No disagreement whatsoever. There HAS been cronyism in all the churches I've been in. Usually $$$$ and sucking up will get you far. When I first came to our church, I didn't really know anyone. Since I live in Visalia, people told me that this reader, John, and his family also live in Visalia. And since the guy also worked in my school district (as a principal), I thought, "hot dang!" and people suggested they be our sponsors. So, when I asked, they were quick to accept and very friendly. It was funny because we found out that they liked Star Trek, WE are Trekkie nerds! They liked all the same movies as us, same music, and we just had tons in common. It was exciting. I really felt like we had met kindred spirits. John was in tight with Father, so I thought that is kind of cool.
Well, once we got chrismated and they were our godparents, things changed. They got very, very pushy. If we indicated we couldn't make it to certain events or liturgies or vespers, they'd harp harp harp harp nag nag nag and put us in these high-pressure situations for not planning on going. The difference between them and us is that the wife is a CEO of a huge afterschool program in central CA and makes AWESOME money, and he's a principal pulling in around $92,000 a year. They're loaded! So they can afford to drive up to Fresno 1,000 times a week if they want. Kate wasn't working when we became Orthodox, and we were in debt $47,000!!!! We were on a tight budget, and frankly I thought re-locating to a church 55 miles from home was a touch insane, but I liked Orthodoxy and my wife was enamored.
As time went by, their nagging got worse. I felt like I was at a used car lot.
Then John just announced out of NOWHERE that he was going to be the new deacon. He literally told us the day before the liturgy where he was installed as deacon. It was crazy! Nobody in the entire parish new. It was like some super closely-guarded secret.
After he became deacon and wasn't a yeller, uh, I mean, reader anymore, he told Father "I want Scott (Joseph) to be a reader." He told Father I'd be good for it. I had only been Orthodox a couple of months, and I thought I barely knew the ropes. There were many men there who had been there longer than I. I felt I was too new and rookied up to be a reader. Also, I felt I just wanted to participate as a worshipper, not a reader at that time. And then John kept pressuring me, Father did, too, so I said "OK." After that, I stressed about it, felt worried, and my spirit wasn't at peace about it. I felt God wasn't telling me that I should be a reader. So, after they put my name in the bulletin, I told Father I think I better bow out. I told him that I'd like the opportunity down the road, but that I wasn't ready.
And at that same time, Deacon John and I had that MEGA BLOW-OUT in front of Father in which they ganged up on me regarding my kids being at a Lutheran school. John said, "Scott, you'll finally be able to pull your kids out of that heretic academy and quit filling their minds with heresies and lies and put them at my school where they can get a real education." I argued back and was quite upset, Father backed him (predictably), and it escalated. I told him by the time this fray was over "you have NO RIGHT to tell me how to educate or parent my kids. I don't appreciate it."
After that, I left the church for about two and a half months. It was actually really nice.
Then we felt guilty, Father kept emailing me trying to get me back, so we went back. We apologized for our part, Deacon and his wife only apologized for "hurting us," not for what they said, but whatever....
But after that, things were NEVER the same. All of the people who had liked Kate and I A LOT and who had seemed keen to talk to us backed away and sat at other tables. Only a few folks would eat with us. Deacon's wife was never the same. To this day, when I go to DL, she utterly ignores me. The next week, when Kate is there, she comes and kisses me on each cheek and acts like she loves us, then ignores us at coffee hour. After a year and a half, I told Father that I noticed he had no readers and was looking for one, that I'd be more than glad to do it now. He seemed real hip to it. Then never did anything. Then I asked a second time months later. He said "definitely! I'll call you and we'll get it going!" nothing. Then six months later we talked about it again, nothing. Finally the fifth or sixth time we talked about it, he took me back by the altar behind the iconostasis and taught me the reading process for about 45 minutes. He said he'd email me about it, set me into the schedule, and we'd rock n' roll.
His proceeding actions were to get his teenage son, who mumbles and can't read worth beans to do it. He seems to HATE reading, raises this grin like it's embarrassing the whole time he does it. And it's in this low monotone that someone makes when they are reluctant to do something. He hates doing it. Then Father had another parishioner of ours read who has the mousiest, tiny, slight, puny voice you've ever heard. They had him do it a couple times. Then Father grabbed the choir bass guy to do it. Then he had a visitor do it.
Ughhh----HELLO!? Here I am? I've offered? You've told me I have an awesome voice for this? I lead the post-communion prayers each week when I'm there. People respect my voice for this and I'm eager to try? No? No? Ok, gotcha....
Weird.
I guess he's sending me the message of "hey, buddy, you HAD your chance!"
Basically when John and Father thought I was playing ball and cool in their clique, I was IN. When John and I fought and they found I had my own brain...OUT.
So it sucks.
I'm not interested in being a reader now. But the strange experience lingers. I think Father is annoyed by me.
So it's just not a happy place for me. Add in the ethnic stuff that is starting to SERIOUSLY annoy me, and the distance and energy drain, and I'm fried. And I guess I get as sick to death of the exclusivity arguments and apologetics and born-again Orthodox stuff as I did in the Catholic Church!
Cronyism and other similar isms
go on at every church(and every organization). My Dad took over twenty years to become a deacon at the church he attends. My mom(after having done everything in every possible position(that a woman was allowed to do) at the church was barley even seen as a member by most people there. Why...because she was not in the inner circle of home school moms but was a... gasp.......public school teacher!(she recently said "I'm done" after hard work got her nowhere but inner circle people could do anything wrong and never be jeopardized in their positions.
It is just people...people suck.