what are you feeling right now? (23)

[LoyalToGod]

Thank you, Noxot. I'm sorry for being unthankful and being "childish" lately.

 

[Noxot]

Thank you, Noxot. I'm sorry for being unthankful and being "childish" lately.

imo, we are all children or at least part of us is.

 

[W2L]

And as usual,

I wasn't able to reply, I had problems I needed to resolve. Many hours without sleep, and my big mouth, got me into trouble.

Anyway, I don't like to see anyone suffer with loneliness. I would have responded if I could. I'm glad Noxot had your back though.

 

[Noxot]

i'm happy that God has shown me clearly to repeat "13" over and over as a spiritual discipline. i'm relieved that I know of something to do in this life and it is such a simple thing. like a child I will have faith in God and do this weak thing for him and he shall surly save me from the torments of myself and this world.

 

[grandvizier1006]

i'm happy that God has shown me clearly to repeat "13" over and over as a spiritual discipline. i'm relieved that I know of something to do in this life and it is such a simple thing. like a child I will have faith in God and do this weak thing for him and he shall surly save me from the torments of myself and this world.

I don't know if repeating "13" is the kind of thing God would ask of you, but if it's soothing to you then keep doing it.

 

[LoyalToGod]

I wasn't able to reply, I had problems I needed to resolve. Many hours without sleep, and my big mouth, got me into trouble.

Anyway, I don't like to see anyone suffer with loneliness. I would have responded if I could. I'm glad Noxot had your back though.

Thank you, W2L.

 

[W2L]

Thank you, W2L.

You're welcome Loyal.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

Mom's condition goes from good to worse. The infection isn't going away and there's fluid in her lungs because of treatment and they want to do surgery but can't because of the fluid and her difficulty breathing.

All of this from a stray cat biting her. They say it's rabbit fever or whatever, but I think it's because a cat's bite is poisonous to humans and it's from that. But dad's done talking about it.

 

[W2L]

Mom's condition goes from good to worse. The infection isn't going away and there's fluid in her lungs because of treatment and they want to do surgery but can't because of the fluid and her difficulty breathing.

All of this from a stray cat biting her. They say it's rabbit fever or whatever, but I think it's because a cat's bite is poisonous to humans and it's from that. But dad's done talking about it.

It sounds serious.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

http://www.medicinenet.com/tularemia/article.htm

May God the ultimate physician be with your mother now!

I pray for her.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

My mother wants me to move to the big city. I don't want to move. I had enough of big cities. I like where I am now. My mother suffers from untreated bipolar illness. She is irritable at times, sleeps less than three hours a day, has grandiose delusions, and mania. I love her very much. But, I believe she wants me to move based on her whims again. I am sick myself but take meds. I know this move is not necessary and want to avoid the stress involved with moving. If I moved with other family members to the big city, then I would move. But she wants me to move by myself. No, thank you.

I am doing well here. I like it here. Small town but it is a nice place. Yes, the suicide rate is the highest here. This is due to the bad economy and weather. I like it though. I hibernated during the winter. It was frigid cold but if the eskimos can live in igloos, I can survive the winters here. The economy is dying since the young are leaving for the big city. I don't plan to live forever though and want to live where I want.

In any case, I am going to enjoy my time here until my mother arrives. I will discuss matters with her then.

 

[W2L]

My mother wants me to move to the big city. I don't want to move. I had enough of big cities. I like where I am now. My mother suffers from untreated bipolar illness. She is irritable at times, sleeps less than three hours a day, has grandiose delusions, and mania. I love her very much. But, I believe she wants me to move based on her whims again. I am sick myself but take meds. I know this move is not necessary and want to avoid the stress involved with moving. If I moved with other family members to the big city, then I would move. But she wants me to move by myself. No, thank you.

I am doing well here. I like it here. Small town but it is a nice place. Yes, the suicide rate is the highest here. This is due to the bad economy and weather. I like it though. I hibernated during the winter. It was frigid cold but if the eskimos can live in igloos, I can survive the winters here. The economy is dying since the young are leaving for the big city. I don't plan to live forever though and want to live where I want.

In any case, I am going to enjoy my time here until my mother arrives. I will discuss matters with her then.

I would love to live in the country.

