My wife says she doesn't love me anymore

[Romanseight2005]

I talked w/ my neighbor last night about the texting. He thanked me for bringing it to his attention. He never really gave it a thought about how often they were texting. He also said he told his wife. I somehow believe him. He said he checked his texting records, and never realized he had 5,200 texts in one month. He gave me info. about what the texting was about, it basically sounded like my wife was bored, and pestered him about my son's baseball. He assured me that he was not going to respond to her texts, but would communicate to the both of us through emails.

My wife is chatty.........very chatty! And I think what I am learning from this is to allow her to talk to me more and for me to listen more. You know we guys always want to "fix" things, when our wives just want us to listen. She also has become aware that she needs to put her phone away when we are alone, and try to spend some quality time w/ me.

The introduction of cell phones has always bothered me. While they can serve a worthy purpose, they can also become an addiction. I use a Tracfone, and purchase minute cards. I never use all of my minutes, so they just roll over. My monthly bill is less than $10. In my opinion, the amount people spend on cell phones is poor stewardship.

She is still hurt about my past comments about her weight issues. I could really use some help there. I feel like this is a subject that I cannot touch......I damned if I do and I damned if I don't sot of thing. She does desire to lose weight. Please tell me how I can encourage her w/o hurting her. She says I do nothing to encourage her. I know the things she needs to do, but she has been unwilling to do them.

Thanks for the prayers!

How about if you approach it all from a health stance, and don't make it about her, but about you changing your eating habits, and her sharing those eating habits with you?

 

[Romanseight2005]

You're wife is having an emotional affair with this man.

I didn't say it was overt, but she is getting her emotional (sexual) needs met by another man---other than you.

They exchanged over 173 text messages a day......

You don't want to know what I'd do......maybe you do....but it wouldn't be pretty....

Put some clear boundaries in place, she is not to have one on one communication with any male going fwd. Women and men are like little children, they need rules and punishment when they misbehave.






I couldn't agree more!

I've gone to using virtual numbers like Google Voice...one for biz...another for family.....another for friends....another for women.....

So if I'm working and I only wanna take work calls, I know if a woman is calling me or a friend b4 I even read the txt msg or take the call....




I forget but did you ever post how exactly you commented on her weight?

I know just bringing up the issue can "hurt" women (emotional manipulation anyone..?)......but what do you have to lose? You mentioned b4, it's been a long time since you had sex right?

You just need to lay down to law to your woman. By not taking care of YOUR body... remember her body is not her own anymore....and vice versa....she is opening you to temptation...and in my opinion defaulting on your marriage....by being obese and not having sex with you.


I've never been married but I did have a gf for 22 months, who was a fine thick latina....an 8 ....total babe.....well I should of taken other men's golden advice and looked very hard @ her mom.....her mom looked like a dump truck! Her mom was 5'2 and 300 lbs....eww....scared the crap outta me! Long story short....my gf gained 40 lbs....simply unacceptable....she wasn't stupid...she knew the score.....that you need to stay attractive for yourself and for your mate...especially if your in an exclusive set-up......but she had a bad role model in her mom, and wasn't motivated enough....so I ended it.

So what I'm saying is....

1. You have to be with someone who values fitness and a healthy lifestyle. No more picking girls up @ Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts Fellas!!!

2. You have to be consistent. You cant be a fat slob and expect your wife to be trim.

3. Nip it in the bud. As as you notice a weight increase....bring it to her attention....Find out why she gained the weight....is she eating right? Being proactive about dropping the weight?

4.Be considerate about how you bring it up. Don't be a wuss....Let her know it doesn't make you happy....And dont punk out by playing the "health" card only, she knows she's getting dumpy and that it's a turn off......be real about it....Tell her your in love with her...still attracted to her....but her lack of concern and effort is strangling your attraction for her..

Excuse me, but if you are not married, how is it that you are posting in a married only forum?

 

[Autumnleaf]

His total texts for the month was 5,200. These were not all to my wife.

Who else is he texting and why? You really should ask his wife about this as she probably either hates him doing it or has no idea what is going on. She can help you get him to go away if you let her in.

Would you want to know if your wife was texting 5,200 times a month, sometimes with a man other than you?

