Is this a spiritual or a mental problem?

[dms1972]

Hello,

I decided to post here as I am not sure what section or if this comes under a mental health issue. And to be be honest I have never been sure what the problem quite is myself - and have overthought it a lot. Just a feeling throught my most of my life that something was right. That I didn't truly believe.

I did have a check done about a year ago and was told it wasn't Schizophrenia and wasn't Bipolar, and that I might be on the ASD spectrum, but the Dr said it was probable I was simply a "nervous person"

I think my problem may be a more spiritual, in that I failed to take the plunge at the right time. (I have tried and prayed many times since and studied the bible) even one time I believe I heard a voice I assumed to be the Lord's say "I have saved you". But again I struggled with what I had to do next.

Going back younger to when I was perhaps four or five (not sure): I had a moment of revelation of / seeing the cross that I seem to have had around that age of of four or five then I might be able to do it. But in the years since then I believe I have had a couple of 'seeings' of the cross. This is hard to explain and some people who know me question this ever took place. But I believe I had a kind of vision at a young age of Christ dying then following this feeling not sure what to do next - feeling like I had to take a leap into the unknown - or like a complete abandoning of all self-reliance - but I held back from this.

Through teens and twenties done an incredible amount of thinking, and got into deep philosophical difficulties, about reality, identity etc. I believe I had breaks with reality a couple of times.

I have episodes from that time that I sometimes recount that others don't think actually happened.

Around twenty years ago I started to seek help through psychotherapy. This wasn't christian - just a therapy group - eventually after a few months decided not to keep going with it.

Spoke to a christian psychotherapist but distance prevented me travelling to see him, and he refered me to someone closer who I went to for a few months - he pressed for the surrender of my will to the Lord. But I felt just saying it isn't really surrendering.

Is this all just rooted in unbelief, rebellion pride, hypocrisy?

Thats what I think quite often. So maybe this isn't the right forum.

But if it those things then is there a way back from that?

I feel ok at the moment, but do still wonder if I am really properly back in touch with reality.

Do we just get one opportunity in life to place our trust in God?

 

[MadamImAdaminChrist]

--You questions make me think you are in touch with reality, maybe more than most even.
--I am sure you can come back from pride and rebellion as along as you want to come back. I am sure that you will have other chances. As long as you want them.
--Here is a good article/source for surrender and what is looks like coming from someone who suffered greatly from mental illness. Freedom from Fear: Learning to Surrender - Season of Peace
--I have problems with trust (and maybe pride/rebellion), so I am not surrendered. Maybe I just do not like the discomfort. Shoot. So I am hoping that . . . what if God's will is to become more and more willing to surrender more and more parts of your life to God, if you feel like you cannot do the whole thing at once?

 

[dms1972]

Thanks for your reply and the link - I have had a look at the site and i'm going to read further what it says. I don't quite know what I want, and still feel a rather apathetic about everything. A bit out of touch and detached emotionally. I took a turn years ago towards Nihilism and Post-modernism (I wasn't studying the books but I believe my thinking wasn't that disimiliar to Neitzsche and Sarte)

I believe I reached that point because I passed up the opportunity to surrender my life to God when I was still thinking fairly clearly, and lost control of my thinking.

Somehow or other after a hellish time when i was just mentally, in terms of my ideations, concepts - tumbling into an abyss (with events that relatives don't believe took place) I got to praying or at least kneeling, in the hopes that God could give me back my "I" so to speak. I'd totally lost the plot altogether, felt like I was out in a void at times. Some people can talk and discuss these far out 'philosophical' notions and yet remain with their feet planted on the ground, I couldn't for whatever reason. Neitzsche was the same (not enough ballast, to keep him near the ground) At other times I was solipistic. I guess I just seen my only hope as mentally positing God and believing He could give back what I had 'philosophised' away.

The article has raised a few questions for me about free-will.

As I thought about what it means to let Jesus take the wheel I think it means letting him take sovereignty over my life. But that doesn't cancel out free-will or does it?

I have prayed many times "Lord Jesus, I turn my life over to you"

I have read a bit on this: one book was Peire Caussades - sacrament of the present moment. He described abandonment to the divine providence but as I read he seemed to be saying that we are guided by promptings and that if we miss one we end up on the wrong course, or meet problems later - each act of obedience builds on the one before.

I also have Decision making and the Will of God, and The Call by Os Guinness



I see my only hope as re-tooling, but that has to be openness to reality, accepting again what I rejected.

