessity, because I've had such trouble recently with getting a handle on my blood sugar readings. If I don't want to be dead or on dialysis with in ten years, things have to change. And for those of you who also wouldn't want that to happen, please listen up. I am not speaking to anyone individually. This is for everyone who knows and cares about me.

In the past, just as with food addiction, I have also dealt with alcohol and tobacco. And, just as there are food pushers with their coaxing of, "Oh, just a little bit won't hurt you," yes, I have actually had people argue with me about the other substances too. "What? Don't be silly. You're not an alcoholic. You just need to know when to say when. Have a drink or two, and don't get carried away." Or, fully aware that I was trying to quit smoking, repeatedly asking me, "Are you sure you don't want a cigarette?" Please understand, these things HAVE happened. Not that I was afraid they would, but they did. I have since quit both alcohol and tobacco, but I had to start a new life, and get away from the people I knew who were pushing those substances. I don't want it to be the same way with the food addiction. Here is the best way to help, if you'd like to.

GREEN ZONE: What it's OK to do.
1.) Ask me questions about regularly scheduled meals. Unlike other addictions, food cannot be cut out entirely. It's a biological fact. We have to eat.
2.) Ask me once if I've eaten already.
3.) When cooking a regularly scheduled meal, if for some reason I'm not available, it's OK to put some aside for me. In fact, thank you.

YELLOW ZONE: What I wish you wouldn't do.
1.) Ask me if I want something every single time you're about to eat. I recognize that you're trying to be polite, but people have different nutritional needs, and I may not need as much as you do.
2.) Directly offer me something not diabetic-friendly.
3.) Ask me if I want something, very soon after I've just eaten. Granted, you're not always going to know I've just eaten, AND it is my responsibility to say no. The trouble is, being repeatedly asked makes it harder to do that, and I appreciate your cooperation in not leading me into temptation. Which brings me to:

RED ZONE: What it is absolutely not OK to do.
1.) Ask me again if I'm sure I don't want any X, after I've already said "No, thank you." Maybe you are under the impression I was only refusing it for good manners' sake, and I secretly would like to have some, but I assure you, that's not the case.
2.) Ask me, a few minutes after I've said I don't want any X, thank you, if I'd like some Y instead. Not hungry means not hungry, even if the Y does smell and taste appetizing.
3.) Try to coax me by telling me a little bit won't hurt me. Addictions don't work that way.
4.) Argue with me that I'm fine the way I am, and I don't need to be thin to be beautiful, etc. While I very much appreciate the sentiment, this isn't about my looks. It's about my health. My life is at stake.
5.) Caution me not to get carried away, or if I do start losing some weight, act concerned that I'm not eating enough. Anorexia and overdieting have NEVER been a problem for me. I am under a doctor's supervision, so please, leave the advice to the experts.

I feel I should note again that to overcome the other addictions, I had to get away from the pushers. Continued violations of those things in the red zone will cause me to suspect that there is some deliberate sabotage going on, and I'm not going to like it. That's all I need to say. Thank you for hearing me.

 

[Goodbook]

Can i ask is it a certain type of food you addicted to or is it all foods?

One of my friends seems to just go crazy over coffee and/or chocolate. I wont even mention it and she will be thinking about this food way before It has even entered my head. But I think shes in denial about her disordered eating.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I have binge-eating disorder. That's a tendency to starve myself in an effort to lose weight, and then make up for it later, which actually causes a gain. Once I start eating, I have a lot of trouble moderating it. I believe it's food in general, because I can start munching on something I don't even like the taste of, and soon I'm eating it compulsively. It is worse with sugar and other carbs, but I'd say it's food in general.

One thing that helps me is the recent discovery of a few food sensitivities, wheat being one of them. There goes a lot of the tempting junk. I don't even have to explain that I'm watching my weight or my blood sugar. I can just say, "I'm allergic," and people don't do the "a little bit won't hurt" routine. Oh, yes it will. I have no desire to be in the emergency room, doubled over and screaming with stomach cramps, thank you. It's funny how a food sensitivity, people understand, but "I'm watching my weight," doesn't compute.

