Husband refuses to attend church

[JoyT86]

My husband of 3 years is not at all interested in going to church with me and our two children. He was raised Catholic, and I was raised in a Christian church.

The past few years, I have really developed a closer relationship with Jesus, and I am craving fellowship with a church. We went to a Catholic church a few times (which neither of us liked), and the last time we went to a church was 2 years ago.

I am really interested in getting involved with a new church, and he is totally against it. He says that church just isn't "his thing", and that he has all he needs to be saved so he doesn't see the need for it. (He works all week outdoors and is exhausted on the weekends) I have offered to go to any church that he wants, it can be Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Presbyterian, Christian, WHATEVER... I just want to go! I asked him just to try it once, and if he doesn't like it that I'll never bother him again about it. I really want our children (age 4 and 5) to grow up in a spiritual environment, and since I am planning on homeschooling them next year, I want them to have friends their own age that are homeschooled as well. (They have a homeschooling group in the church I am interested in.)

Other than praying, (Lord knows how much I've prayed about this...) Is the only thing I can do is just go alone with my two kids? I know that I am supposed to be a good example, but I want to know is there anything else I can do without nagging him?

Prayers needed and much appreciated!

Thank you!
Joy

 

[The Fire Rises]

I feel like you've given him a pretty fair deal by offering to go to any church he wants and only going once. I realize he may be tired on the weekends from working, but there are times when I don't feel like waking up early and going to church between my job, school and other commitments. But I do it anyway.

There are a lot of mornings when I'm pretty grumpy and the last thing I want to do is rush out the door to get to service in time. But I'm always glad I go once I get there. There's never been a time I left church thinking, "Well that was a waste of time". The message always speaks to me, the worship always uplifts me, the fellowship always encourages me. It really puts your week into perspective and reminds me of what truly matters in life.

Continue to seek God's will - although really I think we all know what He'd want you guys to go. Really what do you have to lose by at least trying out a few churches? I had to try three different churches before I found the right one.

 

[Hospes]

I know you are in a very difficult position. Peter makes it pretty clear in 1 Peter 3 how you handle it. May God grant you grace to trust your husband with Him and fearless strength to follow his instruction.

 

[Ready4Chapter2]

Hi Joy, I realize the difficulty you're having in getting your husband to join a church, how about inviting a church member into your home first for bible studies. Maybe when you and your husband have a chance to ask a few questions and get them answered biblically, that would help to encourage church attendance.

 

[dogs4thewin]

My father is the same. Mom takes us to church but father will not go.

 

[turkle]

This is yet another thread about the pain involved in being unequally yoked. I really feel for you, because I was you many years ago. I also had two small children, and I took them to church without my husband.

All you can do is be an example and pray that the Holy Spirit will fill him with the desire to know Him. You cannot change him. You may have to do this on your own for many years. I did.

Be patient with your husband. Pray over him. And accept the fact that he might stay exactly the way he is. But don't let that change your faith. Seek Him and His righteousness, now and always. You can do it.

 

[ChristOurCaptain]

My husband of 3 years is not at all interested in going to church with me and our two children. He was raised Catholic, and I was raised in a Christian church.

(bolding mine)
Correction: You were raised in a different Christian church than your husband.

 

[seashale76]

I know from experience that you can't push these things- because the only direction he'll be pushed is away. Yes- keep praying. Stop nagging (I hate to use that word- but you brought it up first). Just concentrate on your own walk with Christ and take your kids to church. If your husband will be swayed it will be because of your example only.

 

[peterlindner]

My husband of 3 years is not at all interested in going to church with me and our two children. He was raised Catholic, and I was raised in a Christian church.

The past few years, I have really developed a closer relationship with Jesus, and I am craving fellowship with a church. We went to a Catholic church a few times (which neither of us liked), and the last time we went to a church was 2 years ago.

I am really interested in getting involved with a new church, and he is totally against it. He says that church just isn't "his thing", and that he has all he needs to be saved so he doesn't see the need for it. (He works all week outdoors and is exhausted on the weekends) I have offered to go to any church that he wants, it can be Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, Presbyterian, Christian, WHATEVER... I just want to go! I asked him just to try it once, and if he doesn't like it that I'll never bother him again about it. I really want our children (age 4 and 5) to grow up in a spiritual environment, and since I am planning on homeschooling them next year, I want them to have friends their own age that are homeschooled as well. (They have a homeschooling group in the church I am interested in.)

Other than praying, (Lord knows how much I've prayed about this...) Is the only thing I can do is just go alone with my two kids? I know that I am supposed to be a good example, but I want to know is there anything else I can do without nagging him?

Prayers needed and much appreciated!

Thank you!
Joy

This would be a great opportunity to let God home school you. God is fully capable of reaching you and He can commune directly with you through the Word. If you ask God questions He will show you the answers. If you use someone else's spiritual bowel to process what God is saying, you will get old food. Many pastors will tell you to not lean on your own understanding. At the very same time they will ask you to lean on their understanding. You don't need religion; just Jesus. With Him the Father will be revealed.
peter

 

[Albion]

It's unfortunate, but just go and take the children. Many other families have experienced the same problem and handle it this way, although it's not ideal.

 

[BFine]

Please, don't be nagging your husband about attending
church, that will only cause more tension in the home
and in your marital relationship.
Avoid that whenever possible.

Let your witness be a silent one, be a living Bible
for him to see.
Continue to pray for him and have your other believers
praying for him as well.

Does your husband do any bible reading? praying?
Is he teaching the children about the Lord in any way,
shape or form?

 

[tturt]

Since he doesn't want to go then it's fine for you to take the kids - "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Prov 22:6.

I understand you wanting him to go but wouldn't nag about it. As BFine posted be a silent witness.

