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to be a christian and have the messiah delusion

xounstaer

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hi, it's been a while since i posted here.

i have an issue wo which christianity should have an answer or answers.

8 years ago i got into a psychosis which never truly left. it started with thinking god's mind came down into me. which made me think i was jesus returnal and with that the messiah.

i made up a story about a star appearing in the nightsky at a certainer time(my protestant psychologe was even familiar with this theory, or at least he knew what i meant he understood it), pointed out by three wise man on top of a mountain. i even have the greatest names/person like jesus and mozes for that. also when i red lucas it wasnt even so strang after all. then i gazed at that star for three nights in a row. and i rolled into a psychosis which still actually hasnt been ended. though the floride/heaviest parts i have had.

i experienced a lot of things in this psychose and had a great mental activity and saw all kinds of connections. it all began with reading the bible. i litterally lived every word of the new testemoney and also parts of the old testamony. i relived all i ever heard and also what i had red in that starting period.

(sry if i am hard to follow/understand)

this all wouldt be no problem if i could just shake it off. but the fact is that i came to be a christian through my psychosis. but my psychosis never left.

please dont bother with the medical talks that i have heard and how it all come from truamas or other emotions. i know

the problem is that i am trying to be a christian still and read my bible. but i cannot seem to do this without being psychotic.

ever since i had my experience with that star which is also a sun. and then also my experience with the sun. it has been unturnable for me to have all these messianic thoughts.

my experience with our sun, was that i thought i saw the copper snake when i stared at the sun for 5 seconds and saw liquid floating.(i got scared about it..) orange with brown and red. i later on (years later) saw pictures from nasa taken with soem filter which where exactly the same as what i had seen iin reality.

i have witnessed more things which are simply truth instead of delusion. but i learned to think in the way of the psychiatry in which i still reside and have done so for the past 8 years.

at the moment i am busy with working at living on my own. which i hope will succeed. though i am not sure yet. i started this route 1.5 week ago. and after ca 5 moths i am supposed to go and live on my own. but loose from this.

i am struggling with how i am supposed to be a good active christian and how on earth am i supposed to combine that with the psychosis i had and still have. and the things i witnessed within that. and the ongoing prayers i had prayed while i was psychotic.

is praying even real or am i delusional again if i pray for the people on the world to do well. as i did for over 2 years. i even mnemoniced all the prayers i wrote down thousands of times. such as: help, respect, love and treat each otehr well. and other things that i thought where good prayers for everyone. messiah huh :)

i am not expecting a ufo to come. and everyday when i spent time on christianity i may get confronted with people expecting a messiah to come or stand up. i doubt they expect a ufo. i dont know if they even know what they are asking for and what reality will bring eventually then. since god will never come in a ufo. if you know another way besides what i say or a symbolic way. i'd hear it gladly.


now the past months i had been able to talk about christianity on a froum with other christians. i searched for that quite a while. since my passion and my goal lies there. but there is nothing about schizophrenia there and it is a small dutch forum.

i tried to be on other forums but sometimes when i bring this up i am not even allowed to join. i dont know exactly why. but afcourse i get delusional thoughts from that then too.(imagine some real)

i actually dont really know what to do and how i am supposed to remain a christian. i know i believe in christ and in god. last night i thought i was dead again. and i got confronted wether or not i believe in jesus but i guess it is pretty obvious if i look at the past years. i spent every second on jesus the messiah and have had nothing else in my mind.

i wish a person would understand me if i tell how troublish it is to be a second jesus or messiah.

i can think pretty much and pretty serious and it brings a lot of troubles along. because now who is the real one. i believe in me too and with that dont i do jesus wrong? and is jesus still god's only begotten. becuase logically i believe that too.(but jesus made me)

so sometimes it really is a fight. and i think that i must be crusified too. but then again not because jesus allready had been. did i save the 'right' by saving the tail. or did i ruin the tale.

i wish jesus was here with me and knew how hard it is. i know he does. but it's hard to get a word from him (eventough i hear voices but i dont believe i can hear god or jesus) so i turn to you and here at the schizophrenia section.

right now i wont tell of the worse times i have, speaking of suffering..

i just wonder what to do and how i am supposed to live with this so called delusion (i know reality and the medical vieuw, i know...) and be a christian.


my name is stein and i am 26, about to turn 27. and i dont want to give up christianity. my messiah thoughts i dont have a lot of choose in as long as i dont give up christianity. and my behaviour is ok. i know the way 'we' think. but i ask u to imagine what it's like for me when i pray and when i got to bed. instead of what i show on the outside....

(my psyhcose began with a lot of tears over the crusifix and the injustice i saw in that. i was to take it upo with god. and shine a light on the truth)

greets stein
 
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AngeliaBell

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i am struggling with how i am supposed to be a good active christian and how on earth am i supposed to combine that with the psychosis i had and still have. and the things i witnessed within that. and the ongoing prayers i had prayed while i was psychotic.

greets stein

Hey --

I want to say that I am sorry that you are struggling with psychosis but your experience really isn't so strange generally speaking.

