favoritetoyisjoy
Regular Member
"My wife and I are both Christians, we love the Lord with all of our hearts. ...we deeply care for each other. We [are]...in pretty good shape."
All good things. Hopefully, the comment "we deeply care for each other" indicates that things between you are good or even great except for the low sex drive. If so, this is extremely rare, since men very rarely, IME almost never, report low sexual frequency unless there are other symptoms of relationship problems. Such as tangible/regular evidence of disrespect, being inconsiderate, chronic nagging, absence of even non-sexual affection, lack of emotional support, indifference, disregard, excuses against spending quality time together, and so on.
In one case, a wife had a low drive due to a physical issue, but none of the indicators of relationship problems were there. She also used other methods to give her husband release, which you could probably call "due benevolence", or if some prefer, "benevolence". Where there really is a genuine, loving heart attitude, benevolence, good will, and strong intentions, there is much more often than not a viable way through it, together. Even though the guy was frustrated at times, he was able to see the situation as legitimate due to her consistently loving manner toward him, and an unfortunate case of "for better or worse", and was able to normalize.
Practically anything about infrequent sex is understandable and/or workable (by my definition) if the marriage relationship is otherwise, or even just adequately, healthy.
IMO, men would get resolution much more often and much more successfully if they would focus on the relationship in an overall sense rather than so much focus on the single aspect of low frequency. For most of us, the shortcut to great sex is a great relationship, and almost never the other way around. This would include some honest self-examination and concrete effort to improve where necessary, just as men want their wives to do. It's not that hard, if things in the relationship are good it'll be easily detectable that it is.
"The sex is great when we have it, I make sure that I satisfy her multiple times..."
When I read this comment I thought, "Where is the legitimate mental or physical handicap in this"? Does this comment describe the last time you were intimate? Or in 2015? And as usual, the truth can be stranger than fiction, and no doubt someone will further enlighten me with plausibility on that. Certainly there is the recognition of pre-existing low sex drive, which is defined as 6-8 week frequency (as little as 2-3 weeks initially), so that perhaps would be the best status quo expectation possible, and it's understandable and normal that frequency would decrease somewhat, but 7+ months and counting?
Men who complain about low frequency don't usually describe sex as "great", it's more often described as pretty much one-sided. The wife having an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] isn't very typical, but "great sex" and multiple [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]?
In post #1, you say "We are in counselling, but it's for other things, not sex." In post #7 you say "yes, reasons for counseling are related to her low sex drive..." Which is it? Isn't low sex drive about sex? Or did you mean the physical act itself? After 6 years of "on and off" counselling, I don't understand why there is little or no apparent understanding of the cause, at least not any that you expressed.
I can't get everything here to add up, but if you would like to continue discussion and cut down on speculation, theorizing, and possibly receive better advice, you might indicate to us what your wife's side of the story is in the same detail as you have your own.
All good things. Hopefully, the comment "we deeply care for each other" indicates that things between you are good or even great except for the low sex drive. If so, this is extremely rare, since men very rarely, IME almost never, report low sexual frequency unless there are other symptoms of relationship problems. Such as tangible/regular evidence of disrespect, being inconsiderate, chronic nagging, absence of even non-sexual affection, lack of emotional support, indifference, disregard, excuses against spending quality time together, and so on.
In one case, a wife had a low drive due to a physical issue, but none of the indicators of relationship problems were there. She also used other methods to give her husband release, which you could probably call "due benevolence", or if some prefer, "benevolence". Where there really is a genuine, loving heart attitude, benevolence, good will, and strong intentions, there is much more often than not a viable way through it, together. Even though the guy was frustrated at times, he was able to see the situation as legitimate due to her consistently loving manner toward him, and an unfortunate case of "for better or worse", and was able to normalize.
Practically anything about infrequent sex is understandable and/or workable (by my definition) if the marriage relationship is otherwise, or even just adequately, healthy.
IMO, men would get resolution much more often and much more successfully if they would focus on the relationship in an overall sense rather than so much focus on the single aspect of low frequency. For most of us, the shortcut to great sex is a great relationship, and almost never the other way around. This would include some honest self-examination and concrete effort to improve where necessary, just as men want their wives to do. It's not that hard, if things in the relationship are good it'll be easily detectable that it is.
"The sex is great when we have it, I make sure that I satisfy her multiple times..."
When I read this comment I thought, "Where is the legitimate mental or physical handicap in this"? Does this comment describe the last time you were intimate? Or in 2015? And as usual, the truth can be stranger than fiction, and no doubt someone will further enlighten me with plausibility on that. Certainly there is the recognition of pre-existing low sex drive, which is defined as 6-8 week frequency (as little as 2-3 weeks initially), so that perhaps would be the best status quo expectation possible, and it's understandable and normal that frequency would decrease somewhat, but 7+ months and counting?
Men who complain about low frequency don't usually describe sex as "great", it's more often described as pretty much one-sided. The wife having an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] isn't very typical, but "great sex" and multiple [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]?
In post #1, you say "We are in counselling, but it's for other things, not sex." In post #7 you say "yes, reasons for counseling are related to her low sex drive..." Which is it? Isn't low sex drive about sex? Or did you mean the physical act itself? After 6 years of "on and off" counselling, I don't understand why there is little or no apparent understanding of the cause, at least not any that you expressed.
I can't get everything here to add up, but if you would like to continue discussion and cut down on speculation, theorizing, and possibly receive better advice, you might indicate to us what your wife's side of the story is in the same detail as you have your own.
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