 

[Goodbook]

Can you just not have regular meal times, ie. eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, and no snacks in between because each of those meals is enough?

Or do you just keep on eating even after you've finished your plate? I don't understand.

When you go shopping do you buy more food than you need? Who cooks the meals in your household?

I'm trying to deal with a friend who has these binge eating symptoms to understand why she's so obsessed with eating and weight. Going out with her become a drag because she's always going on about it. It is like she cannot literally think of anything else.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Well, I'm diabetic, so I have to eat something every few hours. If I don't, my blood sugar goes out of whack. I need to have regular meals, and small snacks in between. Low carb is best. If I eat too much, my glucose levels skyrocket. If I don't eat enough, it slowly creeps upward. So, overeating equals high blood sugar, but undereating also does.

I wasn't always diabetic. My eating disorder started when I was about eight years old and decided I was fat. I wasn't. I was only maturing early, ahead of my classmates. I was heavier, but I was also taller and more developed. That didn't matter. All I saw was that I weighed the most in my class, besides the teacher. So I started giving my lunch away. I skipped more and more meals, starved myself until I couldn't stand it anymore, only to make up for it later. I'd eat and eat, long after I was full. I would also eat simply because I liked the taste, or because I was bored and it was something to do, or because I was depressed and it was comfort food. Unfortunately for me, that's when I was most visible to people. They didn't see me skipping meals, because they weren't there. They only saw me eating like there's no tomorrow, and they'd think, "No wonder she's getting fat." So they'd make remarks and fat jokes, and it would shame me into starving myself some more, and the cycle starts all over again. Eventually I couldn't even tell when I was hungry or full, because I couldn't read my body's signals. I'd been ignoring them for so long, my body stopped sending them.

That pattern of skipping meals and then overcompensating later caused me to gain weight over the years. I wasn't fat when I started out, even though I thought I was, but I gradually became fat because of this kind of eating. The irony is, if I'd never thought of myself that way in the first place, I probably wouldn't have ended up the size I became.

I understand getting obsessed with the matter. That's why I don't even own a scale. If I did, I'd be on it all the time, intensely hating myself if I've gained a pound, frustrated if I've stayed the same, feeling happy only if I've lost. That just wouldn't be good for anybody's mental health, so I weigh only at the doctor's office.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Oh, and the other questions. I live with a husband, a daughter, and a nephew. All of us have food issues. We do the shopping together, and in my opinion we do buy more than we need. Fortunately my husband and I are working with a nutritionist, and that's going to help us figure out what we actually do need.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

For reference, I was ## years old in this photo, and almost as tall as some adults. I thought I was Shamu.

 

[Goodbook]

Shamu?

Hey you look normal 9 year old to me. When we are ## years old we are still growing. I was always skinny thing. I got told the opposite and to eat more.

With my friend shes not diabetic, but could an eating disorder create diabetes or is that just a genetic thing?

She does talk about blood sugar levels but she doesnt take insulin or anything and if she didnt eat or skipped a meal she wouldnt die. Although to hear her sometimes talk youd think it was a matter of life or death if she didnt have a slice of cake.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

As I understand it (we can't give medical advice here, but we can say what we think) diabetes is a combination of genetics and lifestyle risk factors. If you're genetically predisposed to diabetes, you'll probably get it eventually no matter what you do. I am. But if you don't take care of yourself, as I didn't, you'll get it sooner and have a harder time fighting it. People without the genetic predisposition may not end up with it, even if they do have lifestyle risk factors, but there's no way to say for sure.

 

[Goodbook]

On my mums side some relatives have diabetes.

But as far as I know the friend doesnt have diabetes she just overeats. I dont see her, because she does it at night when nobody else is up.

She is always asking me if She lost weight but i have no idea cos I am not a scale.

 

[Goodbook]

I found a book today at the christian bookstore that may help me understand my friend its called overeating and written by June Hunt.

She writes a lot of biblically based booklets dealing with specific issues.

 

[Ronit]

I found a book today at the christian bookstore that may help me understand my friend its called overeating and written by June Hunt.

She writes a lot of biblically based booklets dealing with specific issues.

June Hunt is the Best!