Youth Leader wearing revealing attire

[Kayla37]

We recently hired a new youth leader to our team a few months ago. She has been a believer for 6 years and seems to have zeal for her pursuit of the Lord and in time has formed great relationships with the girls in our group. Recently we had an annual indoor heated pool event for our youth group. The males are required to wear at least a tank top and the girls have to wear at least a one piece or a dark shirt over a two piece. The same rules obviously apply to the leaders. Quite to our surprise this particular leader obeyed in wearing a one piece but it was a thong in the back and extremely revealing so as to call unwanted attention and stumbling for the males and questions from the girls. She defended herself by stating she wasn't doing anything we weren't told to do which seemed like sliding by the rules because of lack of specifics. She doesn't seem to think her actions were wrong and unfortunately it seems we may have to remove her as a leader all because of this incident which will affect the girls she has already bonded with. We want to approach this situation with grace but at the same time truth and we don't wish for this to turn into a bigger situation than it needed to be. Unfortunately there is no excuse for someone in her position of leadership to wear such attire around people she is supposed to be ministering to and defending herself in such a subtly sneakyway if I may add. It came way out of left field and we just want to do what is right in God's eyes regarding her future here withus. Any advice?

 

[Freetobefreedom]

i would do what the bible says about approaching people who have offended you and pray for her, but it is her choice to repent or not. But either way dont hold unforgiveness against her.

 

[jimmyjimmy]

We recently hired a new youth leader to our team a few months ago. She has been a believer for 6 years and seems to have zeal for her pursuit of the Lord and in time has formed great relationships with the girls in our group. Recently we had an annual indoor heated pool event for our youth group. The males are required to wear at least a tank top and the girls have to wear at least a one piece or a dark shirt over a two piece. The same rules obviously apply to the leaders. Quite to our surprise this particular leader obeyed in wearing a one piece but it was a thong in the back and extremely revealing so as to call unwanted attention and stumbling for the males and questions from the girls. She defended herself by stating she wasn't doing anything we weren't told to do which seemed like sliding by the rules because of lack of specifics. She doesn't seem to think her actions were wrong and unfortunately it seems we may have to remove her as a leader all because of this incident which will affect the girls she has already bonded with. We want to approach this situation with grace but at the same time truth and we don't wish for this to turn into a bigger situation than it needed to be. Unfortunately there is no excuse for someone in her position of leadership to wear such attire around people she is supposed to be ministering to and defending herself in such a subtly sneakyway if I may add. It came way out of left field and we just want to do what is right in God's eyes regarding her future here withus. Any advice?

Why in the world an untrained, and unqualified young woman is "leading" your children is beyond me.

The church, and her children, are to be lead by godly men, not young women.

 

[Kayla37]

i would do what the bible says about approaching people who have offended you and pray for her, but it is her choice to repent or not. But either way dont hold unforgiveness against her.

I agree. I think the difficulty is possibly making the decision to have her removed from leadership.

 

[Ffraid]

Why in the world an untrained, and unqualified young woman is "leading" your children is beyond me.

The church, and her children, are to be lead by godly men, not young women.

The sight of godly men herding a gaggle of youngsters around a pool is something I'd pay to see.

 

[Kayla37]

Why in the world an untrained, and unqualified young woman is "leading" your children is beyond me.

The church, and her children, are to be lead by godly men, not young women.

Thank you for responding, but could you be a bit more specific?

 

[AlexDTX]

We recently hired a new youth leader to our team a few months ago. She has been a believer for 6 years and seems to have zeal for her pursuit of the Lord and in time has formed great relationships with the girls in our group. Recently we had an annual indoor heated pool event for our youth group. The males are required to wear at least a tank top and the girls have to wear at least a one piece or a dark shirt over a two piece. The same rules obviously apply to the leaders. Quite to our surprise this particular leader obeyed in wearing a one piece but it was a thong in the back and extremely revealing so as to call unwanted attention and stumbling for the males and questions from the girls. She defended herself by stating she wasn't doing anything we weren't told to do which seemed like sliding by the rules because of lack of specifics. She doesn't seem to think her actions were wrong and unfortunately it seems we may have to remove her as a leader all because of this incident which will affect the girls she has already bonded with. We want to approach this situation with grace but at the same time truth and we don't wish for this to turn into a bigger situation than it needed to be. Unfortunately there is no excuse for someone in her position of leadership to wear such attire around people she is supposed to be ministering to and defending herself in such a subtly sneakyway if I may add. It came way out of left field and we just want to do what is right in God's eyes regarding her future here withus. Any advice?