Believers who have cancer struggle with reconciling having cancer *and* believing in a God who can heal.

Sickness can be a troubling and painful part of life. But it sounds like you are separating your religious psychosis from your real belief in God as much as you possibly can.

Healing can take a long time. Be patient with yourself as you follow your doctor's recommendation. I believe you can get better and enjoy your religion apart from mental illness.

Plenty of people in the world think that everyone who is religious is suffering from psychosis! :) So you are in good company.

Honestly, we are all struggling with something: sin, pain, disappointment, illness etc. You*are*not*alone. We are all in this together!

Keep up pressing for healing and getting better. You can do this! :)
 
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xounstaer

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yes it's right that i have allready learned how to keep them separated as good as possible.

thank you for your advice to keep pushing for my health. and that i am not alone in this. that comforts me some.

but i dont think i will heal from this delusion further then that i have. everybody i speak and talk to almost always took me for normal. in conversation from man to man you'd hardly notice a thing. but it's more something that bothers just me priveltaly.

everyone i know even thinks it's cool that i somewhat tend to think i am the messiah. and since all medication dont work and i cannot let that thought go. and the beaty of it which keeps me having the thouhgt. (which means keeping right and worthyness alive) maybe it is an idea for me to find out how i am supposed to treat these thoughts surroundding christianity and my messianic delusion.

i mean shouldt i better stop trying to cure from it and start trying to live with it as good/perfect as possible. and try to function as well as i can without tying to give up either one.

i mean take the advantage of it. since it isnt all troublish. the most troubling thing is that i have to say the medication doesnt work since i still back up this thougt and at the same time know that it is sick. and how basicly the doctors and most people think about it's reality.

maybe i am just looking for someone to tell me it isnt wrong to have this thought and way of thinking as long as i communicate well and do good.

maybe that is what has hurt me most of all. that i am called sick because i witnessed beautiful thoughts and facts. one could compare it to jesus 2000 years ago. only a bit different since he wasnt in a medical hospital or in recovery.

but people said he was possesed/sick too and didnt believe him either and eventually he even gave his life for it. and then the comforter came, he stood up from death and may people believed definitely

sometimes i think it's a treasure i carry. people and even the nurses i have met, a lot of them also think that it is great i can think this way and talk about it in a normal way. and people say it certainly is something which belongs to me. (do christians or does jesus think so too?)

i tend to bent the thought into a more understandable sense, saying: i am the center point of my life and to me the world turns around me, and to me it is all about me. to me in a certain way i am the 'only one'. just as you are to you.

and people expect that it is endtimes.
so then i try to explain that there wont be coming a ufo with god and jesus aboard. so that leaves not many other options if one actually wants jesus to return as a man in flesh.

and then if jesus/the messiah would stand up and say he is so. anno 2011; who isnt going to say he should visit a doctor and take medicine.

messiah also means a person who has a message. dont you have a message. i do i am saying it has been finished plus my experience with the sun which makes it extra special again.( and i myself may be a message too)

i guess these thoughts dont count as crazy or delusional so how on earth am i supposed to heal from them. since they are as real as it can get.(the messiah)

and i dont want to loose my faith in jesus and his returnal. where his returnal has to happen to confirm and finish all of it. if he doesnt return then isnt a big part a lie or in other words not fullfilled?

that's where they go had in hand, my psyhcosis and christianity/believing in jesus.

i believe he had to return and i gave up my life for that. and i do not see the/a way back anymore.

so i am glad you compare this with other situations@ angelia bell. but the sad part i guess and think is that you compare it with deceases.

which to me ends up in thinking that if one stands up and say he is jesus/the messiah that he is sick. now if what the person says is true and the othter side considers it as sick then the person obvious has a problem.

get this picture?

it's pretty real to me and i have thought over this many times and i tell anyone who has an ear for it. which goes hand in hand with my believe again. saying i have to witness and i shouldn't keep messages behind when there may be a concern.

"go forth and prophetise"

now i dotn have a christian psychologist who i could talk to this about on a certain level. i wouldnt get much replie. but since this is most definately a christian matter. and christians are to help eachother. that means i expect a hand somewhere.

just one reply like the one above allready made me say all this...

it's like a stone laying on my chest. and i still havent really got it off.

and it hurts me that so many christians over the net/especially staffs dont show real support. or dont even answer mails. if anyone can help me with this it should be fellow believers in christ.

if you know what i mean. i allready take medication and have done all the psychothereapy but obviously i am still somewhat stuck with waht my psychosis began with and what it would be formed into.

i just have learned by instinct too very well what way to talk. even if it is unusual. but actually not much has changed. exept that i am not in the trance of it anymore. and sometimes doubt myself since offcourse it isnt a normal common thought within normal reality.

because it what i say is true in a higher way. saying i am truly the returnal of christ. just imagine who would care about that then. making such kind of claim and statement doesnt easily go without the care of people normally.(sad care usually..)

if i read the bilbe i even know that powerstances and understanding come looking at it as well.

it's like as if with saying all this and stating it i create somewhat of my own downfall if everybody considers it as sick and is against it. just like a long time ago. and what has changed since then than?

i say yes and at the same time then write me off...

if you could think along ty.

after all isnt this something worth some? especially to people who believe in jesus?

as angeliabell says christians/religious people are all somewhat psychotic. the case it was said in is that kind of hand i mean that i ask for. and if this is treu then people may know more about this i am into

i wish to heal and get better but what does that mean clearly? am i on the right way by rationalising what i can and saying we are all somewhat messiah, if one believes so?

what do you think sould i talk more about my believe or watch it.
does jesus think i do it good.(i hope so but i not sure, i dont want to feel more or less worthy then someone else either)

guess my thought are all towards the 'right'
 
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raych

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WoW!!! there's sooo much for you to release huh??

may I give you my take?

right? right? where to start?

