Spiritually DRAGGING

[~Anastasia~]

3 years

OK, thanks.

I'm not one to have a lot of wisdom or tell you what to do. It does sound like you are more burned out on peripherals. My prayers are with you - I hope you find a way to recharge and connect with what's really important, and a clear path forward as well.

I am thinking back of the issues you had not long ago with your work, and how your wife is having to take problematic shifts and work so hard. It just seems like you are vulnerable in your life right now anyway - work, marriage, kids, life, stress ...

Anyway - my prayers are with you. I look forward to hearing good things from you when you are in a better place, but in the meantime, I think you are safe to share here.

One thing that does come to mind - you seem a bit at odds with your priest. I don't know what I could do if I were in that situation. Our priest has been completely wonderful and a huge help to me. (I heard horror stories about the previous priest and I'm SO GLAD I didn't try to check out Orthodoxy while he was there!) If the priest is something of a stumbling block, when he SHOULD BE the one helping you through this ... well, I hope you can find someone else just to talk to who might be able to help you through this. It's such an important role, and it sounds to me like you're getting a short end of the stick. At a bad time for you.

Lord have mercy - I pray He will help you find what it is you need.

God bless you, dear brother.

 

[E.C.]

3 years

Ah yes, the three year itch... This is normal.


While I was in Monterey, California I experienced a bit of a dry spell. There was a ROCOR parish in Seaside, a mere 20 minutes away, but I had been under spiritual father orders not go go to that parish, but to go to a parish in Saratoga which was about an hour and ten minute drive (fifty minutes on a good day ). I would wake up at 4am, walk down the hill to catch the 5:10 bus, get into San Jose at about 7am and catch a ride to Saratoga.
This went on for about six months until I hit a point where I did not go again for four months. I can't quite explain why this had happened other than that since I had been Orthodox I had the zeal of a Crusader and this was my "leveling off" period. When I finally made it back to church after those four months it was quite fulfilling because it wasn't so much that I wanted to go to an Orthodox church. It was that I needed to be in an Orthodox church because any other Christian place was just sub-par.
I continued going up to Saratoga for a while until I had my own vehicle and spent the next seven months splitting my Liturgies between there and a Palestinian parish in Milipitas - an added thirty minutes - until I got transferred out of California.

See, we converts have this odd habit of completely diving into Orthodoxy and swimming in it for a time, but then we forget that we need to come up for air once in a while or we risk drowning. Sometimes we tend to believe that we're going to miss life before Orthodoxy, especially with ethnic factors and distance considered. Part of what eventually got me back to church was that four months without it made me an extremely unpleasantly depressed person to be around. Friends of mine even voiced concern and when you realize that it has been four months since you last heard the words of the Liturgy you make it a point of going to Liturgy that next week!

This too shall pass.

 

[RKO]

As has been said, you are no doubt focusing on the positives in order to lift yourself from this feeling.
It occurs to me that your friends here have demonstrated a lot of what is good and worthwhile of being part of the Church. They rally to you, offering kind words, advice and enthusiasm. Other than the obvious benefits of being part of the church, it seems to me that these folks here are a benefit of being part of this ancient community. So when we get tired, our brothers and sisters lift us up and carry us for a while.
Hang in there and be of good cheer. You are in God's fellowship, my friend.

 

[ArmyMatt]

3 years

I had a three year slump myself as well, where Church felt like a chore and I did not want to go. be patient man, our call is to be faithful. the fire will come back.

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Thank you to EVERYONE in this thread for being positive with me in a very negative time. I'm pretty fried, and kind of expected to get a ton of tough love, but instead got a lot of encouragement. I'll make it. I'm just in a funk. Prayers ESPECIALLY mean a lot! Thank you all!

 

[~Anastasia~]

Thank you to EVERYONE in this thread for being positive with me in a very negative time. I'm pretty fried, and kind of expected to get a ton of tough love, but instead got a lot of encouragement. I'll make it. I'm just in a funk. Prayers ESPECIALLY mean a lot! Thank you all!

We're here for you!


And Lord have mercy! Continued prayers!

 

[ArmyMatt]

Thank you to EVERYONE in this thread for being positive with me in a very negative time. I'm pretty fried, and kind of expected to get a ton of tough love, but instead got a lot of encouragement. I'll make it. I'm just in a funk. Prayers ESPECIALLY mean a lot! Thank you all!

last year this time, the fed was keeping me from my wife, keeping me from my calling, etc. twas spiritually dragging to say the least, and the folks here lifted me in prayer, and those prayers were answered.

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

Thank you to EVERYONE in this thread for being positive with me in a very negative time. I'm pretty fried, and kind of expected to get a ton of tough love, but instead got a lot of encouragement.

