lost all faith in a god

[desypete]

my world has crashed down like a ton of bricks these last few weeks after watching my 16 year old son die a slow painful death of cancer, he suffered so much and as i am a single parent dad i was the only one to be with him and i never left his side. my faith is smashed now as i think if there is an all loving god who saves people then why not save my son ? my son was the kindest kid in the world always thinking of others and even to the end was thinking about me.

there is just no sence to this and my feeling of anger is such that if there is a god then when its my turn to die i will beat the hell out of him and make him or her or it suffer like my son did i grew up to belive in being good kind and help others in this cruel world as it is today my son was so loved and yet this kind of thing happens to many people its just all so unfair to watch others live a good happy life never knowning what its like to suffer why on earth does this go on why carnt we just leave in a peaceful world without the suffering ? and when we die then just let us die of old age without suffering ? if god is all powerful and loving and kind then surely he would have to the power to grant that to us all ? hence my faith now is smashed as i dont have the answers and never will have

 

[SearchingStudent]

Dear one, I have nothing to say to you right now that will ease your pain. So, instead I'll send you my love and prayers. I understand where you are. If you want to talk offline, please PM me.

SS

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

I'm sorry for your loss. Praying for you right now! Blessings.

 

[WinBySurrender]

my world has crashed down like a ton of bricks these last few weeks after watching my 16 year old son die a slow painful death of cancer, he suffered so much and as i am a single parent dad i was the only one to be with him and i never left his side. my faith is smashed now as i think if there is an all loving god who saves people then why not save my son ? my son was the kindest kid in the world always thinking of others and even to the end was thinking about me.

there is just no sence to this and my feeling of anger is such that if there is a god then when its my turn to die i will beat the hell out of him and make him or her or it suffer like my son did i grew up to belive in being good kind and help others in this cruel world as it is today my son was so loved and yet this kind of thing happens to many people its just all so unfair to watch others live a good happy life never knowning what its like to suffer why on earth does this go on why carnt we just leave in a peaceful world without the suffering ? and when we die then just let us die of old age without suffering ? if god is all powerful and loving and kind then surely he would have to the power to grant that to us all ? hence my faith now is smashed as i dont have the answers and never will have

I don't think there is anything this forum has to offer that will ease the pain and give comfort better than a loving church family and an understanding pastor, all under the guidance, direction and power of Jesus Christ can do for you. The questions you ask are valid and apropos in your circumstances. But you need personal contact, loving arms to wrap around you and cry with you, sound biblical counsel that will help awaken within you the knowledge of God you have so you can turn to Him and seek Him and find Him for the healing that you so desperately need.

 

[2win]

I first want to say; take the advise WBS gave you; you need more than anything right now "good Christian" fellowship. I can understand your hurt; but as a truely born again Christian; I don't understand your anger toward God; however I know that some folks do get angry at God. Atleast sounds like you do believe in God; that is a first good step. My heart goes out to you, and I will be praying for you. I haver a son living here with me that had colon cancer, and we don't know how long he will live; my daughter who was 56 yrs.old just passed away April 30th. this year; so I can understand the hurt you are going through; but believe me we have a very loving God; you know; His only begotten Son was beaten, horribly punished, then verry horribly put to death, and was not guilty of anything but loving you, me, and everyone else. There are many things about God that we don't understand; but one thing we can be sure of; God loves you, and me. I pray the Lord bless you, comfort you, and bring you to know Him in truth, and spirit.
2win

 

[desypete]

thanks for the replys and to explain to 2win my anger is because i watched my little son who was only 16 suffer a painful death he begged to be shot as they couldnt keep him totaly out of pain, he cried begging he didnt want to die, he has done nothing wrong to anyone in his life. and to suffer such a slow and painful way for a kid as young as he was and i had to watch it day in day out and there was nothing i could do. this whole thing has left me ripped every morning i wake and he isnt there anymore and he died in such pain that i will never forget. so forgive me if i dont want to be around people who praise the lord for all the good he has given them or the ones who belive they have been saved by some sort of god intervention belive me we prayed every day, every step of the way we prayed yet that little man of mine got hurt time and time again hopes up then dashed so i come to see now that there can not be a god as no human being with a heart would sit back and let this happen hence my faith is smashed

 

[savedfromdistruction]

my world has crashed down like a ton of bricks these last few weeks after watching my 16 year old son die a slow painful death of cancer, he suffered so much and as i am a single parent dad i was the only one to be with him and i never left his side. my faith is smashed now as i think if there is an all loving god who saves people then why not save my son ? my son was the kindest kid in the world always thinking of others and even to the end was thinking about me.

