LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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I am already aware that forgiveness is done for me, not for the person who wronged me. In fact, most of the people who wrong someone don't even care if they're forgiven or not. I want to know how to go about "forgiving" someone who is convinced that there was no wrong done, and so nothing to forgive.
I grew up in an abusive, alcoholic household, and later married into domestic violence. The abuse is behind me now, but only because I keep family contact to a bare minimum. They wonder why I moved so far away (nearly 3,000 miles) and why I don't like being with them. Well, my husband, pastor, therapist, and healthier family members all agree that this was the best thing for me to do. Often when an overly manipulative family member says, "I miss you," what is really meant is "I miss controlling you." Likewise, "I only want you to be happy," can mean "I want you to like living under my thumb," but if I continue in this direction, it can turn into a whole different post.
I am sometimes accused of being bitter about certain horrible things that have been done to me. It's beyond the scope of one post to go into too much detail, but to give an idea, it has ranged from verbal abuse to downright life-threatening situations, including such things as being held hostage and being abused sexually. I am under the care of an excellent therapist, please rest assured, and for the record he is a Christian.
My question is, when I ask about something like that, I will be told:
This is coming from people who consider me the family historian, and won't hesitate to call and ask me who we lived next door to in 1974, because my memory is so accurate.
In any case, if it "didn't happen," then they did nothing wrong, and what is there to forgive? Therefore, how can I?
I grew up in an abusive, alcoholic household, and later married into domestic violence. The abuse is behind me now, but only because I keep family contact to a bare minimum. They wonder why I moved so far away (nearly 3,000 miles) and why I don't like being with them. Well, my husband, pastor, therapist, and healthier family members all agree that this was the best thing for me to do. Often when an overly manipulative family member says, "I miss you," what is really meant is "I miss controlling you." Likewise, "I only want you to be happy," can mean "I want you to like living under my thumb," but if I continue in this direction, it can turn into a whole different post.
I am sometimes accused of being bitter about certain horrible things that have been done to me. It's beyond the scope of one post to go into too much detail, but to give an idea, it has ranged from verbal abuse to downright life-threatening situations, including such things as being held hostage and being abused sexually. I am under the care of an excellent therapist, please rest assured, and for the record he is a Christian.
My question is, when I ask about something like that, I will be told:
- It didn't really happen.
- You imagined it.
- You're exaggerating.
- Maybe you dreamed it.
- You must have seen it on TV, and got confused and thought it happened to you.
- You have emotional problems, and that means your memory is warped.
This is coming from people who consider me the family historian, and won't hesitate to call and ask me who we lived next door to in 1974, because my memory is so accurate.
In any case, if it "didn't happen," then they did nothing wrong, and what is there to forgive? Therefore, how can I?
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