Why is virginity mocked?

[blarg the 2nd]

I really, really, really do not understand this. Why is virginity mocked and made to be "lame" or some nonsense? What is so bad about having never had sex? Why is it something that must be "fixed" or "cured"? I really don't get it.

Rant over.

it should only be mocked for pepole like me who want sex but cant get it. if you dont want sex thats ok i guess unless i want sex wiht you theen its not ok wiht me at all but i relaise that only aplies to my perspective

and if i was impartiel it would be ok

 

[briareos]

I really, really, really do not understand this. Why is virginity mocked and made to be "lame" or some nonsense? What is so bad about having never had sex? Why is it something that must be "fixed" or "cured"? I really don't get it.

Rant over.

More importantly... why does it matter to you what people who don't care about you think?

People who don't care about you don't deserve this much of your emotion and consideration. Forget about them and be strong in yourself. You have no need to justify yourself and when you attempt to you only assert that they have a legitimate cause against you. The only reason you would need to understand them or justify yourself to them... would be that they do infact have a good reason and they have unseated you from your self confidence. Don't allow that.

Stupid people will be stupid and stupidity doesn't deserve research and endeavor or justification.

 

[acropolis]

Thousands of years ago it was imperative that societies regulate the birthrate to avoid starvation via overpopulation. They dealt with this by creating necessary rituals to be allowed to procreate which were controlled by the elders of the group. These practical laws were internalized by people and they began to attach moral value judgments to those who broke these laws. Because those societies were patriarchal they placed the blame on the woman for breaking these laws, so the value of a woman because attached to her 'purity' and for some reason modern-day idiots still think any of this matters. The attitudes that a woman's value is diminished by sexual behavior while a man's is improved is still alive and well, sadly, though it will hopefully be eroded to the point of no longer existing in the future.

 

[quatona]

I really, really, really do not understand this. Why is virginity mocked and made to be "lame" or some nonsense? What is so bad about having never had sex? Why is it something that must be "fixed" or "cured"? I really don't get it.

Rant over.

Since I don´t tend to ask people for the amount of their sexual experience they would have to give me this unasked for information before I could mock them.
So, the first question for me: Why would someone consider their virginity my business?

 

[rsduncan]

...

 

[homeofmew]

I think in the current cultural view it's a part of "growing up" or becoming an adult.
Like the phrase "I'll make you a woman" usually comes up in media where the girl is about to loose her virginity. I see where you are coming from but yeah I don't see how it can be coined as "bad".. More as current society kinda expects you to have sex by a certain age. that's how I see it as.

"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter."
Isaiah 5:20

 

[Larry Mondello]

Since I don´t tend to ask people for the amount of their sexual experience they would have to give me this unasked for information before I could mock them.
So, the first question for me: Why would someone consider their virginity my business?

It's never a good idea to tell people you are (or are not) a virgin.
Or your sexual experience.

From reading internet forums, seems some "inexperienced" guys are scared women, once they learn they're virgins, esp. if they're virgins in their late 20s and 30s, they have this irrational fear women will laugh at them or think less of them.

Understand some "Christian" women feel this way too. They want the guys they date to have some "experience," which I think is odd.
Would think a "Christian" woman would value a guy who didn't have sex yet, and was waiting for the right one, didn't feel comfortable getting sexually involved outside of marriage bec. of religious and other reasons, etc.

Maybe it's that way for those Christian gals who only have eyes for the "bad boys..."
They seem to be Christians and all, attending church, but pass-over or say no to the Christian guys they know and only pursue those "bad boys" who could care less about their girl's religious views.....
Those girls' bodies are the only thing those guys are interested in...

 

[Larry Mondello]

The above, this is all very new to me, and odd, as I always viewed sex as a serious thing. Even a "sacred" thing.

FULL DISCLOSURE:
Lost my virginity in HS @17-18 before I became of faith in college @19....
Though only had sex maybe 3X then, that was wayyyyyyyyyyyy too early and one of my biggest life regrets.

Considered myself a "reborn virgin..."
I know that sounds odd coming from a man, but I lived like a virgin for most of my 20s.

Honestly, I never thought "less" of virgin women I dated (There's little way of knowing that confidential information, esp. in early dating).
Would have preferred dating and marrying women who were virginal or had very little experience, the latter being like me....

And I certainly wouldn't have snickered had I learned a guy I knew hadn't "gotten any" yet...

 

[Javanwarbler]

I really, really, really do not understand this. Why is virginity mocked and made to be "lame" or some nonsense? What is so bad about having never had sex? Why is it something that must be "fixed" or "cured"? I really don't get it.

Rant over.

