Abandoment Issues..

[aflower4God]

I was talking to one of the tenants the other night and we had a long talk about my struggles how I can't cope with being left out or totally ignored or what not. After telling him my personality and how I cope with that and how I have a strong desire to be with my father cause I can't cope with being ignored and or left out he suggested for me to google up "abandonment personality..." I did so thinking it was something new, when I did Borderline Personality Disorder was the only return's that I got from Google.
So I did this one extensive online test (one that had to be the most detailed test) NOW I KNOW that those test are NOT AT ALL compared to what a professional knows but it gives me insight into that topic and if I may have that disorder. The results came up saying that I have a lot of traits of BPD.
I know that I have had a couple of people tell me that they thought I had some BPD traits.
I just can't cope with being ignored or left out.
I feel that I am a MAJOR flaw in this world, I guess cause not only am I ignored by A LOT of people but I am also ignored by society meaning that I can't even keep a guy, marry and have a kid, cause I am not good enough. Like the last guy I talked to who used me, yeah he was a lot older than me and many people say he is a schmuck aka BIG TIME LOSER, I have had so many people tell me that here even, but just the idea of being rejected.........YET AGAIN......... is so hard for me to cope and it seems that this kind of thing is happening MORE AND MORE! Of course I am going to BLAME ME, no one else BUT ME ME ME and this BPD that I have.
Thank you for letting me vent about this topic.
I am and will forever be a loser because I am either rejected, ignored or casted aside!

 

[korvus]

That must be terrible that your dad died. My parents haven't died so far, but I can imagine how heart wrenching it must be to have lost someone you've known since you were born, though I can't possibly feel how terrible it really is until it happens to me.

Life is tough and things like this happen to not only you but to all of us. I just want to let you know that we are all in this together, every single one of us.

You are not a flaw, you are a special (better believe it) special creation God made and you are unique and needed for this world whether you believe it or not. Make sure, for the people who love you and the people you know could love you, that you understand that are are not a mistake and you will never be a mistake.

Please understand that .

God bless you and know you're loved by many.

 

[madison1101]

You should really be discussing all that you're talking about, especially how you feel about yourself, with a licensed psychotherapist. Low self-esteem is unhealthy, and can be changed in therapy.

I remember the enormity of my feelings of abandonment. I couldn't handle them, and often acted out in anger. A lot of that anger was toward myself.

With the help of a great psychotherapist, and a mature, Christian mentor, I no longer feel abandoned.

Get help. You are believing lies about yourself. Read Psalm 139, and learn how important you are to God.

 

[marleyhill]

So my mom who is half the time helpful in her comments and half the time unhelpful started saying during one of my episodes that "the Devil is a liar" to which I rolled my eyes. The Devil inside of us tell us we are losers. We are not. We are human. We have good days and bad days. We do the best we can with what we have in the circumstances we are in. LET ME REPEAT THAT AND SHOUT IT OUT LOUD. We do the best we can with what we have in the circumstances we are in! it says your are 39. Hooray you lived to 39! Do you know how many people didn't make it to 39. Sometimes my husband treats me badly...That is not my fault...that is his fault and his issues and I can't say I have never treated him badly because I have. I think you need to go to counselling or therapy. All good things must come to an end that is the journey of life. I'm sorry your father died but think about what he would want you to do. He'd want you to carry on, to keep going and never ever give up. Your self esteem seems low. Mine is low at the moment too but you know what I'm alive, I can change, this is not the worst situation in the world. You and I are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death but God is with us. Growing up I knew some amazing women who didn't have children and never married but their contribution to the world means they are etched in my memory. They are remembered until we meet again in glory. to be honest the key is the diagnosis. It unlocked everything for me and made me keep fighting to get help as in "I need help this type of help and this type of drug". I have abandonment issues too but because I was an only child for 9 years I love my own company. Although we are social animals, there is nothing wrong with being alone just probably not for extended periods of time. I don't have children but I have lots of friends and family who do and I can't wait to be the favourite aunty when they are older! I am feeling lonely because my husband ignores me but I interact socially by volunteering and I make plans to visit friends I haven't seen in a long time and to visit family. I do talk to people on the train when we are all crammed in like sardines wishing we were somewhere else and to complain about the government. I help little old ladies...they might be lonely too. There are people out there who are happy for your small little contribution and the only losers are the people who haven't treated you properly because they have lost you!