Well, then allow me to spoil the fun: you need to suck it up, Bro.

Just kidding.

But seriously, I would say that you need to take charge of your spiritual life. Don't look to change your parish to fit your needs and then complain when it doesn't. Capitalise on the good it has to offer and disregard the rest. Maximise your spiritual well-being subject to what your church currently offers.

What do I mean? Well, if you cannot bear driving so far every week, then don't. Explain to you priest that you will do a reader service at home every other week. Invite others in your area.

Also, if your Sunday goes too long because of coffee hour, skip it! Kiss the cross, skip out and you will be back home by 12:30-1:00.

Meanwhile, if you are not thinking as much about God as you did in you Anglican days, change that! Pray Orthodox prayers morning and evening. Listen to Ancient Faith Radio podcasts in your car.

My point: make it happen!

I think we Orthodox Christians would all do well to pray more and complain less.

There's my tough love coming at you.

 

[xenia]

There was a ROCOR parish in Seaside, a mere 20 minutes away

LOL- That's MY parish!

 

[E.C.]

LOL- That's MY parish!

Oh WOW!


Please excuse me while I begin to feast upon this lovely crow I found...

 

[~Anastasia~]

:o
Dontcha hate when that happens?

 

[xenia]

Oh, no, I didn't mean you to take it that way! I thought it was funny!

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I'm not looking for my parish to change to fit my needs. I haven't indicated that at all. If I wanted to make things fit my needs, I'd have told my deacon to stop shouting at the top of his lungs annoying a bunch of us, I'd have scolded my priest regarding that reader situation, I'd have griped to my priest about his long-winded sermons and unnecessarily LONG post-liturgy chatter about the bulletin when we already have a paper and electronic copy, and I would've told a few people a piece of my mind.

I don't think "suck it up" is too helpful at this point, Jesus4.

Well, then allow me to spoil the fun: you need to suck it up, Bro.

Just kidding.

But seriously, I would say that you need to take charge of your spiritual life. Don't look to change your parish to fit your needs and then complain when it doesn't. Capitalise on the good it has to offer and disregard the rest. Maximise your spiritual well-being subject to what your church currently offers.

What do I mean? Well, if you cannot bear driving so far every week, then don't. Explain to you priest that you will do a reader service at home every other week. Invite others in your area.

Also, if your Sunday goes too long because of coffee hour, skip it! Kiss the cross, skip out and you will be back home by 12:30-1:00.

Meanwhile, if you are not thinking as much about God as you did in you Anglican days, change that! Pray Orthodox prayers morning and evening. Listen to Ancient Faith Radio podcasts in your car.

My point: make it happen!

I think we Orthodox Christians would all do well to pray more and complain less.

There's my tough love coming at you.

 

[Jesus4Madrid]

I don't think "suck it up" is too helpful at this point, Jesus4.

Why did you choose to ignore where I said "just kidding"? Are you in such a bad place?

I'm not looking for my parish to change to fit my needs. I haven't indicated that at all. If I wanted to make things fit my needs, I'd have told my deacon to stop shouting at the top of his lungs annoying a bunch of us, I'd have scolded my priest regarding that reader situation, I'd have griped to my priest about his long-winded sermons and unnecessarily LONG post-liturgy chatter about the bulletin when we already have a paper and electronic copy, and I would've told a few people a piece of my mind.

So you have not done these things, but you have expressed your profound frustration about your parish here. Complaining can be cathartic and many here have generously offered to pray. So that is valuable.

Are you longing for solutions or sympathy? My point about maximising your spiritual well being, which you can obviously ignore if you want, is that rather than just being frustrated or griping to the priest, cantor, or whomever else, you might look for some other solutions that actually help you avoid frustration, given current restraints about location, sermons and singing.

Just trying to help.

 

[E.C.]

Oh, no, I didn't mean you to take it that way! I thought it was funny!

Funny yes, but still a bit embarrassed

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

I'm not "longing for sympathy," bro. Come on. Geez. You say you're joking and that you don't really mean "suck it up," but the rest of the post really says you do mean it. That's just how I felt in reading it, brother. You're telling me here I can either do something about it, or gripe. Well, I live an hour from two churches. Both are lousy choices. I've laid out why. It's not like I have a salad bar of choices and combinations and great options that I'm ignoring so I can gripe. Trust me, GRIPING is the last thing I want to do in here! Spiritually, yeah, I'm in a not-so-hot place right now, and I don't think there are a lot of solutions. If I thought there were, I'd jump on 'em.

I know you're just trying to help. I'm not angry, just frustrated right now.

Why did you choose to ignore where I said "just kidding"? Are you in such a bad place?