The fact that you keep saying 'messiah delusion' is a sign that somewhere deep inside you know IT IS IN FACT A DELUSION!. On the other hand you want to understand it, but the logical path to completely satisfy your mind is not complete, so you keep wondering.

Be firm in the hard fact that IT IS A DELUSION. OK??... (physically your brain is not capable of connecting that train of thought due to chemicals, heightened and dulled senses. Instead your brain will be connecting all sorts of random pieces of information which makes total sense (to you) but don't go there.) - ok maybe you've been told that b4, re-affirm: Your brain will heal! and God he IS with you or you wouldn't have made it this far!!! and even though you believe all this stuff HE UNDERSTANDS it even better than you do. There is one thing you can always trust and that is HIM because unlike us, he never changes.

Another thing I will tell you, that maybe no one has??
You have been attacked by un-explainable forces, 'evil' in nature. A door has been opened that you cannot close unfortunately. I'm sorry because it sux! but you must remain faithful and keep trooping!!! You can overcome, you can increase, you can heal because God loves you and he is in charge.
It’s great that you recognize the voices you hear are not God or angels etc. Know the voices you hear is the opposition. Tell me are the voices repetitive? Are you able to completely block them out? Are you currently taking medication?

Draw close to god as much as possible in the night, in the day stay with the duties in front of you!, do not drift off into your head. If you do let it be in conversation with god.

That star you refer to, do you see it every night? I mean when the clouds aren’t blocking your view?. You can clearly see which star is yours? Hold on to that, this is for you to remember that Jesus is there always. It is like your window to see him.
The moment you had with the star is special but not because you are the messiah (that’s where the opposition want you to stay thinking) it is a window to him, draw comfort from Jesus and God the father from that point in the sky if you need.
If anything I'd say the moments of divinity you've had with the star and the sun, may have been the opposition trying to use you to attain divine universal wisdom. You see they cannot connect to the holy spirit therefore they cannot attain gods transcending wisdom.... well that's my take so farrr.... gtg... pray for you, your environment, the people in it, may everything around you find it's place in your healing!!! Through the holy spirit in Jesus Name may it be sanctioned! all power and glory to God, Amen.....
I didn't quite read all of your second post, will have a look later!!! <3 Life and Life in abundance!!!
 
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raych

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WoW!!! there's sooo much for you to release huh??

may I give you my take?

right? right? where to start?

The fact that you keep saying 'messiah delusion' is a sign that somewhere deep inside you know IT IS IN FACT A DELUSION!. On the other hand you want to understand it, but the logical path to completely satisfy your mind is not complete, so you keep wondering.

Be firm in the hard fact that IT IS A DELUSION. OK??... (physically your brain is not capable of connecting that train of thought due to chemicals, heightened and dulled senses. Instead your brain will be connecting all sorts of random pieces of information which makes total sense (to you) but don't go there.) - ok maybe you've been told that b4, re-affirm: Your brain will heal! and God he IS with you or you wouldn't have made it this far!!! and even though you believe all this stuff HE UNDERSTANDS it even better than you do. There is one thing you can always trust and that is HIM because unlike us, he never changes.

Another thing I will tell you, that maybe no one has??
You have been attacked by un-explainable forces, 'evil' in nature. A door has been opened that you cannot close unfortunately. I'm sorry because it sux! but you must remain faithful and keep trooping!!! You can overcome, you can increase, you can heal because God loves you and he is in charge.
It’s great that you recognize the voices you hear are not God or angels etc. Know the voices you hear is the opposition. Tell me are the voices repetitive? Are you able to completely block them out? Are you currently taking medication?

Draw close to god as much as possible in the night, in the day stay with the duties in front of you!, do not drift off into your head. If you do let it be in conversation with god.

That star you refer to, do you see it every night? I mean when the clouds aren’t blocking your view?. You can clearly see which star is yours? Hold on to that, this is for you to remember that Jesus is there always. It is like your window to see him.
The moment you had with the star is special but not because you are the messiah (that’s where the opposition want you to stay thinking) it is a window to him, draw comfort from Jesus and God the father from that point in the sky if you need.
If anything I'd say the moments of divinity you've had with the star and the sun, may have been the opposition trying to use you to attain divine universal wisdom. You see they cannot connect to the holy spirit therefore they cannot attain gods transcending wisdom.... well that's my take so farrr.... gtg... pray for you, your environment, the people in it, may everything around you find it's place in your healing!!! Through the holy spirit in Jesus Name may it be sanctioned! all power and glory to God, Amen.....
I didn't quite read all of your second post, will have a look later!!! <3 Life and Life in abundance!!!
 
