Why do people still have so much hope for marriage?

[SullivanZ]

I agree, Sullivan. I think people are enamored with the idea of marriage, but they find the reality of it much different. Walt Disney probably has something to with it as well. lol

I kind of like the Disney-like fantasies... gives me something to hope for, even if I am chasing after smoke and mirrors.

 

[leothelioness]

Walt Disney has caused many a girl grief.

 

[explodingboy]

It's simple really, I want to be married so that I can be safe in the knowledge that there will still be some right examples of what a good marriage looks like to share the benefits of experiance and ideals that my parents relationship passed on to me.

 

[Marycita]

I think the only reason Disney has caused grief is because we let down our expectations of what relationships should be like. Done in God's way...they are SO much better than a fairy tale.

Anyway, that's what I have hope for..not marriage necessarily (though that's part of it) but romance God's way.

 

[HighwayMan]

lol I always hear Disney get trashed for creating unrealistic expectations or something, but I don't see what exactly they are doing that is so wrong. These are escapist fairytales, they are supposed to have happy endings. And yes, the princesses look pretty - but then every movie, animated or not, picks good looking actors for its roles.

I can't hate Disney for presenting something I can't have anymore than I can hate Hawaii for its dream-like tropical islands that I've never visited and probably never will.

 

[Sketcher]

lol I always hear Disney get trashed for creating unrealistic expectations or something, but I don't see what exactly they are doing that is so wrong. These are escapist fairytales, they are supposed to have happy endings. And yes, the princesses look pretty - but then every movie, animated or not, picks good looking actors for its roles.

I can't hate Disney for presenting something I can't have anymore than I can hate Hawaii for its dream-like tropical islands that I've never visited and probably never will.

Interesting note, Walt Disney grew up in what today would be considered an abusive home.

 

[MacFall]

If you make a commitment to each other and God, but don't have a license or exchange rings, is that still a marriage? I believe so. I don't think the government needs to recognise it for it to be a marriage.

I think people here are pretty familiar with my opinion on this already, but I agree. Government marriage licenses were originally intended to prevent interracial marriage, and now they're just a means of getting the state involved in childcare. A marriage is better off without them. They certainly haven't helped decrease the divorce rate - quite the opposite, in fact (although correlation doesn't equal causation, but people did manage to marry for thousands of years before anyone ever thought of licensing it).

As for rings, they're not necessary, but I think they are a nice tradition.

 

[LadyOfMystery]

Sorry to sound so negative, but this is something that I am absolutely confounded by. Watching my parents' marriage fall apart has really cemented my opinion of the whole thing.

What romantic notion does marriage hold for some people? Besides it being something that supposedly God wants, what importance and function does it hold and how is it better than, say, co-habitation? Hopefully y'all can shed some light on this.

Blind Post.

One thing you have to remember is not all families are the same. The reason people have different opinions on marriage, and the likes of it is because they come from different households with different things going on. So what may sound crazy to you, is normal for another.

Marriage is a holy thing, IMO. God didn't call us to shack up with every boyfriend and girlfriend coming down the pike. He called us to marry the one who He's given to us. God made adam & eve as a pair, he even made the animals have a pair. He's got our other half waiting for us. "Co habitation" is unsteady ground, and not for me. I want something substantial. Sure marriage falls apart, but that didnt happen suddenly during the marriage, usually the people weren't a match to begin with but they got married anyway. Of course marriages arent going to work if they're not God's will.

 

[Supplanter]

John and I are getting married because we believe we are called to one another. We have a shared vision and purpose of how we feel we should serve God. We refine one another, make each other better. We encourage and support one another and outr commitment to one another is helping to build our character and integrity toward God and toward others. It allows us to practice the virtues of grace, mercy, forgveness, and love (not an emotion but a choice).

It also will allow us to enjoy one another emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically on a regular basis. It provides a sense of security and helps meet certain needs so that we can easily focus on other things besides being lonely or whatever. We can help each other reach our goals and fulfill our dreams and desires by working together. The commitment of marriage is humbling, and helps you develop selflessness because it is no longer about you, it is about serving that other person and working together with them, becoming one with them, which means giving up yourself, all of yourself.

