I have mild autism and I have a problem

[Lioness901]

Hey I'm Jenny and I have mild autism. I'm struggling with a problem and I'm wondering if anyone here can help me with it. I've already asked for prayers for it but advice I think is good to. I have father issues. I never had a good earthly father figure and I never will. I know GOD is my Heavenly Father and that's wonderful but I need a dad that I can physically see. Can't physically see GOD. Oh I know I can see Him move through people and stuff but I can't actually see Him smile or nod or shrug or anything like that. Can't physically hear GOD either. I know GOD speaks through His Word, people and circumstances but I can't have a conversation with Him like I can with people. Oh I know He hears me and I talk to Him all the time but I don't hear stuff back cause He doesn't do the conersation thing. I read my Bible all the time. I pray alot. I go to Church every Sunday. I been baptized. I'm a member of my Church. I got no gurdges or anything and I've confessed everything I can think of. I go regularly to Celebrate Recovery that's a Christ centered recovery group for any hurt, habit or hang-up. I been goin there for 2 years it'll be 3 years in June. A part of me though just never grew up. There's a little girl inside of me who constantly begs for attention, love and focus. This little girl inside me is constantly saying "please put me in dresses. please put bows in my hair. please buy me presents. please buy me treats. please spoil me. please pay attention to me. please hold my hand. please tell me stories. please tuck me in and scare away the monsters under my bed and in the closet. please laugh at all my jokes. please listen to me. please talk with me. please hug and hold me all the time. please lead,guide and teach me." What am I supposed to do with these feelings?? Pretend there not there?? Ignore them?? Supress them?? I do any of those and I get depressed. Depression runs in my family. I used to get drunk partly cause of those feelings just so I wouldn't feel em anymore. I don't wanna ask GOD to take em away though. I want it to be ok for me to feel those things and to have a father there to do those things for me. Anyone out there have any advice on this??

 

[saskcanada4christ]

If you need to talk pm ill try and give you advice its hard I know. I had a part time father when I was growing up and I can kinda relate to you .

 

[renewed21]

your post has helped learn about how young women feel and think. I am so sorry that your father isnt there for you lioness. I do not know what to tell you. I dont know if you are old enough to have a serious relationship with a yound man. IMaybe your grandfather is still alive or your mom can pick up some slack?

God Bless you sister

 

[Sabertooth]

I can't direct you on all of that, but I can tell you that you CAN learn to hear God.

First, it helps to read your Bible, because (later) when we start hearing in the spiritual realm, 1John 4:1-3 says we need to "not believe every spirit, but to test them..." Knowing your Bible really helps with that.

Secondly, get the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said (in John 14:26) that He would lead us and guide us in all things.

Thirdly, learning to hear (and understand) God is a bit like how we acquired language from our natural parents:

• We started off hearing them, but did not know what they meant,
• Later, we got a sense of the feelings behind their words, even if we still didn't know what they meant (some refer to this [with God] as a "check" in their spirit),
• Over time, we were able to start understanding what they meant and that improved with time (with God, this can be a spontaneous remembrance of an apropos scripture or something more direct).

Adam, Noah, Abraham, Israel, Moses & Paul all heard and understood God. There is nowhere in the Bible that says it can't happen with anybody else. Even Balaam conversed with God and he wasn't even playing for our team...!

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Lioness,
Well, you might be surprised that many of your feelings aren't so different than other other women have.
I don't know that I have an way of telling you how to get what you want.

Has Celebrate Recovery helped with any of your thoughts along that line? That might be a good topic to bring up with the other women who attend.

 

[1watchman]

You may need to be settled with your heavenly Father as your best friend, but if you continue being nice to all people you will have rewards by God in your life. Please don't throw yourself at men to get attention, for some will surely take advantage of you and harm you. One day, the right man will come by God's providing. You can know by asking Godly friends and your Pastor about the man, asking God daily to protect you from harm, and seeking to live to please the Lord Jesus Christ (read John 14 in your Bible). Look up always!

 

[elephunky]

I cant claim to have all the answers, however I would be able to share my own experiences with my own father which now do not bother me as much as they used to. If you are interesting in chatting just PM me

 

[eatenbylocusts]

It's good that you can articulate that you have needs. My dd is 14 and never talks about any hurts. Her dad came and went, being gone for 6 weeks at a time until he disappeared completely when she was about 4. My 20 yr old son told me recently that he feels more like her father than brother even though he didn't have the responsibility of watching her until she was about 10. He is protective of her and that's fine with me.

I do worry about how this will affect her. She has people around her that love her, but I have been married for just a little over 2 years and don't know how much that relationship with my husband will progress with her.

No person can fulfill all of our needs, but I believe that we are made with the need for real human companionship. Do you have any close relationships?

 

[beakybird]

As someone (though not a girl obviously) who was abandoned by my father at 8 yrs old, I understand the difficulties of relating to God as your father. I know I've heard it and don't always know what it means. Young boys and girls look to their father for different things growing up, but in my own way I know that feeling of still having a longing to feel like a son. To have a father be proud of you, to encourage you, to instruct you.