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xounstaer

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first of all thanks for your replie.

i know it is a delusion as i have been told. but somewhere for me it is as simple as; do i act upon it or not. do i choose for it or not. do i believe in it then or not.

and i dont think i will ever fully make the choose 'not' so in a way i still do believe it somewhat. diregarding wether it is a delusion or not. delusion is just a title given to anybody who thinks this or something that looks like and then considered as not true.

but i listen and learn and i love all the vieuws and opinions i have gotten so far.as long as it stays with words that is

and for the understanding and not to sound totally nuts i admit by using the titel 'delusion' for just only the thought of thinking to be the messiah.

but as i said it is not simple to shake it of and i probably never will fully. it has become a part of me. and i am aware it is part of my faith/believe to.


offcourse i was a baby and then a child and then a teenager. and at those times i never thought to be the messiah or the returnal of jesus. while i did allready keep asking in my mind "why me?"

and before i actually started to get into the psychosis/delusion that god god came down in me with which it all seemed te have begon. i used to cry my hart out every night because of the death of jesus. and years before that i prayed to see or meet god.

so it is something that has been with me my whole life i guess. i was allways different and that finally turned out to become a psychosis/delusion to whatever sucumstance.

i loved your post @raych but it does make me think of it that psychosis and deluison is not the exact same. a delusion is usually a specific thought. and psychosis is the train that goes with it.

the delusion can be described as short as the title "i think i am messiah"
however i still know i am stein, and i watch it these days and since i ever got out of the psychosis or stand above it. that i do not make stupid claims or make myself sound dumb, or at least that's what goes with it. if i am not clear

when i really be fair that words can be left out indeed just as thoughts. clearing the statement. and leaving me here unable to talk then. maybe a smiley would suit, am sorry but what if i just leave the word messiah out; would it change anything?

and i do not walk around as if i am the messiah. but i can be openharted about it.

believe me i am not trying to convince anyone (that's nuts offcourse) but i am trying to find out how i can give this thought the right place. since the word messiah wont go out of the world. and then when and if i hear it i will always. link it this way "if there is only one messiah on earth atm it is me" or "everybody is a messiah"

and if said the messiah was jesus and has allready been here then i am with the problem that i think i am the returnal of jesus in flesh. and then i say the same. and as i said i do believe the or a messiah exist. meaning that the whole concept is not a fairytale. otherwise i would and could shake it off by just saying that the whole idea of massiah has been made up and that messiahs dont exist. and again if jesus was the one messiah. he was to return not to forget in flesh as a human.

which leads me then to everyone may believe it or i just believe it tehn that i am the ruturnal of christ in flesh.(or some)

thsi picture is clear to me. and is maybe partly an answer to my struggle.

the rest i think it is nasty to have these thoughts that come lurking aroudn the corner. which belong to psychosis. i dotn have them much anymore. and just fear and feeling unhappy in situations is what's left of it. but i was like that far before my pschosis.

and you dont have to be sick to have e certain delusion. though it can become sick or be called sick. but people who are in good health may also have one or more delusions.

i bet there may even be people who are healthy who also consider to be the messiah. and them is healthy..

so the point that's left is that i am not healty i guess.

i find trouble being active or taking care of my own. and i find trouble in the sense of feeling uncomfortable among other people, with the necesary thoughts.

i's say those are the black powers, the negativity. the many ideas that fly through my mind which i have to keep and try to stand above.

am i making sense?

for the sun. it was a unique thing i am witness of. if it can happento me who knows it has happened before or will happen again. but that was an overwelming vision which i wouldt want to describe as from a dark force.

maybe the thoughts i had about it where from the darkness. but the vision alone was just seeing the orangy liquid flowing for a moment or two.

the star i have never seen again. but i know it's is probably still there where i saw it for the first time. it was when i lived with my grandmother. and it stood above the old coal house which i was using as bedroom.

but it's mainly the sun which enables me to keep some sort of faith in these matters as with the star too, alive.

(i havent seen that star again, maybe if i go back to that place at the right timing i wll see it again. though i got the picture in my mind. and i look at the stars still, though a bit less then i used too)


but i beleve i wanted to say that my experience where amazing and that the opposition is not in the experience on it's own. that i cant believe.

what i can believe is that all the negative symptoms/thoughts comes from the opposition.

and maybe thinking i am messiah is also from the opposition. in fact it would change much about me if i dont somewhat think i am the messiah.
it just change my confession about it sort a say.

i have had two period since i got ill when i had repetative voices. blocking out that doenst work. but when i am good it dont bother me much.

did i say i take medication? well yes i do but as i can see too it doesnt do much about how i think about this messiah delusion. i also told that to the psychiater. and they say the most important thing is that i do good, feel good and behave right. since medication cannot take away this delusion. which can go without psychosis.

