Being a woman's "first"

[Messy]

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[Dave-W]

The idea of having a wife who directs lust for other men toward me isn't appealing, but the idea of having a wife who has been saving herself for her husband who wants to unleash the floodgates sounds fine to me.

How about a wife who "saves herself" by shutting down her sexual desires and interest; perhaps by making herself angry or physically ill any time the thought or feelings hit?

FYI - those defense mechanisms do not vanish when the "I DOs" are said. They can go on for decades inside the marriage as well.

 

[Hetta]

Anyone who thinks that their spouse didn't have desire for others prior to meeting them is naïve, to say the least. After all, where did those "years of desire" originate unless they knew their future spouse for all of those years, and that's very unlikely.

 

[annafullofgrace]

And yet Jesus himself tells us that our sins are as far as the east is from the west, that we are forgiven, that his blood paid the price.

So, no, shame should not be a part of life for Christians.

I agree. Justification means just as if it never happened. We should never be ashamed as Christians. Christ fought our battle and we are made right because of Him.

Leo, you are not weird and you can learn plenty about relationships without having been in one. I encourage dating with a purpose-getting to know someone before giving your heart (and body) away. If I could turn the clocks back and follow my own advice, I would have avoided a lot of heartache. My husband and I started out as friends, we worked together and one day I asked him to lunch. (He actually kept walking back and forth outside my cubicle trying to get the nerve to ask me-I sensed what he was attempting to do and saved him the trouble.) after than we just got to know each other. Things began to build and there was certainly a strong physical attraction, but more than that we enjoyed each other's company, immensely. It was the first relationship that a man didn't put off the vibe of I want you physically and could care less about what you are saying. We became best friends and that lead to a physical relationship, but by that time we were so comfortable with each other, there was no awkwardness.

I'm reading a book now called, For Women Only. I highly recommend. There is also a companion one for men. When my husband is finished with that one, we are going to swap.

 

[pressingon17]

I'm interested to know how this might affect a relationship going into marriage, if at all. If you're a woman's first in pretty much everything (first kiss, first relationship, first sexual partner, etc.) would that affect how you see her as a person? What if her lack of experience leads to some difficulties navigating the relationship or maybe there's even some apprehension on her part?

These are some concerns of mine and I do want to be the best I can be for whoever God has for me and I don't want my total lack of experience to possibly damage any chance of a relationship, especially being as old as I am.

I was my wife's first everything. Her "lack of experience" has never been a problem and our marriage and love life has been amazing and perfect.

 

[DZoolander]

Well, you're also a little young, and as such are not really part of the group we're discussing. We're talking more about people (not just women, as well) who are a little "longer in the tooth".

 

[pressingon17]

The OP is my wife's and mine age I don't see how I'm not in the "age" group.

 

[pressingon17]

My wife had many concerns when we got married and she felt like the OP does. While I regretfully had given everything away to several other people. My wife was hesitant with every aspect of marriage and it took time for her to get used being married life. I was trying to encourage the OP that lack of experience is not a bad thing.

 

[DZoolander]

When I see 23, I think "Barely over 20" - which to me seems like "Just a kid"

When I see 26, I think "Almost 30" - which I'm far more likely to think of as being an adult.

Could be I'm wrong - lol - but that's how I see it.

 

[pressingon17]

That's understandable. I am still considered a young one I know.

 

[leothelioness]

Well, you're also a little young, and as such are not really part of the group we're discussing. We're talking more about people (not just women, as well) who are a little "longer in the tooth".

Lol, so I guess I'm officially over the hill now. I had no idea my prime had ended.

 

[DZoolander]

lol no - but you're approaching more of a "seasoned" age.

 

[steflou64]

I am a 51 year old never married VIRGIN-have dated/kissed guys but not sex and I am not weird/a loser by ANY means! I am attractive, good morals, 31 years with same company-make $53k yearly. I just refuse to give myself to someone other than my future husband firstly because it is a sin and also women must consider pregnancy, etc!:o

 

[Messy]

I am a 51 year old never married VIRGIN-have dated/kissed guys but not sex and I am not weird/a loser by ANY means! I am attractive, good morals, 31 years with same company-make $53k yearly. I just refuse to give myself to someone other than my future husband firstly because it is a sin and also women must consider pregnancy, etc!:o

Good for you. Just accidentily saw this:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7865994/#post67035119

 

[Hetta]

I am a 51 year old never married VIRGIN-have dated/kissed guys but not sex and I am not weird/a loser by ANY means! I am attractive, good morals, 31 years with same company-make $53k yearly. I just refuse to give myself to someone other than my future husband firstly because it is a sin and also women must consider pregnancy, etc!:o

No offense, but at 51, you probably don't have to consider pregnancy.

 

[steflou64]

I haven't been through menopause yet but don't want my own kids (and really prefer theirs be grown if any offspring at all). I want to get sterilized.

 

[DZoolander]

Well, if I were in your boat given your likely close proximity to menopause (and if I were sexually active) - I'd probably consider something like norplant over surgical sterilization. Wouldn't even need to keep it in the whole time.

 

[steflou64]

Thanks, EZoolander! I am just praying the Lord sends me someone! I am going to do my part-going to a larger church, I am joining christian mingle and christian cafe (my cousin met her 2nd hubby on that and they are still married). I also am going to try to start doing some activities during the week.