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what are you feeling right now? (23)

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FlaviusAetius

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I'm sorry I took so long to reply, I've gotten sick so that along with having to keep on working has drained my strength. I don't take back what I said, I still have no reason to love anyone outside of family and am bitter at their success. However I am thankful for everyone's concern here. I'm just sick of having to bear witness the success of others in the midst of my own failure.
 
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RuthD

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Perhaps if you stop comparing yourself to others you might feel better. I am happy for others' accomplishments and am glad someone can do stuff when I can't because I'm still too ill. Also I would stop the failure self talk you will only destroy your self esteem that way. Look at the good you do every day no matter how small or big it is and you may be happier in the long run. Bless you.
 
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grandvizier1006

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I should technically be working on a paper, but I came by to check on someone here. Of course, he's still self-loathing and miserable and ashamed, thinking that he's going to Hell for his sins. And of course one of them is looking at gay inappropriate contentography, so if he came here he'd probably get half the people telling him it's ok to go find a boyfriend (which is practically impossible for him due to his social awkwardness and vertigo issues), or enjoy his inappropriate content (which will just make him feel guilty because he has very little understanding of Christianity and just feels guilt from legalism all the time).

I hate seeing him suffer internally. I'm better from my struggles, mostly, why can't he start feeling better? Why can't he stop feeling like he's "damned to Hell", and that homosexuality (which he hasn't even technically engaged in) isn't going to make him go to Hell instantly, and that he is already saved and forgiven?!?! It's like every bit of advice, from "Yep, you should hate yourself" to, "No, go and touch to as much gay stuff as you want to and invite some other guys over to your apartment for an orgy!" Or anything in between (which is what most people tell him), just seems to go one ear and out the other. Like he forgets it and goes back to being miserable.

I know that I'm not responsible for him and freedom and autonomy and all that, but why can't he get better? Am I a bad person for wanting to intervene in his life, even though I can't, so that he can stop feeling ashamed and walk a godly path? :sigh:

my point is, please pray for this guy.
 
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RuthD

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I should technically be working on a paper, but I came by to check on someone here. Of course, he's still self-loathing and miserable and ashamed, thinking that he's going to Hell for his sins. And of course one of them is looking at gay inappropriate contentography, so if he came here he'd probably get half the people telling him it's ok to go find a boyfriend (which is practically impossible for him due to his social awkwardness and vertigo issues), or enjoy his inappropriate content (which will just make him feel guilty because he has very little understanding of Christianity and just feels guilt from legalism all the time).

I hate seeing him suffer internally. I'm better from my struggles, mostly, why can't he start feeling better? Why can't he stop feeling like he's "damned to Hell", and that homosexuality (which he hasn't even technically engaged in) isn't going to make him go to Hell instantly, and that he is already saved and forgiven?!?! It's like every bit of advice, from "Yep, you should hate yourself" to, "No, go and touch to as much gay stuff as you want to and invite some other guys over to your apartment for an orgy!" Or anything in between (which is what most people tell him), just seems to go one ear and out the other. Like he forgets it and goes back to being miserable.

I know that I'm not responsible for him and freedom and autonomy and all that, but why can't he get better? Am I a bad person for wanting to intervene in his life, even though I can't, so that he can stop feeling ashamed and walk a godly path? :sigh:

my point is, please pray for this guy.
:hug::crosseo:
 
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chaoticfirefly

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I should technically be working on a paper, but I came by to check on someone here. Of course, he's still self-loathing and miserable and ashamed, thinking that he's going to Hell for his sins. And of course one of them is looking at gay inappropriate contentography, so if he came here he'd probably get half the people telling him it's ok to go find a boyfriend (which is practically impossible for him due to his social awkwardness and vertigo issues), or enjoy his inappropriate content (which will just make him feel guilty because he has very little understanding of Christianity and just feels guilt from legalism all the time).

I hate seeing him suffer internally. I'm better from my struggles, mostly, why can't he start feeling better? Why can't he stop feeling like he's "damned to Hell", and that homosexuality (which he hasn't even technically engaged in) isn't going to make him go to Hell instantly, and that he is already saved and forgiven?!?! It's like every bit of advice, from "Yep, you should hate yourself" to, "No, go and touch to as much gay stuff as you want to and invite some other guys over to your apartment for an orgy!" Or anything in between (which is what most people tell him), just seems to go one ear and out the other. Like he forgets it and goes back to being miserable.