it would be as if i may no longer think i am stein, which i really am.
that sounds stupid i guess coz that makes it sound i really think i am the messiah. but i try to explain that madication doesnt work against concreet statements or written lines. maybe it should but it does not fully.

i still believe...in jesus too and in god and the holy spirit as well.

this may sound stupid but imagine that i wasnt sick and i stated:

i am the messiah. why wouls that be a lie and why would this not be a lie:
i have the holy ghost in me.

both you cannot prove or disprove. all you can do is agree or disagree. believe or dont.

i am glad though you brought up 'dark forces' and the 'opposition'. because that made me think. that my main problem is maybe not just that i leave in the middle wether i am the messiah or not. or that i sometimes think so. and tell that i think so in my way. which i explained allready mostly in the posts so far.

i am glad i get to share. and learn.

let me ask you a question:

do you find it bad that i say that i think somewhat that i am the messiah.
is it wrong in your eyes? as in a lie or sick?

and what do you think as christian the point of vieuw should be?

;)

ps my goal is not to convince anyone
 
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raych

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I under estimated how deep you are.
I'm hearing you say you've been told it's a delusion but you can't bring yourself to believe what your being told. This is normal, most people including myself have to figure it out things for themselves.
I understand it is not easy to shake off. But declaring that you probably "never will fully" isn't going to help you. Be open.
The decision is not shall I act on it or not?. The decision is do you want to be healed??. Believe for healing.

I'm gonna tell you something someone told me years ago.... "GET A LIFE!!".

It's hard to hear and you may not want to receive it, but Stein you need to GET A LIFE!

It's plain and simple YOUR NOT THE MESSIAH, YOUR NOT JESUS.
You are Stein a child of god like everyone else on the planet, you are precious and special and I'm betting you have practical talents and gifts to share with others. Quite frankly all the hocus pocus talk isn't gonna do any good. You have a purpose and dwelling on these things will not do any good.

Of course you are chosen!! unlike any one else!! because that's how awesome God is. His love is so great it can make you feel awesome and above this world 'special'.
You'll feel like his special one!! This is Gods love!!
It has nothing to do with who you are or what you do. It is HIS grace, don't allow any trickery. It is all by god's grace! This is what he has for everyone, Thanks to his one and only perfect son Jesus. This 'feeling of grandness' is available for everyone. Put all the focus on how good God is to chose you to be his!....
Why you?? Because that's God's grace extended to you! He hasn't chosen you to deliver mankind it's already done... As he hung on the cross his last breathe uttered 'it is finished'. What god started @ genesis he finished through his son Jesus. The thing you can do is spread that news. The good news. Jesus came so you could live life and life in abundance, so do that..... Live life in abundance

Get practical, constructive, don't think while your brain is not well, just do stuff. Keep yourself occupied. You've probably been told that. But it's true. Exercise your brain in healthy ways such as cross words, sudoku, puzzles. Don't sit around watching stuff, don't look for signs of any kind.

Think of your brain like a file cabinet and the files are all out of order, you need to re-order the files. It will take sometime but it will be worth it when you overcome all this psychosis nonsense. Reject it my friend. Embrace whats healthy.

Good foods for good moods even, diet can play a big role in healing. Eating the right things at proper times. Watch what you let in your mind when it comes to media/ music etc. Make sure it is constructive, healthy, happy stuff. Find soothing music. I can suggest Brooke Fraser 'what to do with daylight'. Perhaps a trip back in time by watching your favorite movies as a child and listening to music from your youth can re-trigger how you used to feel? but again pick only the healthy good stuff.

Anyhow I know you'd probably rather decipher this and that of the psychosis/ revelations/ visions etc but I do believe that is best left for when your physical self is in tip top condition. Try concentrate on the tasks you have at hand, see if you can still and quiet your mind at times, constantly talk to god. Make sure you do all the physically healthy things. kk gtg <3
 
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raych

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Oh to answer your last question what do I think about your 'delusion'....

I think it's sad... you seem like a good person and you are struggling with this. I don't think you are lying I know you believe it. I believe you have been tricked into believing you are the messiah. I am sad for you but I am hopeful and I believe in healing.

Personal confession now. At 21 I had full on psychosis and I understand what you are going through, I understand the thoughts of grandeur, the logical trains of thought, the revelations, the visions, so much overwhelming information, the swollen mind. All of it I declare JUNK!. Not helpful at all, yet on the other hand all of it I declare a blessing because my wisdom feels so much broader for it. You can only do what you can do. Invoke healing and a righteous path by the grace of God.

I overcame the psychosis/schizophrenia and live a normal life. I am now 30. I am fine, no medication just the grace of god. p.s that doesn't mean I don't believe in the benefits of medication. I do. Everyone has a different path, walk it with god.
 
