bratty children misbehaving, no discipline

[TamaraLynne]

I grounded my oldest years ago and he went to the teachers and said I was keeping him a prisoner in the home...his grounding was only two weeks and from just one friend...he could use the phone, computer and go out with his other friends in that two week period...but he acted like I had him locked up in the house....the teachers were very worried.

 

[ebia]

You are one teacher out of millions...but...I stand corrected by a teacher.

I have eight children....and the day my daughter came home from school telling me her teacher told her to call 911 if our parents spanked them..

So that would be another teacher who doesn't think it is helping...

I think it has gone to far...

you say that the children who misbehave come from violent homes....I think a part of the equation of what is going on is missing....My generation was spanked....we were very good in school besides an occasional paper airplane or spitball...oh...well I'm not one hundred percent honest...we got very loud before class when a substitute teacher was there....but usually the class settled down after a few minutes...

but what my kids tell me as far as kids at school...it is a whole different world from what I experienced as a child.

These kids are products of time outs...how can that be explained? Could it be media? rapidly rise in divorce? both parents working? lack of attention? Something ?

1. Every generation for more than 2000 years has thought the current youth worse then they had been as kids. It seems to be a consistent misperception more than anything else.
2. The background culture has changed. Hitting kids is not going to change that or balance it.
3. The world has changed. Our schools were designed for the needs of the 19th century.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Explain something to me.

I was spanked as a child. I even got the belt and the wooden spoon occasionally.

Yet, I do not believe that violence is a "solution".

Where's your theory now?

If you could get out of the mindset that spanking = violence, then maybe we could have a rational discussion about it. Stop thinking of it in television terms.

 

[ebia]

Explain something to me.

I was spanked as a child. I even got the belt and the wooden spoon occasionally.

Yet, I do not believe that violence is a "solution".

It seems you do - you're advocating it as such.

 

[Skaloop]

Explain something to me.

I was spanked as a child. I even got the belt and the wooden spoon occasionally.

Yet, I do not believe that violence is a "solution".

A less intense form of violence is still violence, so yes, you apparently do.

Where's your theory now?

Same place it was before. You can't support the position that you don't believe violence is the solution merely by excluding the type of violence you advocate.

If you could get out of the mindset that spanking = violence, then maybe we could have a rational discussion about it. Stop thinking of it in television terms.

Can you get out of the mindset that spanking =/= violence? Stop thinking of it in semantic terms.

 

[TamaraLynne]

So that would be another teacher who doesn't think it is helping...


1. Every generation for more than 2000 years has thought the current youth worse then they had been as kids. It seems to be a consistent misperception more than anything else.
2. The background culture has changed. Hitting kids is not going to change that or balance it.
3. The world has changed. Our schools were designed for the needs of the 19th century.

suicide in my time was not a popular thing,bullying was not popular(it happened occasionally)
cutting was not even heard of.....
What exactly are these children crying out for? Is this the new generation?
Children swearing at teachers was ALMOST non existent...

What is going on?

I have seen very good loving parents in anguish wondering where they went wrong and everyone is still pointing the finger at them...even though they don't spank...but...thats in my little neck of the woods...I can't say what is going on in other places.

 

[ebia]

suicide in my time was not a popular thing,bullying was not popular(it happened occasionally)

Suicide rates have changed.

Bully hasn't. It was as least as bad in the past if not worse. But it was largely ignored - kids were told to toughen up.

cutting was not even heard of.....
What exactly are these children crying out for? Is this the new generation?
Children swearing at teachers was ALMOST non existent...

We were as inclined to swear at teachers as the students I teach now are.

What is going on?

I have seen very good loving parents in anguish wondering where they went wrong and everyone is still pointing the finger at them...even though they don't spank...but...thats in my little neck of the woods...I can't say what is going on in other places.

Not spanking isn't in itself a solution to parenting It's just the abandonment of a non-solution.

 

[TamaraLynne]

Suicide rates have changed.

Bully hasn't. It was as least as bad in the past if not worse. But it was largely ignored - kids were told to toughen up.


We were as inclined to swear at teachers as the students I teach now are.



Not spanking isn't in itself a solution to parenting It's just the abandonment of a non-solution.

From what I have seen...I say you are wrong!

My children came home after riding the bus for the first time and they were mortified at all the children swearing at each other...now they take it in stride and when they are at school...they now swear in conversation with their friends. As far as I know they don't swear at the teachers but my kids are honest as far as "everyone swears"

This was not...I repeat...NOT something that was common while I was growing up.They are not allowed to swear at home. They are respectful for the most part...they have tested the waters in that area and know that I will not tolerate it or they will be raking the yard.

I don't spank.....when my children were very little they got the soft spankings....but that stopped pretty much before kindergarten.

You can't in one breath say that it is a new generation and then in the next say that it has always been the same.

You can't tell me it is just my imagination either as far as the difference in how children behave today...because it is different.

 

[TamaraLynne]

I have been completely honest and up front about what I have seen.

I'm not an expert in psychology ...I'm just an ordinary person and we could go round and round on this. It is getting late and I've pretty much exhausted my thoughts on this subject....vented would be the more appropriate word.

I bid you good night and may peace and blessings be in your path. If I have offended anyone I apologize. I am not offended by anyones views but I am troubled..trying to see what others see but it would be easier if real life experience and personal honesty from ones own experience was pointed out instead of the same phrases.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

It seems you do - you're advocating it as such.