1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work....

1Ti 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.​

Six years in Christ is still a novice. Church leaders take "whosoever will" too far.

 

[AlexDTX]

The sight of godly men herding a gaggle of youngsters around a pool is something I'd pay to see.

LOL

 

[Kayla37]

LOL

What would no longer be considered a novice to you?

 

[AlexDTX]

What would no longer be considered a novice to you?

Good question. Timothy was considered a youth, but we don't know how long he had been in the Lord. There are also people who have been in the Lord many years yet remain immature because they do not obey the Lord. The quote from the Bible I used lists qualifications.

1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1Ti 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.
1Ti 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

As you can see I underlined the positive and used italics for the negatives. Maturity in Christ is known by behavior. The behavior of this young lady indicates immaturity. Humility is another point of maturity. Instead of realizing her dress was inappropriate, she justified herself.

As for a number of years, I would average 10 years or more in Christ as prerequisite for leadership. Of course, the Holy Spirit should be the one who decides on leadership.

 

[Kayla37]

Good question. Timothy was considered a youth, but we don't know how long he had been in the Lord. There are also people who have been in the Lord many years yet remain immature because they do not obey the Lord. The quote from the Bible I used lists qualifications.

1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1Ti 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.
1Ti 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

As you can see I underlined the positive and used italics for the negatives. Maturity in Christ is known by behavior. The behavior of this young lady indicates immaturity. Humility is another point of maturity. Instead of realizing her dress was inappropriate, she justified herself.

As for a number of years, I would average 10 years or more in Christ as prerequisite for leadership. Of course, the Holy Spirit should be the one who decides on leadership.

 

[Postvieww]

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

I would only suggest whoever speaks with the young lady (pastor, deacon, leader) have a woman (wife) present with them at the time.

 

[Kayla37]

Good question. Timothy was considered a youth, but we don't know how long he had been in the Lord. There are also people who have been in the Lord many years yet remain immature because they do not obey the Lord. The quote from the Bible I used lists qualifications.

1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1Ti 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil.
1Ti 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

As you can see I underlined the positive and used italics for the negatives. Maturity in Christ is known by behavior. The behavior of this young lady indicates immaturity. Humility is another point of maturity. Instead of realizing her dress was inappropriate, she justified herself.

As for a number of years, I would average 10 years or more in Christ as prerequisite for leadership. Of course, the Holy Spirit should be the one who decides on leadership.

Those are great verses and points. With that said would the next move be to remove her from leadership? And if so how do we handle the relationships she's already formed with the girls?

 

[AlexDTX]

Those are great verses and points. With that said would the next move be to remove her from leadership? And if so how do we handle the relationships she's already formed with the girls?

Postview said it best. This is something a mature believer needs to address. When I was a student in Bible school, a teacher made fun of me in class. I was so hurt by his thoughtless behavior, but I decided to forgive him and let it go. However, the Holy Spirit kept urging me to speak with him. Finally I submitted to the Lord and approached him. Because I had no intention of hurting him back, I simply told him how I felt when he made fun of me. As it turned out he had not realized his comments were hurting my feelings, and he had no intention of hurting my feelings since he was merely joking around. He had immediate sorrow and profusely apologized. The teacher was a mature believe who simply had become careless. My point in the story is that reconciliation was made because I approached by the leading of the Spirit, not because I had an agenda.

