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Scared of sex!!!

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Hishandmaiden

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My husband wants to have sex with me, but I am scared of it.
I felt that having sex is wrong, dirty.
I do not know what kind of sex is all right in the eyes of God.

Sorry for this sensitive question.

1) Is kissing all right? I mean, my husband tried to lick my tongue with his tongue. Is that okay?

2) My husband tried to lick my body with his tongue and I stopped him. I felt that was gross.

Is that any information I can look into, to learn more about sex, the God-approved way.

Thanks for your help. I am kind of upset by my husband's display of intimacy towards me.
 

Sketcher

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"Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.' But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." - 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Sex within marriage is not sinful. It is to be a loving act where the husband and the wife serve each other. It's supposed to make both of you feel good and draw you closer to each other.
 
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singpeace

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My husband wants to have sex with me, but I am scared of it.
I felt that having sex is wrong, dirty.
I do not know what kind of sex is all right in the eyes of God.

Sorry for this sensitive question.

1) Is kissing all right? I mean, my husband tried to lick my tongue with his tongue. Is that okay?

2) My husband tried to lick my body with his tongue and I stopped him. I felt that was gross.

Is that any information I can look into, to learn more about sex, the God-approved way.

Thanks for your help. I am kind of upset by my husband's display of intimacy towards me.



The ultimate joining together of a man and woman is the joining together of two spirits; of two minds; and of two bodies. The most intimate knowledge of marriage partners comes about through these three joinings in a Christian marriage. This is why Christians can have a much more stimulating sex life than non-Christians. Non-Christians cannot join together in the spirit. They lack that extra dimension.

The Bible says that marriage partners should offer their bodies to each other in marriage and should not deny each other except for a short season for fasting (see I Corinthians 7:5). God made men and women sexual beings. There is no sin in marital sex.

Sex in marriage is good and holy and ordained of God.

The importance of sexual intercourse and the role of desire appear numerous times in Genesis. Eve is told that despite the pain of childbirth, "your desire shall be for your husband" (Gen 3:16). Sarah describes sexual intercourse as "pleasure" (Genesis 18:12). Isaac is noticed "fondling his wife Rebekah" (Gen 26:8).

The Song of Solomon celebrates erotic love between a man and a woman in a remarkably mutual relationship.

My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
and my inmost being yearned for him.
I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hand dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh...(Song 5:4-5).
How fair and pleasant you are
O loved one, delectable maiden!
You are stately as a palm tree
and your breasts are like its clusters.
I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its branches.
Oh, may your breasts be like
clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
and your kisses like the best wine
that goes down smoothly
gliding over lips and teeth...(Song 7:6-9).


Talk to your husband about your feelings. Be brutally honest if you can. Ask him to be patient with you. Both of you should pray together and alone about this dilemma. God can and will work it out if you are both willing to hear his instruction and be guided by His Spirit.
 
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Hishandmaiden

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I am a christian woman, with a wonderful christian husband.
However, one thing often hindered our intimacies and this is my fear of sex.

Everytime my husband want to come near me in a sexual manner, I get terrified.

Is there any good christian book on handling sex the christian way, that I can look into, so that I can give to my husband his sexual desire for me?
 
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Ps145

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I am a christian woman, with a wonderful christian husband.
However, one thing often hindered our intimacies and this is my fear of sex.

Everytime my husband want to come near me in a sexual manner, I get terrified.

Is there any good christian book on handling sex the christian way, that I can look into, so that I can give to my husband his sexual desire for me?

There is a great one. Song of Solomon. Also, Dr. David Jeremiah recently did a study on that book. He offered some great insights.

DavidJeremiah.org

You can go to the archives, and listen to the whole series on Song of Solomon.
 
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citizenthom

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How long have you been married? What is your husband's reaction to your fear? What sort of premarital counseling did you have on the subject?

Not to be too intrusive (you need not even answer if this is just enough to get your mind going), but do you have a history of sexual abuse? Perhaps something in your childhood? You may even have some repressed or partially-repressed memories you need to work through with a counselor and with your husband (he absolutely must know what happened to build trust and so he can avoid your "triggers").
 
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chilehed

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I've been hesitant to respond, because a woman might have more credibility here.

In the Song of Songs, God speaks of marital love using the lanugage of food:
(The Bride):
As an apple tree among the trees of the woods,
so is my lover among men.
I delight to rest in his shadow,
and his fruit is sweet to my mouth....

(The Groom):
Your navel is a round bowl
that should never lack for mixed wine.
Your body is a heap of wheat
encircled with lilies....

Your very figure is like a palm tree,
your breasts are like clusters.
I said: I will climb the palm tree,
I will take hold of its branches.
Now let your breasts be like clusters of the vine
and the fragrance of your breath like apples,
And your mouth like an excellent wine-
that flows smoothly for my lover,
spreading over the lips and the teeth.​
It's ecstatic language, and it sure sounds to me like it's encouraging the behavior that you're having difficulty with. The exact thing to do with a cluster of the vine is to enjoy its wonderful taste!

But I suspect that the difficulty isn't just intellectual, but emotional. Merely knowing that such acts are pleasing to God is different than feeling it. I suggest that it would be wise for you and your husband to get professional counseling to help both of you grow through this in a manner that is sensitive to both of your needs.
 
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heymikey80

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Further afield ... are your actions as a couple consistent with your faith? That is, the marriage bed should not be a defilement of your Christian faith, nor vice versa. Sexuality is consistent with Christian faith; however, human intent can easily be inconsistent with it. Sin is always about warping something good.

Grant though, that we can't simply "toss" our sinfulness. So something of it shall remain. But we can certainly make sexuality as redemptive as any other action in our lives -- and thus make it Christian.
 
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Saucy

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I am very confused by your question. What purpose is there to get married if it isn't for sex? Doesn't the bible talk about being single unless your desires get out of control that it's better to be married so you can participate in sex without sinning? Marriage is for sex. It is the union of two bodies to become one. I don't know what is hindering you from having sex with your husband. Maybe you don't have have a sex drive or you were abused so you fear it. I'm not sure, but sex is an entirely pleasurable experience when both of you are into it.


There is a website called themarriagebed.com that helps couples learn about sex.
 
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skcin7

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I am not quite sure why you are scared of sex. Especially since you are married, I am quite unsure how this would be a violation of God's way, but I suppose it could be depending on who you ask (their specific beliefs). I think what is important is what YOU believe based on your own interpretations of your faith, but I personally don't think it is wrong from a Christian perspective. However, I do very much agree with the above poster where he said that sexuality shouldn't be something that is "tolerated" or "endured". It is important that you feel completely comfortable with your sexuality. I don't think there is anything to be afraid of as long as you love and trust your husband (which I am sure you do).
 
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Your husband is a gift from God to you as well as you are to your husband. I believe that when the Bible say's that your are to give yourself to each other and please each other that as long as it is just you 2 anything sexual that you do is fine! It is a beautiful gift that God has given us!
 
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dabro

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I have been single for going on 7 yr's. I believe God wants me to stay pure. I too am afraid of sex. I'm afraid to get attached and then my heart broken. It's been so long since I had intercoarse that it all seems so strange. As for you your married so your allowed to do that. There are some boundries when It comes to having sex with your husband but as far as it go's You shouldn't be afraid. Me on the other hand have been single so long that I forgot how to enjoy the thought of marraige and sex and inturn have saught just to do what God wants me to do. Cos with all honesty. My heart has cried for a wife and have yet to find one so I'm giving up.
 
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