Finally, Christian marriage is Christ's representation of His relationship with the church. We wish to participate is this covenant as partakers of His grace and ministers of the gospel. We want our relationship to display the love of Jesus to people.

Relationships are what you make them. There is nothing inherent in marriage that would make it a bad choice. The problem is that people are selfish and they get into marriage for the wong reasons with the wrong expectations. Marriage takes work. Really hard work. And it takes two people to do that work. However, so often people point fingers at one another instead of examining what they need to do to grow and be Godly toward their spouse. There is the "He should have done this . . . . ." when really it doesn't matter what he should have done, the question is what should you do now. Too often we look toward our spose to fulfill needs that aren't theirs to fill and instead of giving, we ask what we should be receiving and start demanding that instead.

So I hope because I have hope in Christ and with God all things are possible.

 

[Gwendolyn]

I don't believe in the notion of soul mates or "one special person" out of 7 billion. I believe that there are lots of people with whom I could be compatible, but I'm only going to choose one.

With over half of marriages failing these days, it does worry me. I do fear being cheated on and left. I don't worry about myself, because I know that I am a very monogamous person and I am more than capable of putting everything I have into a relationship to make it work. But I do worry...

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

That sound you hear is the tension building up as I am about to explode like an egg cooking in its shell in a microwave oven.

Marriage, to me, has always been about pressure. Tons of pressure from every direction--especially from immediate family--to find a partner and get married.

They want more grandchildren, if you know what I mean. "Why doesn't Tim have a girlfriend? Do you think he's gay?", if you know what I mean.

You ask why people still have so much hope for marriage? It's more like, why does society put so much pressure on people to marry?

I am supposed to believe, of course, that this is the year 2011, not the 1950s. I am supposed to believe, of course, that the social pressure on people to marry is now minuscule and, therefore, cohabiting is becoming as common as people attending college.

On the contrary, the pressure is there. It is simply pressure against a backdrop of a variety of now socially-accepted family forms and a traditional institution that is becoming less and less needed. When discussing marriage people forget things like the following facts:

1.) People in the West used to have to marry and have children to survive.

2.) In the West at least, people can now survive living solo.
3.) In the West at least, children are now an economic liability.

Basically, people's beliefs and attitudes about marriage have not caught up with social reality in the post-industrial West.

Meanwhile, as with so many other aspects of civilization, people who are not in any hurry to accept the present social reality put past practice of marriage in the centrifuge of their imaginations, throw away the undesirable parts, and intoxicate themselves with the parts that popular culture, culture wars, etc. amplify.

 

[tapi]

Because the groving divorce rates and changes in the general views about relationships and marriage in the modern day secular society in themselves provide no reason to abandon the foundational role and importance of marriage in CHristianity. The sciptural basis of marriage is quite clear, and what would prevent a couple who is totally committed to one another, totally convinced of their love for one another, totally free to marry and to sustain the marriage on every level, and totally desirous of sanctifying and sealing their marriage in the Church from doing so?

 

[Im_A]

I also believe that family, friends, people, society, the media, economy instill this idea that marriage is the end all be all, the ultimate end for the American dream, or the dream of whatever country one lives in.

I am not trying to speak bad on the hopes and dreams of individuals, but I don't enjoy how people in general(be it religious or not) use the topic of marriage on other people.

 

[leothelioness]

Christians aren't immune to the same issues that plague non-Christian couples, so I don't know why people hold up Christian marriage as easier or more perfect. I guess people just think that if God is the third person in the marriage that it'll make it easier to get through? IDK.

 

[Im_A]

Christians aren't immune to the same issues that plague non-Christian couples, so I don't know why people hold up Christian marriage as easier or more perfect. I guess people just think that if God is the third person in the marriage that it'll make it easier to get through? IDK.

Especially when divorce rate in the Christian community is the same as the rest of the world...falling apart. No one can argue some pathetic view that they aren't real Christians or not seeking God together when their faith and their love means everything to them.

It is sad how people think there is such a thing as full proof ways to find ever lasting love.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Christians aren't immune to the same issues that plague non-Christian couples, so I don't know why people hold up Christian marriage as easier or more perfect. I guess people just think that if God is the third person in the marriage that it'll make it easier to get through? IDK.

