I would like to find out other opinions and to see how many disagree or agree with the advice given below. I think the advice seems very reasonable.
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Hi, I have been a pastor for 38 years and have done premarital counseling for about 300 couples.
The actions of the pastor you describe sound bizarre at best. What he calls love sounds like infatuation to me. I find that dreams are often illogical and unrealistic, so to go by a dream in the face of circumstances that are impulsive is not wisdom in my experience. It is also very manipulative in my opinion.
Why not just make it clear to the pastor that God has not indicated to you that he is someone for you to pursue and tell him that you will continue to develop the relationship with the person you have been dating. If he persists talk to the leaders who gave him permission to court you and tell them that you do not want to be courted by this man and ask them to rescind their permission so you can stay at the church without being pressured by his romantic interests. If they do not see the wisdom in this I think you might find a healthier church.
Does this help?
Chaplain Steve
^This. Except- I'd add this: Why did anyone give this guy permission to court you? Shouldn't
you be the one granting permission or not? I realize this courting thing is a relatively new scene. I get it, and I don't. If this is the way you want to do things, then as long as it is understood that YOU get the ultimate decision in who courts you, and who you choose to marry, then great.
Also, my mother was a PK and went to a Christian university in a town that also has another Christian university (of the same denom) which has a seminary attached. She told me that you would not
believe how many guys claimed God showed them she was destined to marry them. So, my take is that any guy who claims he's dreamed about you, or that God showed him you were meant to be, is full of bologna.
ETA: Having read the rest of this thread and what you've said about your church- it sounds extremely cult like. I'd run far away, if it were me.
ETA again: You're being coerced. I get the impression this church feels they own you due to helping pay your tuition. Your friends from this church are only caring about what they think God's will is due to what they want for their ministry at that church. It's all about them and what they think. If any of them are really hearing from God on the issue of who YOU should marry- I'll buy a hat and eat it.
(Oh- since you asked- I was raised Christian and stayed the course for 23 years- had major faith issues in my twenties- came back and have been an active Christian since 2005.)