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xounstaer

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thenk you a lot raych, your post are very helpfull.

i've had those symptoms of greatness in the past and all the floride symptoms.
and i have allready learned to place aal thos thing. as you say too, as it can go for all.


this you say about god dinding me special and so. i guess your very right that it has to do with it. in what way i dont exactly know. but it belongs among putting the delusion in a reality which is realer and exeptable as christian.

messiah is kind of like the title i may have given to it because of those special things and feeling.

if you as me if i am the messiah i will never say just 'yes' i will everytime tell this whole tale and tell you i know it's part of delusion. but that somewher i keep treasuring it in a way. because it's part of being as jesus.

the problem is that messiah has gotr such a great and mysterious meaning. that most people find too too much. probably because it's a one man title..

but all these other things you said i hear well. and i may read it again. i just watned to say that i had the recovery part. and am called a 'model schizo'.

but this specific issue wont go. and i dont say i am not the messiah. and i dont say i am.

i dont expect anyone to believe it since of the load that comes with it. so i loved your post very much. but if you dont uderstand that i allready called it delusion and that that mean i am aware of the fact. but do say "NO ITS A LIE" doesnt do a good thing.

i allready called it a delsuion in the messiah. there cannot be a lie in the.

for the rest thank you a lot @ raych. your advice is very good. but i choose to treasure the thought until i go to heave. and until then i need to learn to or let it rest or deal with it in a correct and rightious normal sense. and do what i need to and be real allways. with the right approach.

also changing the context into i am special and also a son of god through jesus. i think that what im looking for in a hand... and in leaning to deal with it.


i will allways answer this way when i am told it's not rue. then i will say; yes i nkow it's a delusion, but...

and if you say yes.(which i hear a bit less.....) then i' will say not that's not true and will diregard the opinion and i will say but in another context.... and somewhere probably think the person who says so is nuts indeed.

so asying yes or no to this so that i can deal with it is not the answer at all. it's just eat at me.


i love your approach thus.
just dont like choosing a side by definition..sry i cannot betray myself..
but i understand it

ther rest i think i heard you very well. ty a lot

:crosseo:
 
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xounstaer

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i typed a whol emessage but lost it due to a mistake. (pressed the wrong button)

but i wanted to say that it did me good to to read this part:


"Of course you are chosen!! unlike any one else!! because that's how awesome God is. His love is so great it can make you feel awesome and above this world 'special'.
You'll feel like his special one!! This is Gods love!!
It has nothing to do with who you are or what you do. It is HIS grace, don't allow any trickery. It is all by god's grace! This is what he has for everyone, Thanks to his one and only perfect son Jesus. This 'feeling of grandness' is available for everyone. Put all the focus on how good God is to chose you to be his!....
Why you?? Because that's God's grace extended to you! He hasn't chosen you to deliver mankind it's already done... As he hung on the cross his last breathe uttered 'it is finished'. What god started @ genesis he finished through his son Jesus. The thing you can do is spread that news. The good news. Jesus came so you could live life and life in abundance, so do that..... Live life in abundance"

i just wanted ot say it wasnt finished with that, acts just began. and he needs return.

"one and only begotten son"

john 3:16 (thats also the only one i know)

but who would it be then? the returnal of jesus. and we are all begotten sons and daughter here.
my jesus was the first begotten one.

i am sorry, but if there is new wise of thought and matter one should consider revising. eventhough the ghost doenst need a book.

(my first message was better)

try help me, ow yeh the first message i lost was clearly aiming to say that beside my commet now is that the part i qouted really did something good to me.

greets, xs

ps be cool and real about believe...
 
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someguy14

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1 Corinthians 14:33
For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.

James 3:16
For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.

Humbly go to God, and pray for the rest that only He can give.
Thank Jesus for the perfect sacrifice given.

Say,
"God, take all that I have and help me, according to Your will alone."

"Thank You God for caring for me so much and providing strength enough for me to overcome every problem that's attempted to trouble me."

"Please cleanse me and forgive me for anything I have done that isn't according to Your will."

"I need Your help. Your Word, that comforts me, Lord, is my strength."

2 John 1:3
Grace be with you, mercy, and peace, from God the Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
 
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xounstaer

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i have prayed so before when i had it very bad.

sry but i dont exactly get the point where you want to go someguy14.
i've red it well though and it does me good too to pray it.

but to the matter this is about i dont see the clear relevance.

i've had usefull advice so far. to think about the beauty without using the word messiah. which is a terrific advice upon how i allready have death with it.

by placing it correctly in other contexts which really come down to the samen. it's in one of the previous post. it was about; each human is its own. and you are the center and some more. which i figured ou myself..

but i guess it doenst matter so much what the reations be like. all of them will be of use to me. all long as we can talk serious about this.

what am i asking?? i mean, me the messiah yeah right, duh.


no but just consider through the power of believe that this is really an issue to me. which wont ever leave.

think about me, please and how mcuh i allready thought about it and that within all borders of reality.

take the sun. i only had a star and jesus. the star is still there but the sun i will never see the same way.

and then the bible is speaking of visions. there's not one real vision in there. what i saw was real and not nothing.

do you need a small picture showing the surface on the sun? would you even beleve i did see that with my own two eyes without camera?

i know there good and bad. thougts which lead to destruction are bad. thoughts which buil up pretty are good.

well even if nobady can catch me i am glad i got to talk about this. but i promise you if i get a good replie then i might get somewhere in this situation thanks to you.

just imagine you are talking to me for real and understand that i know you too.

