I'm just wondering how many people here would say that, by the grace of God, you and your spouse have a good marriage that a lot of people would do well to emulated.
Do you have a good marriage
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David Jerome
Well-Known Member
I have a good marriage, but I don't believe anyone should "emmulate" any marriage. Marriages are specific to that couple, and there's no formula or technique that can be followed for a good marriage. What works for me and my wife ( or you and your wife) may not work for other couples.
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It isn't going to work to emulate EVERYTHING about another couple's marriage, but it may be helpful to emulate many things from another couple's marriage provided they have a good, strong marriage.
Btw, even though, as human beings, my wife and I aren't flawless, I'd say yes, we have a good marriage, by the grace and mercy of God, and many aspects of it are worthy of emulation. I think we both feel comfortable enough with the quality of our marriage to feel comfortable giving advice to a couple who requests it. If we didn't get along well or if we had certain other major problems, I don't think we would feel that way.
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JaneFW
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The structure of my marriage is sound. The egalitarian aspects absolutely work, and I would have no hesitation in proposing that model to anyone. However, I wouldn't recommend my husband's inappropriate content use to others, nor ask them to emulate his messed up mind when it come to sexual matters. If there wasn't that ongoing fly in the ointment, I think that our marriage would be awesome, because in all other respects, we have a lot going for us.
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I'd say I have a great marriage partly due to my awesome husband lol. However we have only been married for a few years so it feels presumptuous to consider others emulate our marriage. It isn't like a computer program with clear instructions. I'd say in choosing a life partner the things we considered are probably worth considering for all couples.
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dallasapple
Well-Known Member
I agree...
But basic stuff..mutual respect..mutual love..as an AIM by both is always a good formula..
Other than that the nitty gritty details are unique and what is good for that couple may not ever work for the next..
Dallas
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dallasapple
Well-Known Member
I think you have made a good point..havign a good "structure" doesnt mean one or even both are not contributing to a "not good" enviroment..Or that one or both doesnt act out in a manner that is wrong ..or that hurts the other one..
Dallas
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dallasapple
Well-Known Member
I think I have a "good /bad" marriage myself..many things are good many things not..Its a mixture of good and bad..I wouldnt recommend all my actions in my marriage but some I would highly..I wouldnt recommend all my husbands actions in our marriage but some I would..We have had marvleous highs and depressing lows..We are still standing and more times than not still united..after 24 years..The botom line is we couldnt have our marriage without each other..no matter what "formula" we used.. DEFINATELY understand HIM better than I did in the beginning and I have a sneakign supsicion he understands me better..AND we have changed to ..for the bettter and the worse..See?No formula matters unless ..We still BOTH seek to continue to try and understand each other..
Formula=AIM to continue to SEEK to understand your spouse..AIM to be respectful..AIM to love them..(theire is no love if there is no respect and there is no respect if there is no love in marriage hand in hand male and female alike)
Dallas
Formula=AIM to continue to SEEK to understand your spouse..AIM to be respectful..AIM to love them..(theire is no love if there is no respect and there is no respect if there is no love in marriage hand in hand male and female alike)
Dallas
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I'm not clear on how the metaphors are being used. What's the difference between the structure of the marriage and the marriage?
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citizenthom
I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'.
"I'm convinced this is how marriage is supposed to work but I'm not happy with the results."
My marriage is great and I would recommend it to anyone willing to put in the necessary effort.
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SearchingStudent
Senior Member
My marriage is wonderful. BUT...don't emulate us. Develop your own style of marriage. Accept your partner's strengths and weaknesses and your own. Compliment those strengths and weaknesses in each other. No need for a "power struggle".
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dallasapple
Well-Known Member
Im convinced if you are happy your marriage is working is more like it..dosnt matter what others are doing..Im also convinced "good" to one person is "not good' to another to a certain extent..There is no cookie cutter..
I can find similaritites in RESULTS or see that results are close to indenticle in situations that are opposites to the extreme so I can tell you there is no cookie cutter in anything..
If I think aobut it it all woudl go back to BALANCE..Finding a balance where BOTH are at minimum "content to dwell"..and at relative peace is a "good marriage" and there is not "one way" for every couple to do that..let alone how one couple reaches that balance necessarrily can be "emulated' by anotoher couple to attain the same reuslts..Its POSSIBLLE it can but there is no gaurantee.because its two whole seperate and unique individuals..
Dallas
I can find similaritites in RESULTS or see that results are close to indenticle in situations that are opposites to the extreme so I can tell you there is no cookie cutter in anything..
If I think aobut it it all woudl go back to BALANCE..Finding a balance where BOTH are at minimum "content to dwell"..and at relative peace is a "good marriage" and there is not "one way" for every couple to do that..let alone how one couple reaches that balance necessarrily can be "emulated' by anotoher couple to attain the same reuslts..Its POSSIBLLE it can but there is no gaurantee.because its two whole seperate and unique individuals..
Dallas
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yes, I have a good marriage. I guess if somebody were struggling with their own marriage, they could try some of the things DH and I do- but, if it ain't broke don't fix it.
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