there is just no sence to this and my feeling of anger is such that if there is a god then when its my turn to die i will beat the hell out of him and make him or her or it suffer like my son did i grew up to belive in being good kind and help others in this cruel world as it is today my son was so loved and yet this kind of thing happens to many people its just all so unfair to watch others live a good happy life never knowning what its like to suffer why on earth does this go on why carnt we just leave in a peaceful world without the suffering ? and when we die then just let us die of old age without suffering ? if god is all powerful and loving and kind then surely he would have to the power to grant that to us all ? hence my faith now is smashed as i dont have the answers and never will have

Hello desypete I am sorry for your suffering, but you clearly were not following the God of the bible according to the bible, (Romans 8:35-39) if you now reject Him 1John 2:19. Once we know Him and love Him we never go back. The Christian faith is about a personal relationship, and we know in Who we have believed. It is impossible to once know someone and then not know them or question if they are real.

What I would suggest to you is that you come to know the true and living God in the person of Jesus Christ which comes by repentance towards God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Then you will know that what happened to your son was not from God but from what satan accomplished in the garden, the fall of the human race.

If your son was saved and you get saved one day you will be re-united, but you first have to come to repentance towards God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and that means you accept His decisions and ways no matter what they are because of faith. His Son suffered and died so one day you and your son could live forever. It is all up to you if you want that promise or not.
I will pray for you that you will accept His offer, God bless.

 

[phoenixdem]

I understand your anger. I really don't know your personal relationship with God and I won't ask you. I can tell you that God can and does work through a person's anger toward Him. I suggest that you try your best to turn your anger into trusting God. I want to share one verse with you from Romans, Chapter 8,

8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that​

love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

 

[phoenixdem]

Hello desypete I am sorry for your suffering, but you clearly were not following the God of the bible according to the bible, (Romans 8:35-39) if you now reject Him 1John 2:19. Once we know Him and love Him we never go back. The Christian faith is about a personal relationship, and we know in Who we have believed. It is impossible to once know someone and then not know them or question if they are real.

What I would suggest to you is that you come to know the true and living God in the person of Jesus Christ which comes by repentance towards God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Then you will know that what happened to your son was not from God but from what satan accomplished in the garden, the fall of the human race.

If your son was saved and you get saved one day you will be re-united, but you first have to come to repentance towards God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and that means you accept His decisions and ways no matter what they are because of faith. His Son suffered and died so one day you and your son could live forever. It is all up to you if you want that promise or not.
I will pray for you that you will accept His offer, God bless.

Your first line of advice that the poster wasn't following God sounds much like one of Job's friends advising him. We don't know the poster's relationship with God and we shouldn't assume anything. The person is grieving for the loss of his son and we shouldn't put any blame on him. God works in His own way.

 

[desypete]

phoenixden
this is the type of thing i expect from people who brainwash themselves into beliving so strongly just imagine if you had gone through what i have or worse you was just 16 years old and it was you who went through the pain and suffering. do you honestly belive you would sing praise the lord or halaluja ?

sadly this small mindedness and rejection of anything that isnt written is where i lose the plot. only a sick mind would let someone die so badly and expect people to be grateful to the lord. sorry but if there is a god and i die and meet him i will hurt him as badly as he allowed my son to hurt that might not be a nice thing for me to say but i am being honest about how i feel right now. and with all the suffering that is going on daily in the world its clear to see why people dont belive anymore and i very much doubt i will ever again get down on my knees and pray beliving in a loving kind sprit i dont want to start world war 3 over it i just can not see anymore other than what has happend to me and my little lad and i would suggest that maybe if something like this had happend to you then you might understand where i am coming from sorry for my views i dont mean to anger or upset anyone

 

[OzSpen]

phoenixden
this is the type of thing i expect from people who brainwash themselves into beliving so strongly just imagine if you had gone through what i have or worse you was just 16 years old and it was you who went through the pain and suffering. do you honestly belive you would sing praise the lord or halaluja ?

sadly this small mindedness and rejection of anything that isnt written is where i lose the plot. only a sick mind would let someone die so badly and expect people to be grateful to the lord. sorry but if there is a god and i die and meet him i will hurt him as badly as he allowed my son to hurt that might not be a nice thing for me to say but i am being honest about how i feel right now. and with all the suffering that is going on daily in the world its clear to see why people dont belive anymore and i very much doubt i will ever again get down on my knees and pray beliving in a loving kind sprit i dont want to start world war 3 over it i just can not see anymore other than what has happend to me and my little lad and i would suggest that maybe if something like this had happend to you then you might understand where i am coming from sorry for my views i dont mean to anger or upset anyone

desypete,

I know you are hurting deeply and nothing I can say will ease that pain.