dont tell me yes or no dont tell me good or bad. (unless youre right)

you could at least realize that i am very well known with the medical vieuws and the dsm iv ass well. but besides that i am trying to keep believing.

now what is this believing? maybe its a sad strife to believe in life itself and all of it.
maybe i am only sposed to believe as the rest. but that not right.

i look forward to more post on level, understanding we know the holy ghost.
i need no words, not nesecary.

but i want to start gettin gamong people again. and not feeling ashame in the supermarket because i feel noticed.

and maybe regain my intrests in other things besides religion. such as footbal or somethin i am not sure about yet.

i know you, or at least i think i do. if you understand then you may know me too :))

tell me some knowing me i beg you.

i am gonna look if there is something else i wish to talk about
 
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someguy14

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The Holy Bible is our protector, it is The Word of God. So it does help, friend.

Your mention of a supermarket or supermarket in general.

Do not think of people more highly than one ought to.
Who is to say one is better or not better. That is for God alone to say.

Also mention of hearing voices.

If those voices your hearing aren't speaking of good things continually to help and comfort you, they aren't welcome.
God forbid I speak anything that isn't according to God.
Paul mentions that he was given a thorn, a messenger of satan.

God gives us a clear mind, a peaceful mind so that our joy may be strong.

One that attempts to destroy Gods children, brings that destruction upon themselves. They are already defeated by God that freely works inside of us. We havn't any need of fear of them, those attacking have already been defeted by God, and if God has already defeated them, it shows how much power that love gaurds us with.

The Holy Spirit comforts us and brings us closer to God. Reminds us of the goodness of God.

We are given The Holy Scriptures as a gift from God.

2 Cointhians 12:1-10
(Please read and understand through the grace of God)
Humble yourself.

May God bless.
 
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xounstaer

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i've redit someguy14. it's a good text. i am familiar with it. not just because i heard the words. but because or the thorn/angle.

i have suffered a lot to if i say so myself. my life been stolen from me.
i'd be thinking am dead.
my heart would hurt. my brains would feel like as if ist bein gtouched negative.

my organs would act weird.

it's about five days ago now that i feel normal again. after i changed medication. i take them but it does make me feel imperfect or less worthy.

that comes to.

it's not all that easy. but i've been given a gift of believe. and within believe. i've had good times as well. and i saw a real miracle.

not some hallucination or vision as the people know. well i can heve those too, that's easy. i understand to people it may be very real. but i was raised by taking nothing less then solid truth.

that's me, knowing people.



but you're right someguy 14 about the negativity which is also part of my life, or which has a part.

do you think god or christ could take that out?

maybe but i doubt if the way would be for me to ask forgiveness.
i did allready pray whay u said some years ago. i gave up on life at that moment, i surrenderen and kept saying and praying that god would take my life away. since it was not doable with all the pain i felt.

i cried tears when for the first time i felt like somethin gwas trying to puch a hole in my hands. it one of the few only unexplainable pains. there's no way i could be doubtfull about a lot of thing.

god showed me all i needed to see. and i've been deep under and am. yes i am still glad i live. though it can be tough.
truama here trauma there...

finding it different to talk over the internet. but at least i try to keep going. i am in a recovery stage atm and if all goes good i will go live on my own.

í wish i had some more intrests. and some what more of a real life. but i choose my path i guess. for as far as there's choose, even if i did have to decide there not allways more then one good pick.

laughed at, despised, called a liar and devil. beaten up.
his house is a broken home. nose broken.

i may even prefer to be cur of from the fysical world. sure christians are better. not many have showed me so.

the people i know who are good are the fellow clients at this institute. whil ethw world ratels on. and yes if one doesnt feel better one feels worse.

therefor i try to be correct at all time. never stand above a person. be the most humble at my bestat which i have an easy time usually.

but i'd also love to just participate in the more random world.
but instead of that i must watch it. beacuase my every word gives free my thought. and in real life i atract it all. everywhere i tend to atract it.

sure feels so.

but the most sour part is that i dont see much change in over a period of more then a or two thousand years and three days.

and believe for the most people has become only that which has been given by another man. and which must fit your thought otherwise its not true.

nobody would believe him....:holy: but noone will truly listen. and noone even sees it.

if u saw what i mean. then you'd know how harsch it is. or maybe you do and therefor think i make this up? no i know that's not true either.

however so??

i may just as well post everythin gfrom jesaja and some parts of jesus being against the pharisees. and nothin gwill have changen literally.

and that hurts so hard ehen it is fellow believers in jesus the one i love greatly. therefor i try to seek you and be among you.

but when i open my mouth, what am i supposed to say or not say?
i guess it would at least be easier if we where aware of eachother, one another.

instead of playing good and bad. or hadicapped and healthy.
where has the believe gone of jesus and of paul. i havent seen many walkin garound with it.

all they perform is the cross so thay will get to heaven. but proclaiming on the streets that we are all saviours. and that you are a prophet/disciple/priest. or any or the good things i dont hear a lot.

and that makes me sad. especially if peopl ego and expect for me to flattened. and addept to the standard ways.