 

[craigliston]

Purpose in yourself everyday that all that you are doing is as unto the Lord, not unto your wife to receive favor from her. You are the priest of the home and her connection to a change in heart. Don't micro- evaluate every thing you do or don't do. This is your opportunity to experience the walk in trust with our God. Don't let others , any others , not me , not Billy Graham , no one , predict the outcome either towards restoration or limbo or a divorce or however other stories are written. This is you and God walking and He will direct your path and your story will glorify Him. Don't listen to time predictions like this must happen soon or that has gone on to long or you must decide now about this situation. The decisions will come and you will make them pleasing to God because you will abide in the vine, the Word, the Living Word. You will find the rest you need in Jesus. Abide through prayer, through fellowship that offers more hope than tips and techniques, through friends that listen rather than lecture. Abide in the Word of comfort and hope. Now is not the time to slice and dice doctrine. And one more thing. Run away from anyone that tells you to quit or bad mouths your wife. Your name is perseverance.

 

[FallenPaladin]

Purpose in yourself everyday that all that you are doing is as unto the Lord, not unto your wife to receive favor from her. You are the priest of the home and her connection to a change in heart. Don't micro- evaluate every thing you do or don't do. This is your opportunity to experience the walk in trust with our God. Don't let others , any others , not me , not Billy Graham , no one , predict the outcome either towards restoration or limbo or a divorce or however other stories are written. This is you and God walking and He will direct your path and your story will glorify Him. Don't listen to time predictions like this must happen soon or that has gone on to long or you must decide now about this situation. The decisions will come and you will make them pleasing to God because you will abide in the vine, the Word, the Living Word. You will find the rest you need in Jesus. Abide through prayer, through fellowship that offers more hope than tips and techniques, through friends that listen rather than lecture. Abide in the Word of comfort and hope. Now is not the time to slice and dice doctrine. And one more thing. Run away from anyone that tells you to quit or bad mouths your wife. Your name is perseverance.

I like what you say about walking and trusting in God. That is the best way to live. Perseverence for its own sake is to be obtuse in the face of the obvious. Maybe his marriage is salvageable, who knows. I think its irresponsible to advise him to keep doing CPR on what may be a dead horse. If his wife is out of it, God won't overide her free will. Such situations are what divorce are for.

 

[jham123]

Purpose in yourself everyday that all that you are doing is as unto the Lord, not unto your wife to receive favor from her. You are the priest of the home and her connection to a change in heart. Don't micro- evaluate every thing you do or don't do. This is your opportunity to experience the walk in trust with our God. Don't let others , any others , not me , not Billy Graham , no one , predict the outcome either towards restoration or limbo or a divorce or however other stories are written. This is you and God walking and He will direct your path and your story will glorify Him. Don't listen to time predictions like this must happen soon or that has gone on to long or you must decide now about this situation. The decisions will come and you will make them pleasing to God because you will abide in the vine, the Word, the Living Word. You will find the rest you need in Jesus. Abide through prayer, through fellowship that offers more hope than tips and techniques, through friends that listen rather than lecture. Abide in the Word of comfort and hope. Now is not the time to slice and dice doctrine. And one more thing. Run away from anyone that tells you to quit or bad mouths your wife. Your name is perseverance.

Wow.....that's pretty awesome. I needed to hear/read that in the context of this particular thread.

Funny, I was so skeptical as to where you were going...but after the first couple of sentences....I slowed down and started reading....Thanks.

 

[Jesus Freak62]

Purpose in yourself everyday that all that you are doing is as unto the Lord, not unto your wife to receive favor from her. You are the priest of the home and her connection to a change in heart. Don't micro- evaluate every thing you do or don't do. This is your opportunity to experience the walk in trust with our God. Don't let others , any others , not me , not Billy Graham , no one , predict the outcome either towards restoration or limbo or a divorce or however other stories are written. This is you and God walking and He will direct your path and your story will glorify Him. Don't listen to time predictions like this must happen soon or that has gone on to long or you must decide now about this situation. The decisions will come and you will make them pleasing to God because you will abide in the vine, the Word, the Living Word. You will find the rest you need in Jesus. Abide through prayer, through fellowship that offers more hope than tips and techniques, through friends that listen rather than lecture. Abide in the Word of comfort and hope. Now is not the time to slice and dice doctrine. And one more thing. Run away from anyone that tells you to quit or bad mouths your wife. Your name is perseverance.

Exactly! And HE is using this for his glory! My prayer has been for the last several weeks that: (1) the men of our church would be the husbands God has called us to be, and (2) the women of the church would be the wives God has called them to be. God is honoring that prayer because it is ( I believe) in line w/ his will. All I have ever wanted to be was a vessel for his glory! Our pastor has also been connected to the vine, and is being used to deliver a series of messages along what I have been going through. He preached on temptation yesterday, and used the illustration of texting (along w/ other temptations) that might start out as completely innocent, but could end up in flirting,etc.