 

[Kayla37]

Postview said it best. This is something a mature believer needs to address. When I was a student in Bible school, a teacher made fun of me in class. I was so hurt by his thoughtless behavior, but I decided to forgive him and let it go. However, the Holy Spirit kept urging me to speak with him. Finally I submitted to the Lord and approached him. Because I had no intention of hurting him back, I simply told him how I felt when he made fun of me. As it turned out he had not realized his comments were hurting my feelings, and he had no intention of hurting my feelings since he was merely joking around. He had immediate sorrow and profusely apologized. The teacher was a mature believe who simply had become careless. My point in the story is that reconciliation was made because I approached by the leading of the Spirit, not because I had an agenda.

That's a good point. I believe I am just worried about handling the result but ultimate submitting to God's sovereignty will take care of the situation and just being obedient one step at a time.

 

[pdudgeon]

this lady may well be a good follower of Christ, but in this area of proper attire she hasn't yet been schooled.
As such, the first thing she needs to know is what she did wrong and more importantly why it was wrong.

this won't be the first or the last time that mistakes happen through ignorance. But chances are it's ignorance at the bottom of this incident and not a deliberate skirting of the rules.

We don't know how the incident itself was handled, but the next time something like this happens, a woman should approach the person in question and quietly explain what the problem is, and offer a solution;
such as volunteering to watch the youth while she goes home to change her clothing.
This is something that can be corrected and explained to her so she knows in time for the next event with the youth.

I wouldn't fire her but give her a chance to learn from her mistake, and also the church elders should make sure that there is a woman available to mentor her through her first year with the youth group.

 

[Quid est Veritas?]

In the young lady's defence, it doesn't seem this was intentional. She complied to the rules as presented to her and from what you wrote was otherwise a good youth leader. I doubt she 'dishonestly' defended herself to 'sneak by' the rules, she probably understood them in that manner.
I obviously don't know her, but from your piece she seems sincere and I really don't think she was trying to cause a ruckus or make anyone stray.

Basically this seems to me to be an artifact of misunderstanding. I am sure she thinks this is making a mountain out of a molehill and is probably posting on another forum how church leadership removed her from her position in spite of her good work and complying to the rules and dress code they had given her.

 

[FanTheFlame]

Those are great verses and points. With that said would the next move be to remove her from leadership? And if so how do we handle the relationships she's already formed with the girls?

I believe that the leaders should get together and pray before acting. Then as said before have at least 1 woman leader (or pastors wife) be with the individual(s) that encounter the youth leader. Speak to her In love and gracefully, but explain in sterness and reveal scripture to her that explains what she did was wrong (such as being a stumbling block and having Godly wisdom and discernment). After speaking with her I'd recommend you all pray with her together. If it leads to dismissing her as leader, still pray with her.

 

[pdudgeon]

p.s. it would also help for the elders to remember that she hasn't been with their particular church for very long, so what they themselves know backwards and forwards regarding their church rules is most likely brand new to everyone comming into their church.

As such, she won't be the only person who gets something wrong.
That's important to remember.

It's the job of the elders to come along side in friendship, to be available, approachable, and to help new people assimilate well into the fabric of the church. The better they do this, the stronger their church will be.

 

[grasping the after wind]

How long was Paul a Christian before he was leading? The length of time is irrelevant . Leadership is a spiritual gift from God not a matter of time passing. I have no idea what youth ministry entails in the particular congregation we are discussing but, in my experience, most "Youth Ministry" is nothing more than fellowship with a sprinkling of kumbaya Christianity to allow people to pretend that it is a teaching ministry rather than a social club ministry. For some reason just being a fellowship ministry is not enough for many and they reject the idea even though they accept the practice as long as it is couched within a deception. That being the case, a responsible adult is all I see as necessary to fulfill the needs of the position. The list of candidates lining up to do this job are not filled with many older sages that possess years of experience in theological and doctrinal study. Those interested tend to be rather young and inexperienced as one would expect in keeping with the situation.
The particular leader here seems to be a modern day Pharisee using the letter of the law to excuse violating the spirit of the law. If I were her supervisor, I would have a long talk about what that means not only in this situation but as a general practice in life. If, after that discussion, it was clear she realized where her error was and could assure me that she understands what her role demanded in terms of attire then I would see no reason to remove her. If she persisted in making excuses based upon the letter of the law then there would be no other choice than to look for someone else to replace her.
.