You say that you don't mean to anger or upset anyone, but what did you say about my Lord God?

if there is a god and i die and meet him i will hurt him as badly as he allowed my son to hurt that might not be a nice thing for me to say but i am being honest about how i feel right now

Please consider three points:

1. When the Lord Almighty made the universe (see Genesis 1), did he consult with you and me as to how the world is to be run? And,
2. When Adam and Eve fell into sin (Genesis 3), they did it for you and me. They were our representatives. If we had been there, we would have disobeyed God just as they did. And what happened?
3. What was unleashed on your son were the consequences of sin entering into the world. I have lived with a rheumatic heart condition all of my life and have had 4 open-heart, mitral valve replacement surgeries. I know the pain of 3 bouts of rheumatic fever as a child that left me with heart problems. I cannot begin to tell you the pain I experienced with attacks of rheumatic fever at ages 6, 10 and 12. My father dropped dead of a heart attack at age 57. My dear friend suffered a massive stroke last Thursday and entered the presence of the Lord through death on Saturday. I am not immune to pain in my life, but I am not blaspheming God like you did.

Why? It is my view of God that is based on biblical revelation. God has told us why your son could experience cancer and why I suffered attacks of rheumatic fever. It is a direct consequence of Adamic sin.

Besides, you and I spend so little time during our earthly journey when compared with eternity. Where will you be spending eternity with your current view of God? Why are you blaspheming him? Do you know God personally and do you have a relationship with him?

If you want to talk with me further, why don't you send a Private Message? I notice that you are new to this Forum. What kind of grief counselling are you receiving to help you deal with your son's death.

Sincerely, Oz

 

[2win]

Deseypete,
I first want to say I love you, and my heart goes out to you; It is very clear that you love your son very much, and I understand that. I'm very sorry he had to suffer so much before departing this earth; many people do suffer a lot before their life as we know it is finished. I don't know if you have ever read the "Foxes Book of Martyrs" or not; but this is a sort of history of the sufferings the Christians indured for the name of Jesus Christ. I remember one person who who loved his children very much; but yet was forced to watch them being put to death because he wouldn't deny Jesus Christ as Lord, and Savior. There are many other similar situations in that book. " yes but; that was a long time ago, right?" There are people in our day, and time who are being put to death for the same thing; standing up for Jesus Christ. I have listened to to storys from African children tell how their parents were tied up, had automobile tires put around them, gasoline poured on and set on fire because they were preaching the Word of God. These are stories of volunteer suffering for a cause; that cause being God. I just touched a little bit on the sufferings that God let His only begotten son go through; but through a good indepth study of the gospels will reveal what suffering Jesus went through to pay the dept for sin. God tells us in His Word that the last enemy to be defeated is; sin, and death. Jesus defeatd satan when He was crucified; but until He returns there will be sin in the world, and there will be death. I don't pretend to know why God allows many things to happen in this old world as we know it; but one thing I am sure of is; "All things work together for good,to those who love, the called acording to His purpose." SIN is the reason for bad things that happen in this world; that will be done away with some day. Many years ago I had something very bad, and hurtful to happen to me, and all I could do was sit, hold my head in my hands, and say; " Why me Lord; You know I love you so much!?" The Lord said to me; " Get up, and go find a ministry where you can minister to others, and bear some of their burdens." I got involved in Prison Fellowship for some time, and have been involved in other ministries ever since. I'm 79 yrs. old, and still looking for ways to reach out to others; that is part of my healing. May God bless you, and bring you to know Him as your Lord, and Savior; I'm praying for you, and making request to others to pray for you.
In the love of Christ ,
2win

 

[SharonL]

We are told in scripture that "the spirit will return to God who gave
it" (Eccles. 12:7) and that he will most assuredly "wipe away every
tear" (Rev. 21:4), Hold out hope for a reunion with your son. Soon
enough, we will know the truth about our questions. Until
then, your bond with your son will continue.

Try turning your anger around to a memorial to your son.
Ask how can I make my son's death mean something?
How can I not let his death be in vain?
How can I leave a legacy for this precious son?
How can I move forward and feel better about myself and my life?
How can I help others?