 

[Urbanredneck]

Yeah, as others have said, just take the kids to church by yourself.

BTW, you shouldnt have tried the "just try it once and I wont bug you again". Dont ever make such a promise. If you and the kids church experience is really as good as you hope it will be, then sooner or later he will go. Maybe first it will be when the kids are singing. Maybe then for a special service. But I think he will eventually, with a little prompting from God, agree to come along.

 

[Liberated91]

You can try to fast and pray about it. Fasting can change things. God bless you

 

[americanvet]

I have an aunt whose husband does not care for church. She reads her Bible at night while they are in bed, so she can share things of interest. I have the same issue with my wife (minus the kids). I try to let her see me reading my Bible a few times a week. Also by serving my Biblical role I hope I am a witness to her.

Another thing might be to see if the church you choose has a men's ministry. Something that will get his hands dirty. Not a men's Bible study but an active hands on working ministry.

 

[JoyT86]

I feel like you've given him a pretty fair deal by offering to go to any church he wants and only going once. I realize he may be tired on the weekends from working, but there are times when I don't feel like waking up early and going to church between my job, school and other commitments. But I do it anyway.

There are a lot of mornings when I'm pretty grumpy and the last thing I want to do is rush out the door to get to service in time. But I'm always glad I go once I get there. There's never been a time I left church thinking, "Well that was a waste of time". The message always speaks to me, the worship always uplifts me, the fellowship always encourages me. It really puts your week into perspective and reminds me of what truly matters in life.

Continue to seek God's will - although really I think we all know what He'd want you guys to go. Really what do you have to lose by at least trying out a few churches? I had to try three different churches before I found the right one.

Oh I've had that same discussion with him. He is just extremely stubborn and set in his ways!

(bolding mine)
Correction: You were raised in a different Christian church than your husband.

I completely agree with that, and I'm sorry if I offended anyone. The only reason I said that was because my husband has used this as an excuse to not want to go to ANY church other than a Catholic church (which I am VERY open to going to) because he says "I'm not Christian, Baptist, etc., I'm Catholic so why would I want to go to any other church?" To which I reply, if you are Catholic, you are still Christian!

This would be a great opportunity to let God home school you. God is fully capable of reaching you and He can commune directly with you through the Word. If you ask God questions He will show you the answers. If you use someone else's spiritual bowel to process what God is saying, you will get old food. Many pastors will tell you to not lean on your own understanding. At the very same time they will ask you to lean on their understanding. You don't need religion; just Jesus. With Him the Father will be revealed.
peter

Well, I agree and disagree! I understand that my salvation doesn't hinge on my church attendance. Since I have grown more and more close to God, and have been reading the Bible daily, I crave fellowship with other believers. I'm not looking for someone to school me.

Please, don't be nagging your husband about attending
church, that will only cause more tension in the home
and in your marital relationship.
Avoid that whenever possible.

Let your witness be a silent one, be a living Bible
for him to see.
Continue to pray for him and have your other believers
praying for him as well.

Does your husband do any bible reading? praying?
Is he teaching the children about the Lord in any way,
shape or form?

No he does not read the Bible, and I'm not completely sure if he prays or not. He told me before that he does, but its never out loud or in front of me (which is completely fine). He does not teach our children about the Lord, but seems to support me teaching them instead.

I have an aunt whose husband does not care for church. She reads her Bible at night while they are in bed, so she can share things of interest. I have the same issue with my wife (minus the kids). I try to let her see me reading my Bible a few times a week. Also by serving my Biblical role I hope I am a witness to her.

Another thing might be to see if the church you choose has a men's ministry. Something that will get his hands dirty. Not a men's Bible study but an active hands on working ministry.

This church does have a very active men's ministry, and he is not at all interested. It almost seems as if he is embarrassed to fellowship with others!



Thank you all for all the quick replies! I purchased a book last night on my Kindle "The Power of a Praying Wife". Have any of you read this? I will continue to pray for him like crazy, and invite all of you to do the same. His name is Ryan! I'd really appreciate the prayers. I pray for the Holy Spirit to soften his heart constantly. I will keep all of you updated.

Thank you again and God bless, friends.
Joy

 

[ezeric]

Is your goal getting your children to interact with other kids?
Or for your husband to 'go to church'?

Right now you are getting neither.

Why don't you bring 'church' to your home instead?
If JESUS is all you need, and HE is everywhere - well then, HE can show up at your kitchen table too.

-eric

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

 

[Albion]

Oh I've had that same discussion with him. He is just extremely stubborn and set in his ways!

Yes. I really believe that for you to attend some church regularly, with the kids, and without nagging him about it, is the first step. And it's an essential step. There are many men who felt as your husband does, and many of them softened their attitude when they found out that they weren't going to be forced to do something against their will after all. Some reconsidered and decided they'd rather not be left out! But none of that would be possible if there were not the family's example to start the process.

 

[janny108]

think about those situations where grandma takes the kids to church because the parent(s) won't go

 

[parsley]

I took the kids by myself many, many times. After a while, you realize that this is your whole life, and your kids' lives -- and it's not going to be different unless you take a stand for what you need.

It would be great if you agreed on everything, but that rarely happens in a marriage. People like to make their own decisions, especially when expressing their faith.

Picture yourself ten years from now. Will your kids have known what church was like, will they find support from friends in praying to God? When imagining all those years without, it shows up as more important than the week-to-week decisions.

Men tend to come when they see their wives having a good time at church activities -- more than when they are begged to come. Let him make his decision, but in the meantime it's important that you make yours too.

It's hard to get the kids out of the house, but oh well. They'll get older. We showed up sometimes with missing socks and messy hair. You might even get more help from dh if he knows he'll have an extra hour to himself.