questions about romantic relationship/marriage and physical attraction..

[christsoccer]

Will a romantic relationship/marriage have difficulty if there is not mutual physical attraction between the partners?

Is it shallow for me to not be interested in a Christian of the opposite sex who has a lot of the qualities I'm looking forand is a strong believer but I am just not physically attracted to?

thanks for your help

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I think it would make things extremely difficult. I would not want to be with someone that I was not attracted to in some way.
Sometimes though those "romantic" feelings aren't there right away but come later after you have gotten to know them better.

I certainly would not marry someone that was not romantically attracted to me and it would not be fair if I did that to someone else. Mutual attraction is necessary in my book.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, there is this idea of the physical not being important, as in lot on this list of qualities) one looks for in a marriage. There is something that is very enjoyable to when I'm close to a woman and looking in her eyes for her face to be pretty to me.

Now if she is pretty and her personality is such that its a real pain to talk with her for some reason then that beauty don't help one bit in desiring to be close to her. I can enjoy being close to a woman who is plain but is fun to talk with and fun to be with romantically easier. So personality is more important in the long run.

I really want both looks and personality. Oh and I want her to be good in bed as well. grin

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Ya, there is this idea of the physical not being important, as in lot on this list of qualities) one looks for in a marriage. There is something that is very enjoyable to when I'm close to a woman and looking in her eyes for her face to be pretty to me.

Now if she is pretty and her personality is such that its a real pain to talk with her for some reason then that beauty don't help one bit in desiring to be close to her. I can enjoy being close to a woman who is plain but is fun to talk with and fun to be with romantically easier. So personality is more important in the long run.

I really want both looks and personality. Oh and I want her to be good in bed as well. grin

Well after that last sentence you asked for too much . J/K

I just read or heard somewhere in the last couple of days that looks are the most important thing for men (of course this wasn't talking about super spiritual christian men lol) But beauty is fleeting and sometimes women can be kind of plain looking but their personality just makes them so darn attractive and the same goes for men. But if a beautiful woman has a bad personality it's like poison and ruins everything attractive about them IMO same for guys

 

[dayhiker]

Michelle .. I coudln't resist the last comment as its been on my mind some lately. lol

I think looks is important for younger guys, I know I held looks a lot higher when I was young. Another aspect is that I see more ladies as pretty now than I did when I was young. Now just one of they 3 GFs is really nice looking. My last longer term GF was very nice looking and had a good personality as well, but she tended to be jealous, so that bugged me as I was faithful to her.

 

[blackribbon]

I think physical attraction is very important. This does not mean that skin deep beauty is important but that you are attracted to what is there. May I note, that it doesn't always hit initially...someone can grow on you. I thought my husband was goofy looking the day I met him. That didn't last long. But then there are people you adore as people but never could imagine touching in an intimate way.

I wouldn't want to marry someone who didn't look at me like I was the most special desirable person in the world. I wouldn't marry someone who I didn't feel the same way about. Again, this is just me.

 

[Life2Christ]

Is it shallow for me to not be interested in a Christian of the opposite sex who has a lot of the qualities I'm looking forand is a strong believer but I am just not physically attracted to?

Attraction is very important because the "holier than thou" Christian doesn't exist. You need attraction to fall back on when that unattractive person gets on your last nerve.

 

[iambren]

Yes

No

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

Yes

No

What he said.

 

[Purge187]

Physical attraction isn't everything, but it's something.

As Dayhiker said, it's best to get the total package.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Will a romantic relationship/marriage have difficulty if there is not mutual physical attraction between the partners?

Is it shallow for me to not be interested in a Christian of the opposite sex who has a lot of the qualities I'm looking forand is a strong believer but I am just not physically attracted to?

thanks for your help

Hi. In order.....

a. Yes , in almost every case there will be . If there is no physical attraction which usually means that One person doesnt like the way their Partner looks due to their perception of being fat, ugly, repulsive, etc... then sex in marriage is going to wane considerably or be non existant because there will be a strong level of disrespect present. Sex in marriage is designed by God to cement a marriage by bringing people closer to together physically, emotionally, and even with spiritual benefits since the ENTIRE Person is engaging in the act including the persons Soul. It is very wise to find a Partner that comes with some level of physical attraction to you...and preferably an above average amount.

b. You can be interested for a friendship, but i wouldnt work toward marriage unless certain criteria were met on your end...and that needs to include an attractiveness . Now...what occurs many times, is, over lots of time after you get to know the other person better....the physical becomes way less important / you are able to overlook that missing quality / or, you find some physical things about the person appealing to you.

c. In rare instances, there are people who simply dont care about the physical attractiveness of a Person . If this meets the way you are ,concretely, then there wont be a problem with that issue in marriage. Just so long as you understand that according to Gods Word you have an obligation to satisfy your marriage partner sexually and vice versa .