Yeah!! Why is that? (Though I do think American pop culture has really influenced this). I'm one, and I sense the "oh my gosh that's so wierd :o" feeling from people, esp. that im older. I mean, it is a bit unusual and rare at 39! I'm just trying to be smart about something (sex)that has a lot of regrets, hurt, and anger tied to it. I don't regret not having sex yet because I simply haven't met the right man to have it with! Even though there were a couple times it was really really hard, I sensed even at those moments, I wouldn't feel very good about it or wished I waited.
But this has been just my personal decision/experience and one size doesn't fit all! My experience is going to be different than someone else's, so it's wrong for me to say for people to do otherwise. It's just hard living in a society where it is so rare. One BIG reason for my actions is the Bible being pretty clear on its stance of sex before marriage, though another would be fear of STD, and of the act itself even. I also don't want to just 'give myself away' to someone who might take advantage of that or especially when it isn't the right relationship in the first place. I have gotten pretty physically close to the few boyfriends in the past, and i wish I hadn't done that. I've had to work through a lot of issues and God has really helped me with it and I give Him the credit for healing me of a lot of the pain from past relationships. Even though i didn't ever have sex, I still felt i gave away pieces of myself in relationships that weren't meant to be, or was never meant for the person and i to have gone as physically far as we did. So I had to work through that baggage. I was the one carrying all this guilt.

Honestly, when it boils down to it, it doesn't matter. We all have sin, whether it's violence, sexual, stealing, being greedy, murder, whatever. It's all the same in God's Book. But we were bought back by Christ and so it doesn't matter what we did in the past because He forgave us and made us white as snow. He makes things new, so this blasts (or should!) any feeling or "holier than thou" attitude that may be present or could creep up in the pro-virginity camp. There are people with colorful sexual pasts i know, but came to Christ and were made new and got married in a white dress. This is great and should be this way. Its a testament and example to how God works through and with people where they are at, and made them into new creatures through Him! And anyway, that virgin may be struggling with inner sin that the person with the colorful sexual history has already dealt with or doesn't struggle with.

If that (the feeling or "holier than thou" attitude that may be present or could creep up in the pro-virginity camp) happens, then those people are judging and it would be that case of Matthew 7:3 of a person "seeing the speck in another's eye and not the log in their own." And John 8:7-'let he who has no sin can cast the first stone" in the story abouthe woman who was going to be persecute for, ironically, her sexual actions! Jesus didn't judge her.

 

[sandwiches]

I really, really, really do not understand this. Why is virginity mocked and made to be "lame" or some nonsense? What is so bad about having never had sex? Why is it something that must be "fixed" or "cured"? I really don't get it.

Rant over.

It's evolution. Humans, like every other living organism have a biological imperative to spread their genes and the best way to do this is to have sex. We developed the need and want for sex as it is an advantageous trait to have. That is those organisms with a high sex drive have a higher chance of having their genes passed on to the next generation than those of an organism with low sex drive. After all, a life-long virgin will have progeny.

And now, regarding the OP, another way of increasing the chances of your species surviving is to have societal pressure on others. Whether you agree or disagree with this practice of mocking virgins or making virginity seem undesirable is your prerogative, of course, but it is the result of evolution.

Personally, I think we put too much emphasis on virginity (having it or not.) In other words, being a virgin isn't a virtue and neither is not being a virgin. To me, it's just sex. If you've had sex great. If you haven't, I feel you may be missing out, but it's not a big deal either way.

 

[keith99]

The last time I've heard anyone giving a crap about virginity publicly was at a frat party. Somehow it came up, the virgin was a guy and the other guys responded with "that's cool, man."

The last time I witnessed someone get made fun of for being a virgin was in high school, but in high school, you get made fun of for having tied shoes or untied shoes, brown or black or blond hair or red hair, preppy clothes or gothy clothes, bad grades or good grades. Basically, everything is fair game anyway.

Its no shock that there are virgins and non-virgins of all ages and I think most people know this and don't seem to care either way. Its mostly magazine/media editors that write trashy sex articles that pretend to care about someone's virginity.

People are more worried about what other people think of their own virgin status to bother caring about the virgin status of others. I don't think I was ever made fun of either way, but then again, no one cared enough to ask whether or not I was a virgin and I didn't think it was appropriate to advertise.

If someone actually gets made fun of for being a virgin often, it makes me wonder how and why they feel compelled to tell people in the first place. That may have more to do with it than being a virgin.

Bolding mine.

I think you nailed it. And my followup is that perhaps those who have seen virginity mocked are associating with those who brag about being virgins, and that deserves to be mocked, just as much as a 40 year old shoe salesman deserves to be mocked for bragging about scoring 4 touchdowns in a highschool football game.

 

[Larry Mondello]

It's evolution. Humans, like every other living organism have a biological imperative to spread their genes and the best way to do this is to have sex. We developed the need and want for sex as it is an advantageous trait to have.

That is those organisms with a high sex drive have a higher chance of having their genes passed on to the next generation than those of an organism with low sex drive. After all, a life-long virgin will have progeny.

And now, regarding the OP, another way of increasing the chances of your species surviving is to have societal pressure on others. .

