12-year-old boy suspended for staring at girl

[patrick jane]

I should have been suspended for life, I loved the girls

 

[SnowyMacie]

Another example of why zero tolerance policies are ridiculous.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Here's more. http://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/2015/10/06/st-gabriels-suspension-upheld/73481764/



Asians do have a different culture to non-Asians. Perhaps she was more intimidated than a non-Asian would have been. I don't know.

I've been involved in a similar situation when I was in 6th grade. After school, in the band room. Scared the daylights out of me, enough so that I didn't go back to school for the rest of the week.

Link

The boys may very well have been "just playing" but the girl apparently didn't see it that way. Perhaps they didn't realize she would feel intimidated being cornered by two boys; they may not have seen it as cornering even. Now either they'll take into consideration the other person's perspective or they'll be bitter and angry and entitled.

A one day suspension really isn't that big of a deal especially at age 12.

I agree here. I stated above that I was involved in a similar experience at that age, and I don't honestly think the boys meant anything by it, but then again, I'd spent most of my school years being bullied mercilessly without the school stepping in to do anything about it. They scared me. A lot. But I was more afraid of what would happen if I reported it.

I was suspended in 7th grade (I know, amazing.) because I told a girl to be quiet during a science test (where the teacher had said he would fail the whole class if anyone was caught talking) and she went and got her 8th grade buddies and jumped me after 7th hour. One girl took my glasses, another took my books, and then this girl grabbed my hair (which was funny considering I have short hair) and then tried to girl fight me. I was a bit stunned, but then cold-cocked her.

The school told my parents they had a "it takes two" policy. It didn't matter that every witness to this fight said I was defending myself. I had contributed to the fight because I hit back.

That suspension never made it to my high school records, and when my high school teachers would hear about it, they laughed.

Once upon a time the children in this case would have gotten sent to the principals office, maybe gotten the cane once or twice, maybe been given a detention and been returned to class. Now in the age of kids rights and helicopter parenting, kids are suspended, miss out on school and it all ends up in a court case.

Ahhh progress.

Yeah, I don't know how I feel about the suspension. It's not that big of a deal, actually, and probably drives the point home, though.

Slight flaw in your analysis - this isn't bullying though.

And more generally, scarcely the first time a female claims to be intimidated over virtually nothing.

While I generally agree with you in this area, having been through this similar experience myself, I can nearly guarantee you that SHE didn't think it was "virtually nothing". Remember, she's 12. We're not 12, and we see things through a different lens.

But as I read this story, it brought back the memories of when it happened to me, and they were not pleasant even being 42 and realizing that the boys didn't mean to be that way. There's just no good reason to do this to someone.

 

[Hank77]

I'm not defending anyone, but if you read carefully the boy's letter of apology, he did say that he would not try to intimidate anyone again. Isn't that an admission of guilt?
Also, perhaps the school is trying to send the message that any kind of purposeful intimidation is wrong.
You can't blame them for that.
Again, I'd like to know more details of exactly what happened, as far as his motivation for his "staring".

If he and the other boy, who was also suspended, had just been staring it would have not been so intimidating, but that is not what they were doing.
"According to court documents: “He walked up to her, said nothing, just stared at her… (She) backed away, and he continued toward her, continuing to stare, continuing not to say anything.” The second boy then “picked up where” the initial encounter “had left off.”"

If it had been my son he would have done more than write an apology. He would have been punished at home. Let's face it, one day vacation from school isn't a punishment.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

If he and the other boy, who was also suspended, had just been staring it would have not been so intimidating, but that is not what they were doing.
"According to court documents: “He walked up to her, said nothing, just stared at her… (She) backed away, and he continued toward her, continuing to stare, continuing not to say anything.” The second boy then “picked up where” the initial encounter “had left off.”"

If it had been my son he would have done more than write an apology. He would have been punished at home. Let's face it, one day vacation from school isn't a punishment.

Yeah, I think the whole "he continued toward her, continuing to stare" is what got me as well.

 

[Tiny Bible]

Another example of why zero tolerance policies are ridiculous.

True. Often enough those policies lead to zero common sense.