I know that I'm not responsible for him and freedom and autonomy and all that, but why can't he get better? Am I a bad person for wanting to intervene in his life, even though I can't, so that he can stop feeling ashamed and walk a godly path? :sigh:

my point is, please pray for this guy.

Gay girl here who grew up in a toxic church that taught instant damnation to people like me: when you're told constantly to hate yourself and shamed for something you cannot help, and by the same people who believe in the same things you do, you start to believe it after awhile.

If he doesn't want to look at inappropriate content, tell him to have a friend put up password protected blocks. I'm sure Chrome has good extentions for that.

Tell him he's fine the way he is, that god loves him as he has made him. Remind him every day and please, if he ends up getting a boyfriend, please don't ostracize him. Don't shun him or cast him out. Love him, support him. I know I shouldn't advise that, but speaking from experience, it hurts and can be a playing factor in losing belief
 
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grandvizier1006

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Thanks, ya'll. I'd never hate or ostracize this guy for anything he did, but I just wish he'd stop hating himself. I think he is getting better, though, and understanding things a bit more. I was just frustrated with the fact that it's slow going for him.
 
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lyndseyb

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I acted like an idiot last night and now my fear of the unforgivable sin is back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I was doing better but then I go and put myself back at square one again.
I can blame my OCD for it but it's not always OCD to blame. Sometims it's me and the fact that I'm just horrible. :cry:

I started my first day at work today and it went well so I should be happy but it's hard to feel happy in amongst the fear and the hopelessness.
I wish I could put this fear behind me but it keeps coming back and it's my own fault.
 
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RuthD

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I acted like an idiot last night and now my fear of the unforgivable sin is back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I was doing better but then I go and put myself back at square one again.
I can blame my OCD for it but it's not always OCD to blame. Sometims it's me and the fact that I'm just horrible. :cry:

I started my first day at work today and it went well so I should be happy but it's hard to feel happy in amongst the fear and the hopelessness.
I wish I could put this fear behind me but it keeps coming back and it's my own fault.
:hug:
 
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grandvizier1006

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My back acne is clearing up! :clap: it showed up about a year or so, and it's spread to my chest a bit. Turns out that cream is starting to work. It still looks like my back has tons of red spots, but they are starting to fade away. I knew it wasn't a staff infection!
 
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RuthD

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:hug::hug:
My back acne is clearing up! :clap: it showed up about a year or so, and it's spread to my chest a bit. Turns out that cream is starting to work. It still looks like my back has tons of red spots, but they are starting to fade away. I knew it wasn't a staff infection!
 
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Yusuphhai

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I am listening to an English song "Send Me",which is sung in an interational church several times in Beijing. " Send me, I will go, send me, I will go, to this city, to this nation, and to the Nations of the world------"

I had thought i could try to realize my ideal. But soon I found I could not go so far, as I am a patient of Bipolar. So i come back here again. I need a rehabilitation room all my life.

Glad here you all are with me however I feel. Wish you all a blessed day!
 
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RuthD

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I am listening to an English song "Send Me",which is sung in an interational church several times in Beijing. " Send me, I will go, send me, I will go, to this city, to this nation, and to the Nations of the world------"

I had thought i could try to realize my ideal. But soon I found I could not go so far, as I am a patient of Bipolar. So i come back here again. I need a rehabilitation room all my life.

Glad here you all are with me however I feel. Wish you all a blessed day!
:wave::hug:
 
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Jeshu

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I am listening to an English song "Send Me",which is sung in an interational church several times in Beijing. " Send me, I will go, send me, I will go, to this city, to this nation, and to the Nations of the world------"

I had thought i could try to realize my ideal. But soon I found I could not go so far, as I am a patient of Bipolar. So i come back here again. I need a rehabilitation room all my life.

Glad here you all are with me however I feel. Wish you all a blessed day!

Send me is an original by Bill Drake we've got three cd's from him and really enjoy him. A pity you can't listen to him on youtube but others can.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLW4PaO9YDo
 
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