I just wish this wouldn't have happened. I even wish that I hadn't met him at all sometimes (and I know that sounds really bad and mean) - even though I still love him so very much.
I totally identify with that.. exept I have 7 years marriage to regret.
... and been thinking more about reading the bible and praying. (although I haven't picked up the bible yet
). Part of my excuse is the extreme tiredness from new antidepressants...
I've been separated for only about 3 months now.. but I had been in serious depression for several months dutring the phase of coming to the point where I realised I needed to end the marriage.
I didn't want to take antidepressants (but would have if they were prescribed because I was so desperate), so on my Christian Doctors advise... i took control of life and forced myself to change and move forward as a new person.
1. I changed what I had control over in my life.
I stopped eating bread all together, and ate only fruit and nuts for lunch (this I will continue to do)
I also set-up routines for myself that work for me (not beneficial to others)
EG. i do all my cooking for the week on the weekend, freeze the food, and defrost as required in the week.. week days are quite relaxed now as there's food waiting for us when I get the kids home from school.
2. once I had lost about 20pounds (over about 8-10 weeks) I started slowly excercising.
I now run 3-4 times a week and usually feel like a million bucks after a run. (its addictive)
i'm about to start running every second day because it makes me feel so good wen I get back. The Natural high from endorphins is the ultimate antidepressant.
3.I tried to spend more time with friends and started telling "OUR" friends about her unfaithfulness.. and I gained their support. Even her own friends have comforted me and said they think she deserves it, and I did more than enough.
I also took up an old hobby that I did as a kid.. and i just have fun with that and act like a kid again.. it also get me out and in the sun.
TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS..
I also became more reliant on God and prayed more asking for guidance.
4. counselling - glad you are already going, it does help
Talking to a counselor really helped me confirm that I had done the right thing, because I realised she was never truly a WIFE to me.. she was a bedbuddy who just wanted to act like a kid and have no responsibilities.
I also realised the kids have not lost a mother.. she admits she is not a good mother and even said to me last week "you make a better mother than I do".. so i stopped feeling bad about them losing her.. because all they have lost is the appearance of a family and mother, not an active figure in their lives
5. I found a new church which allows me to drop the kids off before worship starts, and pick them up after the preaching is over.. So i at least get some spiritual input! (i had to leave my church of over 10 years too at he beginning of this year as they began teaching some strange things and focusing on Angels more than God)
6. look to the future.
I started life on a clean slate, threw out all reminders of her, started selling things and re-arranged some furniature, cleaned out her drawers and took pictures off the walls.
I'm also planning on moving to another city later next year.
There is potential to be happy again.. i'm going to be happy despite her dragging me down..
She ruined the last 10 years of my life, cost me a business, and 2 career paths, never contributed $1 to the family.. ever..
I'm not letting her ruin my future too.
moral of the story?
do some excercise and you
will feel better about yourself, and a "new body" will really build your self esteem back up again.
I hope that helps, it's not "biblical" advise.. but it's at least practical and I'm living prof that these things WILL pull you out of depression.