 

[Gadarene]

While I generally agree with you in this area, having been through this similar experience myself, I can nearly guarantee you that SHE didn't think it was "virtually nothing". Remember, she's 12. We're not 12, and we see things through a different lens.

It's a good lesson at any age to teach people that just because you feel scared of something doesn't mean you're actually at risk. The opportunity was missed here.

But as I read this story, it brought back the memories of when it happened to me, and they were not pleasant even being 42 and realizing that the boys didn't mean to be that way. There's just no good reason to do this to someone.

Her reaction is more entitled princess-and-the-pea nonsense (oooh "stared at" in a staring game both were taking part in, how "intimidating") - and people have no time for it because if the tables were flipped and the guy was feeling intimidated by the girl, no-one would be calling for the girl to be suspended.

 

[Hank77]

Yeah, I think the whole "he continued toward her, continuing to stare" is what got me as well.

And "not saying anything". She had no idea why or what his intentions were. That is intimidating in itself.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

It's a good lesson at any age to teach people that just because you feel scared of something doesn't mean you're actually at risk. The opportunity was missed here.

Her reaction is more entitled princess-and-the-pea nonsense (oooh "stared at" in a staring game both were taking part in, how "intimidating") - and people have no time for it because if the tables were flipped and the guy was feeling intimidated by the girl, no-one would be calling for the girl to be suspended.

If someone did this to you outside in the real world, and by "this" I mean they stare at you, don't say anything, and then advance on you...what would you do?

 

[Gadarene]

If someone did this to you outside in the real world, and by "this" I mean they stare at you, don't say anything, and then advance on you...what would you do?

If someone I was already friends/work acquaintances with that I'd been playing a staring game with for some time already did it, you mean? Not much. Probably troll them back.

(If I sound bitter, it's in part because I went through something like this at primary school. It was more antipathic than a game - think "glaring contest" rather than staring contest - but the girl complained to teacher and guess who got in trouble. Even though she'd been doing the exact same thing to me as I was to her. Yes, damselling is a habit that begins early in some girls, and plenty of adults reinforce that behaviour.)

 

[SnowyMacie]

True. Often enough those policies lead to zero common sense.

Right.


None us of were in the classroom, and according the article it doesn't even appear the teacher even saw it happen. This really is a time when it's a 12 year-old girl's word against a 12 year-old boy's.

 

[smaneck]

Once upon a time the children in this case would have gotten sent to the principals office, maybe gotten the cane once or twice, maybe been given a detention and been returned to class. Now in the age of kids rights and helicopter parenting, kids are suspended, miss out on school and it all ends up in a court case.

Ahhh progress.

They still get detention. The schools in which I was bullied the most were the schools where they paddled kids. Violence begets violence.

 

[smaneck]

I was suspended in 7th grade (I know, amazing.) because I told a girl to be quiet during a science test (where the teacher had said he would fail the whole class if anyone was caught talking) and she went and got her 8th grade buddies and jumped me after 7th hour. One girl took my glasses, another took my books, and then this girl grabbed my hair (which was funny considering I have short hair) and then tried to girl fight me. I was a bit stunned, but then cold-cocked her.

I got jumped that way in the eighth grade. The fire alarm went off at the school and while we were waiting for the all clear bell I went over and talked to my favorite teacher, Mr. Hagwood. When the bell sounded Mr. Hagwood went up to a girl and asked her if she was ready to go. She went straight to the principal's office thinking I had ratted on her for pulling the alarm. I thought it was just a regular fire drill! Anyhow, she and her friends all jumped me after school. I've never been good at fighting, but when I doubled over from being punched in the stomach the smallest girl in the class came by, dropped her books and single-handedly chased them them all the way. To this day this little girl is the only person from the eighth grade whose name I can remember. She went home and told her mother and the bullying finally stopped.

Personally I'm glad to see schools now take bullying more seriously.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

If someone I was already friends/work acquaintances with that I'd been playing a staring game with for some time already did it, you mean? Not much. Probably troll them back.

Well, we're kinda assuming the girl was "friends" with the boys. I seem to recall that a good number of my classmates were not my "friends" in any way, shape or form so...

But I was really thinking more along the lines of someone you "knew". Maybe a coworker or something.

