So I've been struggling with OCD for the last year and I really struggle with the thought that God hates me or that grace has passed me by or that I'm not sorry for my sins or whatever it is. This leads me to the place of not being able feel or see God in my life at all. It breaks me because before this I still struggled with sin but it was all about Christ and my faith was on fire. Now I feel like I've been in the dark for a year. I feel so hopeless and now I feel that God has forsaken me and I won't have the opportunity to repent. I was saved when I was 12 or so I thought. A year ago before this started Christ changed my life and I loved it and now I feel that God is cold shouldering me. Is this my OCD or is this a real spiritual issue. I want Jesus. Not just his gifts. I want him. To commune with him and to walk with him. Basically I hate this stuff and the way it makes me perceive the Lord. I no longer can gain any reassurance of salvation or sorrow for sin. I feel like the lord has given up on me or I missed the boat some how. Any response is appreciated. Thanks.