Why Virginity Matters

[Michie]

Glancing at a list of saints’ feast days that fall during this week, I see this listed for September 23:
St. Thecla, Virgin and Martyr

I always used to pause at that oft-used description of the saints. The martyr part made sense. But why virgin? To make it a point to highlight that aspect of a person’s life seemed a little…personal. To use internet parlance, it struck me as TMI. I knew that the problem must be with me, and not with a tradition of the 2,000-year-old Church, but I never could figure out why that designation was so important.

Then I began to notice something: Our society has lost the concept that it is possible to live a fulfilling life without having sex. And this fact alone is responsible for some of the worst scourges that plague the modern world. For example:

It’s the fuel that drives contraceptive culture: If people think that they must have sex in order to have a good life—regardless of whether or not they want children—contraception starts to be considered a necessity.

And the resulting mentality, which completely separates sex from its life-giving potential, is the fuel that drives abortion culture.

It leads to unfair and unnecessary suspicion of people who have chosen celibacy as part of a life devoted to God and others.

It makes people who are same-sex attracted feel like Christianity leaves them no options for a good life.

It’s especially dangerous now that our society believes that we can determine other people’s worthiness of life, since it devalues the lives of people who have disabilities that preclude sexual activity. A mother who chose to abort her son when she found out he would be physically disabled wrote in this article:

It was the thought of our son’s incurable impotence that triggered my husband’s tears. “Oh God, what sort of life will he have?” he asked the doctors. It was, of course, a rhetorical question, and no one attempted to answer it.
​

A society has lost all real respect for human life when it believes that people would be better off dead than celibate.

Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jennifer-fulwiler/why-virginity-matters?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+NCRegisterDailyBlog+National+Catholic+Register&utm_content=Google+Reader#When:2011-09-21#ixzz1YdRZGgtz

 

[PeterTheGimp]

It is a shame that the celibate lifestyle takes such a beating in the world at large.

 

[Chrystal-J]

It is a shame that the celibate lifestyle takes such a beating in the world at large.

So true.

 

[Fantine]

By age 30 95% have had sexual experience.

Virginity is becoming obsolete.

Even most of the younger religious sisters I know were previously married, with divorces and annulments. Some even have grown children.

And, as usual, some orthodox columnist comes up with the bright idea that the problem is virginity--there aren't enough of them. One can have a fulfilling life without sex.

I think that people who have fulfilling lives don't spend their lives thinking about sex--either having it OR avoiding it. Even the most sexually active people in the world probably spend less than 2% of their lives engaged in sexual activity.

Let's stop thinking so much about sex and think about relationshps--with God, our family, our friends, our romantic friends. Let's think about having emotionally transparent, emotionally healthy relationships with all of them.

Even in religious communities interpersonal relationships are of primary importance.

As humans we need to be connected. A relationship without sex can be vibrantly healthy and enriching--but a sexual relationship without emotional intimacy is barren and lifeless.

So let's stop thinking about having or avoiding sex as the goal. Let's think about loving God and enjoying meaningful relationships that help us grow into the beautiful people God wants us to be.

 

[epiclesis]

Maybe I'm being a snob (it would be the FIRST time in my WHOLE life), but I was really excited to read this article after reading the title of it, and was very disappointed once I got through the article.

Seems like it could have had a better article for something so very important and special. It certainly wasn't convincing or information-filled enough for me to pass on the article to someone engaging in pre-marital sex to try and knock some sense into them.

 

[princess_ballet]

Two of the comments stood out to me:

Why don't male saints ever have the label "virgin."

And it must sound like sunshine and lollipops coming from someone who is married and, presumably, enjoying a healthy sex life.

 

[Memento Mori]

Why don't male saints ever have the label "virgin."

Virgin was a term for women, so that's why you don't see it applied to men. Obviously we use it differently today. A man who labels himself a virgin isn't calling himself a young maiden.

 

[sylverpiano]

Hi there!

My virginity was taken from me at knife point. That was my one and only sexual experience. I have led a celibate life ever since.

 

[MikeK]

Hi there!

My virginity was taken from me at knife point. That was my one and only sexual experience. I have led a celibate life ever since.

The funny - no, actually not funny at all - thing is, the virgins and martyrs the author of the article holds in high esteem are people who, rather than allow themselves to be raped, let their assailants kill them. Frankly, I've never understood why these are people we should emulate. I admire their faith, but I doubt very much that God would prefer that any of us let an assailant take our life than our virginity.