It seems I don't, since I don't believe spanking is violence.

Smacking a kid across the face is violence. Shoving them into a wall is violence.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

Suicide rates have changed.

Bully hasn't. It was as least as bad in the past if not worse. But it was largely ignored - kids were told to toughen up.

Hmmm...I tend to think too that the definition of bullying has changed and evolved. Bullying when I was in school was physical for the most part. These days, a lot of bullying is verbal, and I don't always believe that it should be considered bullying. Of course, I realize that's a pretty unpopular stance to take, but then again, I was also the sufferer of much bullying growing up. But the bullying I endured then wouldn't make the newsroom these days because I was white, a girl and a heterosexual.

We were as inclined to swear at teachers as the students I teach now are.

I think that depends on where you went to school. The kids that attend the high school I went to are far worse than my generation ever was.

Not spanking isn't in itself a solution to parenting It's just the abandonment of a non-solution.

Perhaps its a non-solution to you, but I can honestly tell you that my children have NEVER repeated the offense for which they were spanked for. If you ask them, they'll tell you why what they did was wrong. That's definitely a solution as far as I'm concerned. But as I've pointed out, spanking is reserved for HUGE issues. Smaller issues are resolved with time-outs and privileges being taken away. But as Tamara pointed out, even those disciplines come under fire.

Everyone thinks they know how to parent everyone else's kids.

 

[ebia]

It seems I don't, since I don't believe spanking is violence.

Smacking a kid across the face is violence. Shoving them into a wall is violence.

You don't believe all violence is justified (does anybody). But you do believe some violence is justified - and then try to redefine the word violence to not include that.

 

[Skaloop]

Perhaps its a non-solution to you, but I can honestly tell you that my children have NEVER repeated the offense for which they were spanked for.

Not in front of you or that you know about.

 

[ebia]

Hmmm...I tend to think too that the definition of bullying has changed and evolved. Bullying when I was in school was physical for the most part. These days, a lot of bullying is verbal, and I don't always believe that it should be considered bullying. Of course, I realize that's a pretty unpopular stance to take, but then again, I was also the sufferer of much bullying growing up.

When I was at school - or my patents were at school for that matter - there was a mass of verbal bullying. It just wasn't labeled as such so often. Now we recognise it for what it is and deal with it.

Perhaps its a non-solution to you, but I can honestly tell you that my children have NEVER repeated the offense for which they were spanked for.

IF that's true it would be unusual to the point of unique.

Everyone thinks they know how to parent everyone else's kids.

Sometimes they are right.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

And sometimes they are very wrong..usually when they don't have children of their own.

My kids certainly are not perfect, but they're not violent and we have very few issues with them.

And honestly, when they do have issues, it's usually because we're expecting too much from them.

So I stand by the notion that we're disciplining them correctly. You should just remove the neanderthalic image of spanking you seem to have, because that's not how it's done.

 

[jpcedotal]

And sometimes they are very wrong..usually when they don't have children of their own.

My kids certainly are not perfect, but they're not violent and we have very few issues with them.

And honestly, when they do have issues, it's usually because we're expecting too much from them.

So I stand by the notion that we're disciplining them correctly. You should just remove the neanderthalic image of spanking you seem to have, because that's not how it's done.

+1

 

[jpcedotal]

Not in front of you or that you know about.

That is a weak and a sure sign of bad parenting. If you are good parent, you keep tabs on your children while they are away from you and I know about 90% of what my child does and says when he/she are not with me.

Most adults will tell you when your child is well-mannered and respectable, especially nowadays since so many kids are not...it is like a shock to them. And, I ask how my child did every time they are left with another adult, you can tell if you child did something wrong just by how the adult answers...then I ask my child very seriously overstating that lying to me would be a bad idea.

 

[TamaraLynne]

Its very hard for me to keep tabs on my children while they are at school interacting with their friends. I know for a fact that they swear while with their friends at school because they have siblings that tell on them. They do it to appear cool with their friends. I know teen girls and facebook can get filled with drama that is shocking. I caught my now 16 year old on facebook and yes I read all that was wrote on her facebook and not only did I correct her but I asked her to imagine that Jesus was inside the other person she was fighting with and he was sad with both of them. She thought about it and did a complete 180 and she apologized to the girl she was fighting with. They became friends

I know that I was very well behaved as a child and also very shy. I saw myself as a weak person and life was very very hard for me. So of course I taught my children to not be shy and to not be afraid and to speak their mind. Of course I got my hands full now.
As parents we want to raise our children to be happy fully functioning adults who will love God and others. Sometimes we raise them differently then we were raised ourselves so they do not have what we consider our shortcomings. Sometimes in this very busy world we might zone out for a while until we are snapped into attention by a childs outburst.

Basically what I'm getting at is I'm not always a good parent....but I really try.

 

[Skaloop]

So I stand by the notion that we're disciplining them correctly. You should just remove the neanderthalic image of spanking you seem to have, because that's not how it's done.

Then how is it done?

 

[TamaraLynne]

Then how is it done?

This word just came to mind

Goad | Define Goad at Dictionary.com

I wonder if the thorn in pauls flesh might have something to do with being goaded...no matter how many times something is explained it is like no one listens...its like arguing relentlessly until everyone is exhausted.