The secular group therapist said once "you need to come down." and a few other times "you need to come out from God, from mother". I never really entered into this therapy process because I always wanted more info on the type of psychology behind it and yet thats difficult to ask in a therapy group. The most I got was "there are other christians in the group" and "God wants us to move mountains but he give us the tools"

I tend to just posit (if that is the right word) objective reality and God. Ie. I say to myself "ok your in this solipistic mindset - let's just say God is objectively there outside of it and ask him for help"

I don't see what else I can do - that's were consistent "postmodernism" took me. Pretty much no one I knew understood what I meant by postmodernism at the time. The christian I went to see said "you're getting into all these greek notions." Well I suppose they have their origin there. I realise there are variations in postmodern philosophy but with me it involved denial of pretty much everything - knowledge and reality included!. There may be other factors why I couldn't stop my thinking.

So either I have found an temporary way of coping, or I did get out of it.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

I am wondering why you want to read all these other books and 'find' yourself and your relationship w/ God, but you don't read the Word of God?

As you learn about God through His Word you'll learn the promises of God. Believing that God can only be truth, you can count on Him and His promises and know who you are in His love.

This is really coming in to the rest of God. Knowing who you are in Christ.

Read Romans Chapters 4-7

 

[Gottservant]

I really feel like this is something only deep meditation will resolve

Christ was the most nervous anyone had ever been, but He developed a steel character

People with steel character aren't easily swayed by the end of things.

 

[dms1972]

Ok I am not sure about things here, this may be getting complicated. Perhaps my fault.

The nerves of steel thing makes leads me to wonder if that notion is true? Jesus wasn't a stoic, or superman. Was Jesus nervous? - he didn't have a nerve disorder, that would be speculation. But he had entered into hostile territory. But I don't want to get into too much speculation here.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

What do you think would be beneficial for you to do to get yourself back on track? What can you do to get back into relationship with Jesus Christ? Are you saved/born again?

We are saved by grace and faith in the Son of God dying for ALL sin. If you have faith in Jesus Christ, pray and ask Him for help. Ask Him to help guide you out of this situation.

If you ask Him, He will send His Holy Spirit to you.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

When I studied computer graphics at university, I wanted to honor my father by creating a 3D model of a a car he made himself when he was younger. I failed miserably, I just could not get it right. I eventually gave up and did something else. But do you think my father would have been happy with my efforts. Of course he would have.

You are similar to the above illustration, you are trying to please your father, but you keep failing. You might even feel like giving up. You might even have given up. But will your father be pleased or upset with you. I say pleased.

Mat 7:11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

God is calling you to a deeper intimacy with Him.

 

[Gottservant]

Ok I am not sure about things here, this may be getting complicated. Perhaps my fault.

The nerves of steel thing makes leads me to wonder if that notion is true? Jesus wasn't a stoic, or superman. Was Jesus nervous? - he didn't have a nerve disorder, that would be speculation. But he had entered into hostile territory. But I don't want to get into too much speculation here.

If it's you versus the world, you are nervous

The best way to hide being nervous, is with a disorder you can manage

Jesus had a nervous disorder, that He was able to manage.

Ever wonder why He didn't look back to the past? He was nervous.

 

[Gottservant]

Being nervous isn't wrong, if you can keep from reacting to something stronger (selah)

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Yahshua never had any kind of disorder, nervous or otherwise.
Yahshua was always Perfect, as hard as that is to understand.

Perhaps you meant something else that you refer to as 'nervous disorder' ?

Also, neither Yahshua nor Scripture tells believers to develope or otherwise have "nerves of steel". That is foreign to Scripture as far as I understand all of the Old and New Testaments.
Again, perhaps you mean something else that you call "nerves of steel" ?

 

[dms1972]

This is all speculation i've done it too, we shouldn't read our own issues into Jesus, or project our own ways of coping onto him.

If the Bible doesn't say it then its speculation.

 

[Gottservant]

To project something onto Jesus, although false, is better than to not project at all (unless you can honestly say you know everything).

 

[dms1972]

I have struggles with this, not sure what I believe

One perhaps can say they don't know.

Or begin to acknowledge they don't know.

That we "know everything" is a crude form of a platonic notion.

Not knowing is not knowing everything.

Platonic philosophy and christian faith are not the same

Seems like a confusion along those lines

Haven't read this but was thinking of getting a copy:

God and the Knowledge of Reality: Amazon.co.uk: Thomas Molnar: Books

 

[dms1972]

Gottservant - your sig. makes me think you have a wrong understanding but maybe thats to do with me. In any case I don't think you can help me, or me you. All the best.