 

[Noxot]

Mom's condition goes from good to worse. The infection isn't going away and there's fluid in her lungs because of treatment and they want to do surgery but can't because of the fluid and her difficulty breathing.

All of this from a stray cat biting her. They say it's rabbit fever or whatever, but I think it's because a cat's bite is poisonous to humans and it's from that. But dad's done talking about it.

my mother almost died on me a few years ago, her liver was not working. the doctors said she was gonna die. I hope your mom will be okay

 

[Jeshu]

not feeling very happy, just tired, I wish I could sleep for a year.

 

[Noxot]

I don't know if repeating "13" is the kind of thing God would ask of you, but if it's soothing to you then keep doing it.

I wish autistic people would experiment with such kinds of mind altering things. did you know that meditation increases white matter in the brain? I think that autistic people have more white matter than is normal? my 'default mode network' part of the brain is often out of control with automatic negative thoughts, I would much rather say a word that is connected to very many meaningful and good things in me than to let the evil things go on inside of me.

there were too many signs given to me, it is without a doubt what i should do.

13 is the holiest number to me, it is a symbol for the Trinity. in hebrew gematria the words "love" "void" "my father" and "one" all add up to 13

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ajapa_japa

the Orthodox church uses the short Jesus prayer and various different religions or sects use different techniques.

this time I won't give up. I would so much rather be in the world but not of it than i would to be lost in the world. I prefer to be lost in prayer.

 

[W2L]

not feeling very happy, just tired, I wish I could sleep for a year.

How are your fish doing? Have you fixed the problem with the pump yet?

 

[Jeshu]

I have just 6 fish left, and am just ironing out all the bugs in the system so to speak, before I get more. I've ordered 4 pumps and 2 float switches all 12volt. The floats arrived today the pumps hopefully on Monday. Then I'm going to buy a deep cell battery at the local solar shop and a battery charger. I want to double up everything and always have a pump ready in reserve in case on dies overnight. The float switches will take care off that in the sump but for the aerating pump I hope to get hold of a pressure switch from an old dishwasher this way I can start up my idle pump the moment the pressure drops because something is wrong. when everything is in place then I will get more fish not before. The plants are growing though so from that perspective everything works good.

 

[W2L]

I have just 6 fish left, and am just ironing out all the bugs in the system so to speak, before I get more. I've ordered 4 pumps and 2 float switches all 12volt. The floats arrived today the pumps hopefully on Monday. Then I'm going to buy a deep cell battery at the local solar shop and a battery charger. I want to double up everything and always have a pump ready in reserve in case on dies overnight. The float switches will take care off that in the sump but for the aerating pump I hope to get hold of a pressure switch from an old dishwasher this way I can start up my idle pump the moment the pressure drops because something is wrong. when everything is in place then I will get more fish not before. The plants are growing though so from that perspective everything works good.

Sounds like progress brother. Sounds good. I look forward to hearing more about it in the future.

 

[blessedbethyname101]

I feel bad I put down my mother and her illness. I found out the place she wants me to move is about an hour away from the big city. May be I can commute and find a job in the city.

I have hope and am giving this situation to God, instead of letting my anxiety get a hold of me.

 

[chaoticfirefly]

I hope we completely bypass the stupid family reunion. I don't want to deal with alcoholics and being responsible for a group of children while their parents get blackout drunk. I don't want to put up with the same lewd comments from an 80 year old half blind man who was making the same comments since I was 12 and I was told to get over it. I don't want questions about my personal life.

And mostly, I don't wanna see my cousin miscarry because she doesn't know how to put down the bottle and doesn't seem to understand that it's not only PCOS that terminates her wanted pregnancies. It just upsets me because she's been trying for years and went through surgeries and birth controls, always thinking this time. She gets pregnant but can't quit drinking or smoking, so she loses it. Rinse and repeat.

Not to mention, I'll be pressured to try this or that drink because somehow sobriety (lol) is such a weird and scary concept. And, "I can't drink while on medication" and "If I start, I won't stop" and "I dislike the taste" aren't viable excuses.

Why can't people respect me when I say "No"? Why can't they just back off and take it for an answer? Because one day I will stop being nice. And I've been called a monster when I'm not nice. I will burn and destroy everything.