How, how, how instead of why, why, why?
The bond you had when your son was alive is still there. They are
always there for you. Losing your child doesn’t mean losing their
memory.

Here is a Word that the Lord put on my heart for healing.

SHARE IN THE GLORY OF A LOVED ONE
This loved one you cherish may now be out of your physical sight.
Keep this precious soul always in your mind and always praise their spirited fight.

Never think for a moment their faith was in vain.
My arms were wrapped around them and helped them endure the pain.

While you enjoyed this wonderful laughter and caring heart,
Remember my precious ones, they are still living in laughter, only now they no longer have to dodge the enemy's darts.

You feel as if you have lost even part of your self.
Be at peace and know your loved one is enjoying Heavens Beautiful Wealth.

Be happy for this precious one who has won the race.
Picture them in Heaven, basking in God's Glory upon their face.

Never look upon this passing with sadness of this precious one.
The Blessings are overwhelming as they walk hand in hand with My Son.

Keep your hearts and souls pure and without blemish.
Build up high your crowns which will be waiting for you when your walk here is finished.

Gather around you all those lives this precious soul has touched.
Help them to look to Heaven and know their Precious Savior loves them 'Oh so very much.'

Jesus' arms are wrapped around you and encompasses you all.
His call to you is 'hold up those remaining and never let them fall.'

As your thoughts flow in remembrance of this precious one.
Delight in the Glory that is the prize for the battle won.

~~Sharon Lambkin

Praying for peace for you and the vision of spending eternity with your son.

 

[SearchingStudent]

Dear brother. I felt the same way you did many times. I won't go through the litany here but it involved taking my newborn son off life support, watching my mother die a horrible death, my husband afflicted with an illness where the cure is worse than the disease, homelessness, etc.

On the other side of it, I see the hand of God in all of it. These things taught me mercy, compassion and how to LOVE another person unconditionally.

I will keep you in my prayers...

 

[Johnnz]

Many have felt and reacted like you have. The Psalmist cried out "How long will you leave me God? Forever?"

For some such an experience leads them to turn away from God. But where does that leave a person?

Others hold on to some belief and that's all. Others find some resolution eventually, without ever losing all the pain.

A good book is 'God On Mute' by Pete Greig, who lost his wife to cancer and whose world fell apart as he once knew it.

John
NZ

 

[Mock]

my world has crashed down like a ton of bricks these last few weeks after watching my 16 year old son die a slow painful death of cancer, he suffered so much and as i am a single parent dad i was the only one to be with him and i never left his side. my faith is smashed now as i think if there is an all loving god who saves people then why not save my son ? my son was the kindest kid in the world always thinking of others and even to the end was thinking about me.

there is just no sence to this and my feeling of anger is such that if there is a god then when its my turn to die i will beat the hell out of him and make him or her or it suffer like my son did i grew up to belive in being good kind and help others in this cruel world as it is today my son was so loved and yet this kind of thing happens to many people its just all so unfair to watch others live a good happy life never knowning what its like to suffer why on earth does this go on why carnt we just leave in a peaceful world without the suffering ? and when we die then just let us die of old age without suffering ? if god is all powerful and loving and kind then surely he would have to the power to grant that to us all ? hence my faith now is smashed as i dont have the answers and never will have

Well first off we were not ment to be on this earth, were ment to be in heaven. I know the grief of losing someone. Not a son in particular but I get it. Your son should be in a better place Heaven. That's what it's all about, not living a good peacul life on earth. Their were many people in the bible who lost their families because God knows the bigger picture. I can't say what God does and does not do. Being good and kind and doing good deeds aren't gonna get ya into heaven. Having a relationship with Jesus and believing in him and giving your life to him to preach the gospel.

I know it's hard to lose someone and it's hard to understand why but obviously you never knew God if your giving up on him. I could see of you asking God why, but to doubt his existence shows you never knew him. I am truley sorry for your loss but don't give up on God. Maybe this is a time in your life to truly ask God for a true revelation and cry out to him in a non blaming angerful way.


And I doubt bible study and fellowship are going to help as some suggested. Good lord. A hobo could do that and walk out learning some new scriptures.

 

[Searching For Truth]

Matthew 27:46

King James Version (KJV)

46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?