I wish I had more than just the relating that someone knows what it's like. Sure I never wanted a dad to put bows in my hair, but throwing around a football or teaching me to fix something would have been nice. But fortunately for me I had someone for a short period of time that made me feel it and he just recently died. I may be at odds with alot of aspect of my faith, but I know the Bible teaches to comfort the fatherless. I'm sure there has to be somebody in the world that can be brought into your life to show you what that feels like. It doesn't have to be the man who "contributed" to your creation.

Maybe someday a friend's dad, or father-in-law, or church member can show you the things that you were never able to have because your dad was not willing to do his job.

 

[Catherineanne]

Hey I'm Jenny and I have mild autism. I'm struggling with a problem and I'm wondering if anyone here can help me with it. I've already asked for prayers for it but advice I think is good to. I have father issues. I never had a good earthly father figure and I never will. I know GOD is my Heavenly Father and that's wonderful but I need a dad that I can physically see. Can't physically see GOD. Oh I know I can see Him move through people and stuff but I can't actually see Him smile or nod or shrug or anything like that. Can't physically hear GOD either. I know GOD speaks through His Word, people and circumstances but I can't have a conversation with Him like I can with people. Oh I know He hears me and I talk to Him all the time but I don't hear stuff back cause He doesn't do the conersation thing. I read my Bible all the time. I pray alot. I go to Church every Sunday. I been baptized. I'm a member of my Church. I got no gurdges or anything and I've confessed everything I can think of. I go regularly to Celebrate Recovery that's a Christ centered recovery group for any hurt, habit or hang-up. I been goin there for 2 years it'll be 3 years in June. A part of me though just never grew up. There's a little girl inside of me who constantly begs for attention, love and focus. This little girl inside me is constantly saying "please put me in dresses. please put bows in my hair. please buy me presents. please buy me treats. please spoil me. please pay attention to me. please hold my hand. please tell me stories. please tuck me in and scare away the monsters under my bed and in the closet. please laugh at all my jokes. please listen to me. please talk with me. please hug and hold me all the time. please lead,guide and teach me." What am I supposed to do with these feelings?? Pretend there not there?? Ignore them?? Supress them?? I do any of those and I get depressed. Depression runs in my family. I used to get drunk partly cause of those feelings just so I wouldn't feel em anymore. I don't wanna ask GOD to take em away though. I want it to be ok for me to feel those things and to have a father there to do those things for me. Anyone out there have any advice on this??

You are right in saying that if we suppress our feelings they will often turn to depression. There is no need to suppress anything; we are supposed to need one another; that is part of being human.

When we are children we rely on our parents to meet our needs. Some parents are good at meeting their children's needs, some parents are less good.

When we are older, we no longer rely on our parents, and we are responsible for ensuring that our needs are met. If we do not have someone else to buy us ribbons and dresses, then we have to buy them for ourselves; it is as simple as that.

You may find a boyfriend one day who will be able to meet some of your needs for reassurance and protection, but in the meantime you can do some of the other things for yourself. Look around you at the older men in your church, and try to work out what qualities you admire in them. Perhaps one man will be very dependable, another very kind, another will treat women with particular respect. Then you take that combination of qualities, and value them in a whole range of different men, rather than hoping to find them in one man. You don't have to tell those men that you are treating them as little bits of a surrogate father, but you can do exactly that. No one man can be everything that you need, but a group of men that you can trust at your church may well help a lot.

You will find as you get older that you do not need looking after all the time; few women are quite that helpless these days. What you will need is the same as the rest of us; someone to let you get on with what you can do, and who will only help if you either need or want it. Someone who will not encourage you to be helpless, but who will enable you to find your way in life.

I wish you well.

 

[flowerforever7]

Hi,

I wouldn't suppress them.

I see God as my real Father. I did not grow up with my Dad in my life. But for that I make it up with addressing God directly as my Dad. I know it's more formal and stuff to be like "You, O' Lord are wonderful" I just exclaim excitedly in my prayers "Lord, I will bite you! In a loving way!" Sometimes I imagine squishing or pushing Him playfully. For whatever years I missed in not having a Dad, I am making up for it now. It's like I get to be 4, 7, 14, and my current age (which is in my 30s) with God. Maybe this sounds irreverent to some (God please forgive me if it is), but I imagine perhaps God is patient with it and wouldn't mind if I talked to Him like I was four years old for the rest of my earthly life, if it was coming from an honest place with love toward Him. I love having the freedom to be me at whatever age with God, and that bond that I missed out on as a kid, I have not missed out at all with God. I'm not certain, but I don't think God would mind if you asked Him to tuck you in, etc. I know it sounds silly, but I think part of having a relationship with God is the freedom to be authentic with Him, meaning also allowing that part of you that never grew up to interact with Him as is.

Hope this is helpful.
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Acts 22:16 "And now why do you wait? Rise and be baptized and wash away your sins, calling on his name.’"

 

[joyfulbunny]

God bless you.