So you have not done these things, but you have expressed your profound frustration about your parish here. Complaining can be cathartic and many here have generously offered to pray. So that is valuable.

Are you longing for solutions or sympathy? My point about maximising your spiritual well being, which you can obviously ignore if you want, is that rather than just being frustrated or griping to the priest, cantor, or whomever else, you might look for some other solutions that actually help you avoid frustration, given current restraints about location, sermons and singing.

Just trying to help.

 

[xenia]

I suggest that you pick one Sunday out of the month and commit to going to church that week, no matter what. The other weeks of the month have prayers at home in front of your icons (length to be determined by attention span of kids) and then have a fun family day for the rest of the day. If coffee hour at church is a trial, skip it and take the fam out for pancakes. Fresno has a nice zoo, go there afterwards. I think if you have a simple family plan that you commit to, that will be a big help.

I would sit down with the kids and your wife and say something like "Kids, we love God and we love the Church but ours is just too far away for us to realistically attend weekly. So how bout we go once a month and have some prayers here at the house the other Sundays?" This will show your kids that God and church are important and that you are committed to attending. The worse thing you could do (IMO) is to gradually drift away in a cloud of grumbling.

I would not dwell on the poor chanting, etc. in front of the kids.

This is what I would do, I think, if I were in your position.

 

[xenia]

E.C., you were probably at DLI, right? (You mentioned "the hill.")

What language did you take?

 

[gurneyhalleck1]

Hi Xenia,

My kids already know that Deacon John's chanting is absolutely AWFUL. In fact, it's not chanting at all. Imagine the very LOUDEST a man could possibly yell, as if there is a fire in a building and lives will be lost if you don't get 200 people out of a room in 30 seconds. Imagine the loudest yell in the New York Stock Exchange, rip-roaring full-on blasting yelling....that is what our deacon does the entire time. Trust me, this isn't hyperbole or me being dramatic, the yelling is so loud that it actually makes me nervous. And it is EXTREMELY monotone, this nauseating, irritating, air raid sirenesque nightmarish yelling. It's just awful. I see people around me wince when he is "chanting," and the folks around me hate it. I've talked to some parishioners and they agree. My own kids look like "what the HECK!!?" when he finishes the Gospel reading. They know it's bizarre and not kosher, and they're little kids. They all make this face every time he does it. My wife, the most even-keel, go-with-the-flow, easy-going chick you've ever met, when we leave the church, in the car she says, "Good God that Deacon John's blistering yelling is getting even worse! That was just horrible! Ugggh!" When MY wife says stuff like that, trust me, you're over the top!

I have complained around my kids, so I confess I'm guilty there, but they knew it already. It's just plain absurd.

Our priest isn't very good at chanting. The man can't hold a note for his life, but it's passable and respectable. The deacon is showing off. He likes to be heard. He's a principal in my school district, and he likes not only the power ( I know him well), but he blurts and is just loud in general. He wants to outdo everyone else. It's downright annoying to me, and super distracting.


Anyway, I think I'll bow out now. My concerns are starting to weight on people, and I don't wish to offend. I'm a bit of a lost soul right now. I sometimes fantasize being out of this entire thing. I'm fried. And I hate to say it, but at this point, with the exception of the icons and the smell of incense, I'd be pretty happy to be done completely. Maybe my coming in here wasn't a good idea. I appreciate everyone's input. God bless you all. Pray for me.

I suggest that you pick one Sunday out of the month and commit to going to church that week, no matter what. The other weeks of the month have prayers at home in front of your icons (length to be determined by attention span of kids) and then have a fun family day for the rest of the day. If coffee hour at church is a trial, skip it and take the fam out for pancakes. Fresno has a nice zoo, go there afterwards. I think if you have a simple family plan that you commit to, that will be a big help.

I would sit down with the kids and your wife and say something like "Kids, we love God and we love the Church but ours is just too far away for us to realistically attend weekly. So how bout we go once a month and have some prayers here at the house the other Sundays?" This will show your kids that God and church are important and that you are committed to attending. The worse thing you could do (IMO) is to gradually drift away in a cloud of grumbling.

I would not dwell on the poor chanting, etc. in front of the kids.

This is what I would do, I think, if I were in your position.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

I feel like I know exactly where you're coming from Gurney. For 2 years I researched Catholicism and Orthodoxy. All the traditions, all the saints, all the rules, all the theology... God it just wore me out. I felt like I wasn't focusing on God but on Church. Went back home to what I know, the LCMS.. I was so spiritually dry. Maybe one day I will give the one true church stuff another go, but not anytime soon. It was bad for me and my faith. Praying for you.