 

[princess_ballet]

Virgin was a term for women, so that's why you don't see it applied to men. Obviously we use it differently today. A man who labels himself a virgin isn't calling himself a young maiden.

Right. But the fact is, it just never mattered if guys were "virgins."

 

[benedictaoo]

The funny - no, actually not funny at all - thing is, the virgins and martyrs the author of the article holds in high esteem are people who, rather than allow themselves to be raped, let their assailants kill them. Frankly, I've never understood why these are people we should emulate. I admire their faith, but I doubt very much that God would prefer that any of us let an assailant take our life than our virginity.

that and well, they'll rape you anyway...

I don't get those stories... and this opens a whole nother can of worms because is this God doing this? and I ask seriously? he'll put a rapist in a saints path to give us this example..

I dunno- its all so weird to me.

and the Saint who says, don't rape me, you are sinning and your soul is worth too much to commit rape- okay, lead them into murder... that's good for their soul.

and ah, if you are raped, you are not being impure.

This is ridiculous.

The Saints example is NOT what ppl turn it into.

 

[WarriorAngel]

Virginity and its preference in serving God is in scriptures.
If this is TMI, someone doesnt read the Gospels or Apostles very often.

Go figure, seeing the comments of the writer.

Chastity needs to be talked about - loud and proud.

 

[jackpetersen]

A chaste soul is more important to me than technical virginity.

 

[Aces High]

Let's not forget a large amount of these "extremist" views towards celibacy is largely because of the incompetence of various Churches in the last millennia to handle matters regarding sexuality correctly, from theologians asserting correct sexual positions in bed, to authoritative ramblings about the evils of it, to completely avoiding the issue altogether.

This is simply a response to all of that starting about 50 years ago. I think finding the middle-ground is important, how can anyone here try and tell someone with same-sex tendencies, that they can still lead a fulfilling life without the sex? If I were in that position, I would want nothing to do with a religion or Church. Even though it's probably true; there are other things out there than sex, and you can achieve a lot without it, but we are all sexual beings (apart from a few, who have no inclination at all?) and it would be completely frustrating, it does nothing but raise more questions which aren't really answered as of yet.

 

[Ration]

I've always been of the opinion that it shouldn't matter. If you want to lose it, go for it, and if you want to keep it, you shouldn't be ridiculed for that fact.

Sex is fun, but it certainly isn't the be all and end all.

 

[Rebekka]

The funny - no, actually not funny at all - thing is, the virgins and martyrs the author of the article holds in high esteem are people who, rather than allow themselves to be raped, let their assailants kill them. Frankly, I've never understood why these are people we should emulate. I admire their faith, but I doubt very much that God would prefer that any of us let an assailant take our life than our virginity.

My thoughts exactly.

But then again, I've always had mixed feelings about martyrdom to begin with, especially since the church condemns suicide so much.



Oh, and some of you are under the impression that virginity didn't matter for guys, from the church's point of view. No, you're wrong, it did. No double standard there (and yes, the bible is very clear about it as well, also for men). There are a lot of virgin male saints as well. If you look at paintings of saints you will often see them holding a lily - if they do, they were virgins. Male or female. Very interesting, art history.

 

[Rosary Crusader]

But then again, I've always had mixed feelings about martyrdom to begin with, especially since the church condemns suicide so much.

The Church teaches that it is wrong to seek or martyrdom. To compare martyrdom to suicide is highly insulting, especially since the martyr's blood is the water that nourishes the seeds of Holy Mother the Church.

 

[Rebekka]

The Church teaches that it is wrong to seek or martyrdom. To compare martyrdom to suicide is highly insulting, especially since the martyr's blood is the water that nourishes the seeds of Holy Mother the Church.

Well sorry for insulting you then. You know, there are similarities, and as such there is ground for comparison.

 

[Catherineanne]

Hi there!

My virginity was taken from me at knife point. That was my one and only sexual experience. I have led a celibate life ever since.

I am truly sorry this happened to you.

If you were my daughter I would tell you that your virginity was not taken from you. Rape is about power, not about sexual experience.

Therefore, regardless of biology, you are still a virgin before God, and you will remain one until you choose to engage in intimacy with someone of your own free will.

 

[Catherineanne]

Right. But the fact is, it just never mattered if guys were "virgins."

I think the story of Joseph and Potiphar's wife would beg to differ.