As I held my 52 yr old fathers head in my hands as he took his last breath after losing his battle with cancer I shared some of those exact feelings you are having. I believe it is OK to question God. As we see in this verse even Jesus the only begotten Son of God questioned God and felt that God had forsaken Him, just as you may be feeling right now that God has forsaken you. But we know that God didn't forsake Jesus and neither has he forsaken you! I have no answer as to why we suffer, and there are things I see that make no sense. I don't understand how bad people live to be old and the innocent die young or why some children starve to death while some people over eat to the point of bringing on bad health. One thing is for sure and that is this is a cruel and unjust world!!! I just went to my friends wake yesterday she was 37 and lost her battle to cancer. Every time I see the pain death brings on it makes me to question. I gave her husband and 12 yr old daughter a Hug and couldn't help but feel there pain as now she has to continue life without her mother, and Him without his Wife/ High School sweet heart.



There is Good news in all of this though, no matter how angry you are or how much you want to hate God at this moment he still loves you unconditionally and is still there with you holding you tight wanting you to look to Him for comfort. Nothing anyone has to say can ease your pain. But I believe if you trust in God and turn to him for comfort only he can help.



I just wanted to leave you with this. Is this the reaction your son would have wanted to see from his father? I hope your son believed in God and Jesus sacrifice for him. and If he did, by you wanting to say there is no God would be to say your son believed in vain and cried out to God in vain. Trust that God is there to comfort your son, as he is with you wanting to comfort you, but you must let Him. Trust in God, cry out to him, and I pray he will heal your wounded heart.

 

[Chaplain David]

phoenixden
this is the type of thing i expect from people who brainwash themselves into beliving so strongly just imagine if you had gone through what i have or worse you was just 16 years old and it was you who went through the pain and suffering. do you honestly belive you would sing praise the lord or halaluja ?

sadly this small mindedness and rejection of anything that isnt written is where i lose the plot. only a sick mind would let someone die so badly and expect people to be grateful to the lord. sorry but if there is a god and i die and meet him i will hurt him as badly as he allowed my son to hurt that might not be a nice thing for me to say but i am being honest about how i feel right now. and with all the suffering that is going on daily in the world its clear to see why people dont belive anymore and i very much doubt i will ever again get down on my knees and pray beliving in a loving kind sprit i dont want to start world war 3 over it i just can not see anymore other than what has happend to me and my little lad and i would suggest that maybe if something like this had happend to you then you might understand where i am coming from sorry for my views i dont mean to anger or upset anyone

If someone is not consoling you during your time of need or worse, is critisizing you in your grief I wouldn't give them a second of your time. I would just ignore them. Almost everyone in your thread has been supportive of you and that is the right thing to do.

You will find a pm from me in your inbox. Once again, I a so very sorry for your loss. I know you don't want to hear it but I'm praying for you and your family.

Faithfully,
CH Sacerdote

 

[JustAnotherAbdullah]

my world has crashed down like a ton of bricks these last few weeks after watching my 16 year old son die a slow painful death of cancer, he suffered so much and as i am a single parent dad i was the only one to be with him and i never left his side. my faith is smashed now as i think if there is an all loving god who saves people then why not save my son ? my son was the kindest kid in the world always thinking of others and even to the end was thinking about me.

there is just no sence to this and my feeling of anger is such that if there is a god then when its my turn to die i will beat the hell out of him and make him or her or it suffer like my son did i grew up to belive in being good kind and help others in this cruel world as it is today my son was so loved and yet this kind of thing happens to many people its just all so unfair to watch others live a good happy life never knowning what its like to suffer why on earth does this go on why carnt we just leave in a peaceful world without the suffering ? and when we die then just let us die of old age without suffering ? if god is all powerful and loving and kind then surely he would have to the power to grant that to us all ? hence my faith now is smashed as i dont have the answers and never will have

Peace be upon you my brother in humanity!

I've never been through what you went through nor have I been through anything even close --- So I am in no way, shape, or form qualified to tell you anything; but it's my duty to try to tell you a few words that may comfort you.

We have to view this life as a life that goes by in a heartbeat. This life is simply the waiting room for eternity. God tests our faith in Him through various ways in our life. We can't lose faith; because that's exactly what the devil wants of us.

You ask why can't we all just live happy? This life isn't meant to be perfect. There's too many things that make it that way. People aren't perfect - they are rather evil, at times.

God had a plan for your son and He only gave him 16 years to live in this world. Maybe it was better for him to go. Maybe if he stayed in this world any longer; he would have gone off track and gotten mixed up with the wrong people. Maybe he would have earned God's anger because of something he did later in life. God knows why He took him now, rather than later in life.

Remember when Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son? He was willing.

Maybe this is a test from God to you to see if you would be like his Prophet Abraham or if you would let satan lead you astray.

I pray for God to give you and your family patience.

God bless.