If two people are committed to each other and have a relationship built around Christ then yes, I think it stands a much greater chance. That's not to say that problems and bumps won't occur, because they most certainly will, but just like in our individual lives a relationship with Christ is what holds everything together. Christian couples who aren't willing to work together and keep God at the center are asking for trouble.

 

[Blank123]

I don't think I've ever heard any Christian saying that marriage is easier because its Christians involved. Marriage is hard. People are sinful, and we screw things up. Left to our own devices and refusing to allow God to be the glue of the marriage... i'll just say its no wonder so many Christians seek divorce if they don't include God in their marriages.

But life is hard. Especially from a Christian perspective. We're literally guaranteed that life will be hard, regardless of marriage, throughout Scripture because we're Christians. Does that mean we should do away with faith? nope. Because Christians have something that nonChristians don't that gives us hope and strength. In all situations.

11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[b] who strengthens me. - Phil 4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. - James 1

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. - 1 Peter 5

I think thats something important to realize long before marriage ever enters the picture. If we, as singles, do not know how to rely on God to be our strength when we're weak and going through trials, we won't know how to do that in our future marriages.

 

[penNpaper]

Blind Post.

One thing you have to remember is not all families are the same. The reason people have different opinions on marriage, and the likes of it is because they come from different households with different things going on. So what may sound crazy to you, is normal for another.

Marriage is a holy thing, IMO. God didn't call us to shack up with every boyfriend and girlfriend coming down the pike. He called us to marry the one who He's given to us. God made adam & eve as a pair, he even made the animals have a pair. He's got our other half waiting for us. "Co habitation" is unsteady ground, and not for me. I want something substantial. Sure marriage falls apart, but that didnt happen suddenly during the marriage, usually the people weren't a match to begin with but they got married anyway. Of course marriages arent going to work if they're not God's will.

^what she said that is good

Why do people still have so much hope for marriage?

Because there can be *ahem* a lasting marriage when two people are fully committed to each other as well as to put God first in the relationship and marriage.

Some will think it is the worst thing ever some will think it is the best thing ever. I ain't gonna judge you about it. I've seen people say "I will get married with no license" or "we are gonna live together first" and other setences and whatnot - why be tempted with fire or for the Lord to not be for a marriage union - to bless the couple.

50% divorce rates are there - both Believers and Non-Believers. I think sometimes people "rush" into marriage a lot - the honeymoon stage and the warm and fuzzy feelings - eventually after the wedding bliss and reality sinks in - you feel "meh" about your SO and so on. People use "I" a lot or a lot of other things that result in a divorce. The "D" has been used in my family's history so I know what it can do for families and people lives.

Why do people still watch cheesy love stories - because we all want to be loved and cherished. Love is out there - sometimes it may not be the exact thing that you have envisioned it in which the Lord has given you - but the Lord is good all the time.

Marriage takes work and a lot of efforts - from both parties. It isn't "playing house" it is the real thing. I want a woman that can love me and be thru stuff throughout all seasons - from the sun and the rain. The honeymoon stage can fade away - but to still love someone after 40 years is something that I desire.

It takes God first as well as 2 people to make a relationship to work for His will.

God Bless,
Drew

 

[white dove]

Sorry to sound so negative, but this is something that I am absolutely confounded by. Watching my parents' marriage fall apart has really cemented my opinion of the whole thing.

What romantic notion does marriage hold for some people? Besides it being something that supposedly God wants, what importance and function does it hold and how is it better than, say, co-habitation? Hopefully y'all can shed some light on this.

I can't tell you why others do, but I can tell you why I do.


I've seen the valid reasons why marriage makes sense to someone like me. I've also had the blessing of being around people who've done their marriages (and their spouses) well. Unfortunately(?), I know having a healthy, happy marriage is not some pipe dream. It's very possible. Unfortunately (no question mark), many people just don't want to work at acquiring and maintaining one.

 

[Zoness]

Sorry to sound so negative, but this is something that I am absolutely confounded by. Watching my parents' marriage fall apart has really cemented my opinion of the whole thing.

What romantic notion does marriage hold for some people? Besides it being something that supposedly God wants, what importance and function does it hold and how is it better than, say, co-habitation? Hopefully y'all can shed some light on this.

I am 100% with you, which is why I don't have a lot of hope for marriage lol