With all due respect, that view is almost nonsensical.
Only a backward way of rationalizing things.

Similar to the view that people formed religions primarily to hold people back, and keep them under control, etc.

No one thinks about "spreading their genes" when having sex with someone else. Would be the farthest thing from their minds at the time...


"People have no idea how much damage is done in the universities. Will take a lifetime to undo the damage taught there." -- Dennis Prager.

 

[Jase]

If you are a guy and haven't had sex by the time you're in your mid 20s, you're usually assumed to be gay or socially inept/insecure.

Most people seem to expect you to have sexual experience by your mid 20s. Pursuing a relationship and having the other person find out you're a virgin in your late 20s early 30s usually results in an "Are you serious?!" reaction. This applies in both the straight and gay world.

Without experience, you tend to be viewed as a poor prospect for relationship material. It's pretty frustrating for those who are getting in their late 20s/30s and having to deal with overcoming the stigma.

 

[sandwiches]

With all due respect, that view is almost nonsensical.
Only a backward way of rationalizing things.

Similar to the view that people formed religions primarily to hold people back, and keep them under control, etc.

No one thinks about "spreading their genes" when having sex with someone else. Would be the farthest thing from their minds at the time...

Sorry. Your conscious thinking isn't what dictates everything you do, despite what we'd like to imagine. No one thinks about using ATP, oxygen, and ingested proteins to metabolize them into usable proteins for building cells, yet that's exactly what we are looking for when we're hungry.

We have many biological imperatives as animals and spreading our genes (aka sex drive) is absolutely one of them.

 

[selfinflikted]

If you are a guy and haven't had sex by the time you're in your mid 20s, you're usually assumed to be gay or socially inept/insecure.

Don't be silly. I thought gays were supposed to have had eleventy-hundred sexual partners by the time they are in their mid 20's.

 

[Larry Mondello]

If you are a guy and haven't had sex by the time you're in your mid 20s, you're usually assumed to be gay or socially inept/insecure.

Most people seem to expect you to have sexual experience by your mid 20s. Pursuing a relationship and having the other person find out you're a virgin in your late 20s early 30s usually results in an "Are you serious?!" reaction. This applies in both the straight and gay world.

Without experience, you tend to be viewed as a poor prospect for relationship material. It's pretty frustrating for those who are getting in their late 20s/30s and having to deal with overcoming the stigma.

Guys/ gals,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age.
At 26-27, I dated a 29 and 30 y.o. virgin women and knew guys who remained virgins into their early 30s.
I have a work colleague who's in his 50s and is a virgin, judging by his facebook posts. This guy is well-respected in his field and has a lot of friends, so I don't think there's something wrong with him...

Had limited sexual experience before I met my future wife at 30. 3-4X in HS at 17-18 with same girl, then 2 separate encounters 25-26, but lived like a virgin (mostly by choice and opportunity) through most of my 20s. Yes, both of us (she had only one partner 8-10 yrs. before me) released a lot of pent-up demand 3 mos. after we met.

So..... bec. I had sex too early at 17, that somehow makes me better than a 26-30 y.o. guy or gal who hasn't?

Me having the "I've Had Sex" membership card makes me a better dating prospect?

13 y.o.s now have sex. So they're better than someone at 26 who hasn't given themselves to someone else yet?

There are many misconceptions out there.

Virgins aren't necessarily better than non-virgins.
Those who have had sex aren't automatically superior to the virgins.

Those who try to follow Scripture and wait until marriage or engagement before engaging in intimate acts, I truly respect those.

It's all a matter of opportunities and life choices .... and the kind of person one is.

 

[selfinflikted]

^ I don't think anyone in this thread that claimed that virgins or non-virgins are superior or inferior.

If you want sex, have it. If you don't, don't. Who cares?

 

[sandwiches]

13 y.o.s now have sex. So they're better than someone at 26 who hasn't given themselves to someone else yet?

I think it's this mentality that makes virginity such a hot topic. The idea that you're somehow "GIVING" yourself to someone else; that you're giving up or sacrificing something very sacred and important. If your religious convictions dictate that virginity is indeed something sacred, then good for you. I don't believe that and I don't think being a virgin or not makes a whole lot of difference; there are people who feel superior to others on both sides of this issue.

 

[Larry Mondello]

^ I don't think anyone in this thread that claimed that virgins or non-virgins are superior or inferior.

If you want sex, have it. If you don't, don't. Who cares?

Err...
THREAD TITLE....
"...Why is virginity mocked?"

So mocking is a humble term????

 

[sandwiches]

If you want sex, have it. If you don't, don't. Who cares?

This.

However, to me it's obvious that the issue is more than just people feeling ostracized for their sexual choices, (which by the way, I find a bit ironic considering how much many Christians like to meddle with other people's sexual lives,) it's about people feeling inadequate themselves about their choices and feeling that they have to justify them to everyone else.