A top notch best seller book on criteria for a successful marriage and what to look for in a prospective dating partner ...is the great book called :'Finding the Love of your Life' by Dr. Warren available on www.amazon.com . It is so good that it should be a mandatory course in high schools and colleges so the divorce rate can be lessened and so marriages can be more successful.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

So you think this book should be read by teenagers? I'm being serious because I have two of them.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

So you think this book should be read by teenagers? I'm being serious because I have two of them.

Yes, i do Michelle. It is very easy to read for anyone 14 and older. I have the mindset of reaching young people with just how important it is to choose a very good marital Partner. Also, the info. in the book can be used toward selecting a good Dating Partner as well as others you want to become very good friends with. Out of all the books ive read on preparation for marriage and the common mistakes made on Mate Selection...'Finding the Love of Your Life' is tops.

Another good book for CHRISTIAN Teens, especially, is this one which ive read : Too Close Too Soon: Avoiding the Heartache of Premature Intimacy: Jim A. Talley, Bobbie Reed: 9780785264743: Amazon.com: Books . Get a good used copy for a paultry $.08 plus shipping.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Yes, i do Michelle. It is very easy to read for anyone 14 and older. I have the mindset of reaching young people with just how important it is to choose a very good marital Partner. Also, the info. in the book can be used toward selecting a good Dating Partner as well as others you want to become very good friends with. Out of all the books ive read on preparation for marriage and the common mistakes made on Mate Selection...'Finding the Love of Your Life' is tops.

Another good book for CHRISTIAN Teens, especially, is this one which ive read : Too Close Too Soon: Avoiding the Heartache of Premature Intimacy: Jim A. Talley, Bobbie Reed: 9780785264743: Amazon.com: Books . Get a good used copy for a paultry $.08 plus shipping.

Thank you, I know firsthand about the topic of the second book you recommended as does my older son, now 19. I doubt I could get my younger son to read either book, but I was thinking of getting the first book for my older son, since he hasn't had a GF since he and his "first love" broke it off over a year or two ago. He's "dated" but hasn't found "the one". And he just last year started re-attending church. His previous GF was a non-believer and her mom is a Pagen (self professed) so they really led him away from God for awhile, but he's back now so I think he might be open to reading this book. Thanks for the recommend!

 

[HisSparkPlug]

Will a romantic relationship/marriage have difficulty if there is not mutual physical attraction between the partners?

Is it shallow for me to not be interested in a Christian of the opposite sex who has a lot of the qualities I'm looking forand is a strong believer but I am just not physically attracted to?

Hi Christsoccer,
I don't think it's at all wrong to be attracted to someone. We're attracted to whom we're attracted.. but the deal breaker for me would be if a good looking (in my eyes) Christian man turned out to not have the Godly qualities I seek.. at that point, my "attraction" to him ends no matter how much I like his looks.

In Genesis 24:15 we see that Isaac was drawn to Rebekah and beauty obviously had something to do with it... "Before he had finished speaking, behold, Rebekah who was born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Abraham’s brother Nahor, came out with her jar on her shoulder. The girl was very beautiful.."
There's nothing wrong with attraction, but we do need to also look deeper - very important.

 

[AmericanSamurai]

Yes and No.

 

[Doctor Strangelove]

I try to think in terms of how fit and active someone is and how that would match me. I am kind of middle of the road - not athletic but more active than some. If she were the type of person who gets up at 5 in the morning to run for miles, then goes to work, then goes to the gym - I couldn't keep up with that. But I often walk for several miles for exercise several times during the week. On Saturday I might hike on some trails for three to six hours, then do some errands/shopping. Then later I might go to a concert or something or stay at a home and read or do something with a hobby. I would not be that compatible with someone a lot less active who spends Saturday eating and slumped asleep in front of the TV (I don't even have a TV anymore).

I can honestly say I never have found the super model look to be especially attractive. You know, the look that is a walking advertisement for the surgeon's art. I think someone who is average looking and healthy is attractive. A look that advertises that she is sensible and lives a life of moderation.