(If I sound bitter, it's in part because I went through something like this at primary school. It was more antipathic than a game - think "glaring contest" rather than staring contest - but the girl complained to teacher and guess who got in trouble. Even though she'd been doing the exact same thing to me as I was to her. Yes, damselling is a habit that begins early in some girls, and plenty of adults reinforce that behaviour.)

I don't think you sound bitter at all, but if you did, I probably wouldn't blame you because of your own experience. I've known plenty of girls who start stuff with boys and then when it goes too far, they make it out like it was all the boys' doing. It's partly why I have such a hard time dealing with accusations of rape, even though I was a victim myself.

I remember watching that movie with Demi Moore where she's a "seductive" boss and I think it's Michael Douglas and he tries to report her, etc. and I remember one of my guy friends saying "he should be happy that she was pursuing him that way". And I asked him what he would think if Demi was playing an ugly CEO. He didn't answer.

I also cringe though when I hear about female teachers getting in trouble for having inappropriate relationships with boys and people are like "ooh, I bet he wasn't complaining at all!" or "if I could meet that boy I'd give him a high five!"

Oops... /rant

I got jumped that way in the eighth grade. The fire alarm went off at the school and while we were waiting for the all clear bell I went over and talked to my favorite teacher, Mr. Hagwood. When the bell sounded Mr. Hagwood went up to a girl and asked her if she was ready to go. She went straight to the principal's office thinking I had ratted on her for pulling the alarm. I thought it was just a regular fire drill! Anyhow, she and her friends all jumped me after school. I've never been good at fighting, but when I doubled over from being punched in the stomach the smallest girl in the class came by, dropped her books and single-handedly chased them them all the way. To this day this little girl is the only person from the eighth grade whose name I can remember. She went home and told her mother and the bullying finally stopped.

Personally I'm glad to see schools now take bullying more seriously.

I am, too. My parents weren't really sure what to do about it, because they saw it as part of "growing up", but they did get increasingly worried when I just plum refused to go to school. Most of the bullying stopped for me by the time I hit high school, although I still endured a lot of teasing. I went to a private school in 8th grade, so coming back to the public school was a bit harder than I expected. I will say that in 3rd and 5th grade, I was placed in accelerated classes and in some cases, bumped up to the next grade, and that REALLY made a difference. I never got bullied in those situations.

On one hand, it's helped shaped me as a person and as a parent (I've instructed my kids to tell us immediately when there is bullying going on, and constantly reiterate to them that I won't tolerate bullying behavior in my house) so I'm thankful for that, but on the other hand...I think I lost out on A LOT because I was just too afraid to participate much.

 

[DaisyDay]

...if the tables were flipped and the guy was feeling intimidated by the girl, no-one would be calling for the girl to be suspended.

I'm not so sure. There are some pretty intimidating girls especially at that age and it was two to one.

 

[smaneck]

I am, too. My parents weren't really sure what to do about it, because they saw it as part of "growing up", but they did get increasingly worried when I just plum refused to go to school.

I used to get headaches with buzzing in my ears. My mother shuffled me from one doctor to another. The teacher finally pointed out to her that these headaches mostly occurred on Monday mornings. Mind you, they were quite real. If I think too much about those years my ears can still start buzzing.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

I used to get headaches with buzzing in my ears. My mother shuffled me from one doctor to another. The teacher finally pointed out to her that these headaches mostly occurred on Monday mornings. Mind you, they were quite real. If I think too much about those years my ears can still start buzzing.

You and me both.

 

[rambot]

Slight flaw in your analysis - this isn't bullying though.

And more generally, scarcely the first time a female claims to be intimidated over virtually nothing.

So we are better informed than school administrators?

 

[Gadarene]

So we are better informed than school administrators?

No, just that not every assertion of intimidation or bullying is so. Nothing to say they haven't made a dumb call here.

 

[trunks2k]

No, just that not every assertion of intimidation or bullying is so. Nothing to say they haven't made a dumb call here.

The school might have made a really dumb call, they might have slightly over reacted, they might have acted pretty reasonably. In cases like this, I personally give the school the benefit of a doubt unless there's more information presented.

What I do find pretty outrageous is that the parents brought a lawsuit over a one day suspension from a private school.