there are some people though who know i mean what isay.

when i talk of the copper snake. and that i was scared people would be against me, so i ran of to the closed department. and it aint all so much fun. when everybody tries to ruin you and say youre delusional. while i've seen facts.(you go to a ceel and if you have good luck they wont inject you. you done nothing for real.)

believe is believe and should be free.
and i hope its talkable without strains. but with love.

i've allready learned myself a lot. untill i went still and silencent. and thought i knew al words. ..what was it? could've been all or anything...

x

but i need to pick up my life. and this life i have atm the positive i mean. will go with me. otherwise i dont see a use, not really.

it's also better if i dont have kids. and then again i know abraham well enough. and i even figured it myself allready.

it's wonderfull how i even got further asured of al the theorys's/thoughts in my mind (i dont call thoughts visions..) i dont recall thinking anything the bibel doesnt back up. so thats good to know.

i took it.

"do i believe?" get the word
"adress and go"

what should i do, i try but this issue wont just go. it's even a source known. it just has a name i then shouldn mention. and just use words such as 'special'

:idea:
 
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dabro

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I struggled alot with the same thing. I thought the sun was a round window looking into Heaven. I thought I was Jesus and saw Jesus. This all kick started me faith into what I deal with today which is OCD. I have gotten over most of the delusions cos it's been like 6 yr's but I still deal with them. I feel your pain man I really do.
 
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someguy14

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The thief only came to steal, kill and destroy. So simplistic and pathetic.

The thief, satan is already defeated. We are victorious.
All mankind worships one or the other, Goodness(God), or wickedness(satan).

We are precise and aflicted with fighting off wickedness continually. Our preciseness is understandable when the attacks from satan are consistant. Do not be ashamed.
Those that attack us are serving satan and satan has already been defeated by God.

We have proof of this in these The Holy Bible. Our God is a loving God.

1 Corinthians 13:6
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

John 8:44
Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

All wickedness(iniquity) = lies.
All goodness(God) = truth.

:)

We defeat them, through God and they hate us.
Keep humble brother.

We are on the battlefield.
Satan attacks you worse, (through evil spirits and evil beings), because you are a bigger threat to him.
Humble yourself, friend. :)

God is our strength and our protection.
We are already victorious.
To God belongeth all the glory.
May God bless.
 
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xounstaer

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i need to think about how i can react dabro. i mean i am wondering allready now.

the sun you say. do you need know what i saw?

but even besides the sun we can believe this. all together.
i used to say this before. we should have understadning, knowing what it's like.

i've gotten over it too, but it remains with me and it wil lnever fully leave. all i do or can do is put it under the table. or use the right words so that people understand what i mean. and know i am aware.

but in the end i will hang on to it because i find it to be the center of believe. it can indeed be compared with believing in jesus. and then the holy parts. have the some mind as he did when he lived. and also have the same mind 3 days after he died.

therfore when i have to choose i may choose yes. and if i where to say more. i's say put it in a realistic content. and put it in perspective. these are real things.

i just didnt think of what raych said. the wonderfull parts. whenever my pschiater would brin git back to reality it would mostly be about bad i guess now.

but it's the light of life, the light of man.

that's real..

and we/or i must be in very well condition to be able to speak our minds about it.

if i go and just enter this site and say nothin gmore then i am the messiah and it has been finished. i'd look like crzy/insane-psychotic, right?

while it is the center of who i am. it is what led me to believe i christ. and take over the stick as good as i can. not to use it to walk with. call it a scepter..

but there i go then and conclusions may be maid..


i am glad you share your experience with it dabro and that u are well. or well enough.

i'll see if i learn more on it here and how to be with it..

x
 
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xounstaer

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wel li'd like to say to that someguy14. that on emust love the devil. i know it sounds insane..

and i allready am bacomin gmore aware of evil powers which may ben. but jesus clearly told to love the enemy. which leads to logical conclusiion if you ask me.

i understand you though. but a big part of jesus hi sown teachins are to not be the same when someone does you wrong. because then where's the difference.

though i understanded very well what you say.
 
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someguy14

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wel li'd like to say to that someguy14. that on emust love the devil. i know it sounds insane..

and i allready am bacomin gmore aware of evil powers which may ben. but jesus clearly told to love the enemy. which leads to logical conclusiion if you ask me.

i understand you though. but a big part of jesus hi sown teachins are to not be the same when someone does you wrong. because then where's the difference.

though i understanded very well what you say.

It is all about love, friend.
Deceit isn't of love and confusion isn't of love. Love is of love.
Jesus is Jesus and is due the credit. God The Father is God The Father and is due the credit. Don't fool yourself, God is not mocked. God Loves us very much.

May God bless.
 
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xounstaer

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btw sorry for all the type-errors. i do my best.


i know you're right, though the confusion part i doubt a bit about.
i remember this, but also did i used to say that the purpose of confusion may be to lead to another path. instead of reaching your or my self wanted goal..

and this i remembered to:

2 Jesus said, "Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. [And after they have reigned they will rest.]"

i do must say i mean no harm even if it does sound so.
 
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