 

[Chococat]

First off Petal you need to change that signature IMMEDIATELY as you are NOT a mistake. God does not make mistakes and you are believing a lie of Satan. I understand how you feel as I have similar struggles. You need to know that there are more people who care about you than you realise. For instance you have a very good friend offline and quite a few online (myself included). Some people don't even have one friend. Perhaps you need to concentrate more on the people who love and care for you rather than the ones who reject you and put you down. Sad to say in this hurting world there will always be cruel people as well as people who don't like you. Also I know it is hard when you are single and childless (again I am talking from experience) but getting married and having children is not the be all and end all of life. Think of all the great servants of God such as the Apostle Paul and Mother Theresa amongst others who were single but God did great things through them. Plus of course Jesus Himself was single. Don't get me wrong marriage and family are great blessings but I do think the world and even the church puts too much emphasis on these things and it makes people like us feel a bit like freaks and losers which is not the case. Anyway hope you are feeling a bit better now and, as always, I am praying for you.

 

[madison1101]

So my mom who is half the time helpful in her comments and half the time unhelpful started saying during one of my episodes that "the Devil is a liar" to which I rolled my eyes. The Devil inside of us tell us we are losers. We are not. We are human. We have good days and bad days. We do the best we can with what we have in the circumstances we are in. LET ME REPEAT THAT AND SHOUT IT OUT LOUD. We do the best we can with what we have in the circumstances we are in! it says your are 39. Hooray you lived to 39! Do you know how many people didn't make it to 39. Sometimes my husband treats me badly...That is not my fault...that is his fault and his issues and I can't say I have never treated him badly because I have. I think you need to go to counselling or therapy. All good things must come to an end that is the journey of life. I'm sorry your father died but think about what he would want you to do. He'd want you to carry on, to keep going and never ever give up. Your self esteem seems low. Mine is low at the moment too but you know what I'm alive, I can change, this is not the worst situation in the world. You and I are in the Valley of the Shadow of Death but God is with us. Growing up I knew some amazing women who didn't have children and never married but their contribution to the world means they are etched in my memory. They are remembered until we meet again in glory. to be honest the key is the diagnosis. It unlocked everything for me and made me keep fighting to get help as in "I need help this type of help and this type of drug". I have abandonment issues too but because I was an only child for 9 years I love my own company. Although we are social animals, there is nothing wrong with being alone just probably not for extended periods of time. I don't have children but I have lots of friends and family who do and I can't wait to be the favourite aunty when they are older! I am feeling lonely because my husband ignores me but I interact socially by volunteering and I make plans to visit friends I haven't seen in a long time and to visit family. I do talk to people on the train when we are all crammed in like sardines wishing we were somewhere else and to complain about the government. I help little old ladies...they might be lonely too. There are people out there who are happy for your small little contribution and the only losers are the people who haven't treated you properly because they have lost you!

The devil does not live within Born Again Believers in Christ. In fact, he doesn't even live within the unsaved. Scripture says that Believers receive the Holy Spirit, who resides inside them. God and Satan cannot live inside the same person.

 

[Maja333]

You are not a loser. How could you possibly be? God has created each one of us out of love, and as such, He has a purpose for all of us.

The way that God helped me deal with a lot of my issues was by letting me learn about His will and accept His will for my life.

With that said, you can either continue to say that you are a 'loser' and so on, or you can accept your flaws and let God take care of you.

We are all ignored at some point of our lives. Some more than others. I think that when that happens, God is asking us to have trust in Him and grow a stonger relationship with God. He wants us to rely on Him only and not on people as people change. God never changes.

 

[LottyH]

Aflower4God, you have such a sweet name by the way. I'm really sorry to hear what you are going through, it really breaks my heart to hear that you're going through so much pain. I've read a couple of your other posts and you sound such like a caring, sweet soul that reaches out to others even though you feel pain yourself. I just wanted to drop you a line and say hi, and that I think you are worth talking to and spending time with - those people who are ignoring you are the losers, as they are losing an opportunity to get to know a very special person. Prayers and hugs from me

 

[ActionJ]

It's easy to compare ourselves to Society's (the World's) expectations or popular "norms." The World's "winners" may not have a place in God's Kingdom. God's Sheep will always be "losers" from the World's point of view but we're not of the World so what do we care what it thinks? Hollywood and Television don't do my thinking for me. The Holy Spirit is my Guide and my Comforter.

There's an old saying: "If we're given lemons we should make lemonade." We all have an opportunity to turn our misfortunes or imperfections or shortcomings into beneficial tools or examples or "lemonade." There's always someone out there who's worse off than we are. Christ tells us to "love thy neighbor." It's His second great Commandment. When we seek to help others less fortunate than we are we rarely have time to focus on our own problems.