My wife and I went to a movie Saturday night. Not holding hands yet, but it was a start. I got to sit w/ her in church ( I'm usually in the chior), and I actually got my arm around her, but not touching her.

 

[mkgal1]

Exactly! And HE is using this for his glory! My prayer has been for the last several weeks that: (1) the men of our church would be the husbands God has called us to be, and (2) the women of the church would be the wives God has called them to be. God is honoring that prayer because it is ( I believe) in line w/ his will. All I have ever wanted to be was a vessel for his glory! Our pastor has also been connected to the vine, and is being used to deliver a series of messages along what I have been going through. He preached on temptation yesterday, and used the illustration of texting (along w/ other temptations) that might start out as completely innocent, but could end up in flirting,etc.

My wife and I went to a movie Saturday night. Not holding hands yet, but it was a start. I got to sit w/ her in church ( I'm usually in the chior), and I actually got my arm around her, but not touching her.

Those are honorable prayers....but, just a thought....instead of focusing on the masses....keep it personal.

That is great that you enjoyed some time together.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Exactly! And HE is using this for his glory! My prayer has been for the last several weeks that: (1) the men of our church would be the husbands God has called us to be, and (2) the women of the church would be the wives God has called them to be. God is honoring that prayer because it is ( I believe) in line w/ his will. All I have ever wanted to be was a vessel for his glory! Our pastor has also been connected to the vine, and is being used to deliver a series of messages along what I have been going through. He preached on temptation yesterday, and used the illustration of texting (along w/ other temptations) that might start out as completely innocent, but could end up in flirting,etc.

My wife and I went to a movie Saturday night. Not holding hands yet, but it was a start. I got to sit w/ her in church ( I'm usually in the chior), and I actually got my arm around her, but not touching her.

Awesome! Did you get to smell her hair too?

 

[Jesus Freak62]

Awesome! Did you get to smell her hair too?

No!

 

[jham123]

LOL....perseverance.......perseverance my man...keep up the good fight.

 

[Jesus Freak62]

Getting better. She's back to talking to me more and more. I have noticed that I have relaxed back to my old single ways. I didn't get married until I was 34. When you live alone, you solve most of your problems alone. I'm always trying to fix things instead of listening. I have been working really hard @ humbling myself in my marriage, as I do unto the Lord, and I am beginning to see the Lord bear fruit in our marriage. PRAISE GOD!

Thank you all for your prayers!!

 

[Romanseight2005]

Getting better. She's back to talking to me more and more. I have noticed that I have relaxed back to my old single ways. I didn't get married until I was 34. When you live alone, you solve most of your problems alone. I'm always trying to fix things instead of listening. I have been working really hard @ humbling myself in my marriage, as I do unto the Lord, and I am beginning to see the Lord bear fruit in our marriage. PRAISE GOD!

Thank you all for your prayers!!

Praying!

 

[mkgal1]

Getting better. She's back to talking to me more and more. I have noticed that I have relaxed back to my old single ways. I didn't get married until I was 34. When you live alone, you solve most of your problems alone. I'm always trying to fix things instead of listening. I have been working really hard @ humbling myself in my marriage, as I do unto the Lord, and I am beginning to see the Lord bear fruit in our marriage. PRAISE GOD!

Thank you all for your prayers!!

That is awesome JF...I am cheering with you...and continuing to pray as well.

 

[hitmark]

Hey Jesus Freak62,

Do you have visited any expert? I strongly recommend to contact an relationship expert.

 

[Jesus Freak62]

I just wanted to tell you that our marriage is getting back on track, not perfect, but the ashes are beginning to reignite. If there is one thing I learned (but there were many things I learned) it is your marriage to your spouse is just like your marriage to our heavenly Father. You can't take either one for granted. I took my marriage to my wife for granted.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I just wanted to tell you that our marriage is getting back on track, not perfect, but the ashes are beginning to reignite. If there is one thing I learned (but there were many things I learned) it is your marriage to your spouse is just like your marriage to our heavenly Father. You can't take either one for granted. I took my marriage to my wife for granted.

Amen!

 

[mkgal1]

Awesome to hear, JF. I came across a few articles...I hope you don't mind my sharing them.

Finding Hope When Your Relationship Is Struggling (may read entire article by following link)

Hope comes from patience. When Paul encouraged the believers in Thessalonica he declared, "We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers, remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ" (1 Thess. 1:2-3). Notice that Paul connected faith, love and patience of hope together in this passage. Patience will naturally result in any heart that loves and believes in the Lord. If you love your spouse you will also be patient with their faults. Paul declared that "love is patient and kind" (1 Cor. 13:4). But, how does patience inspire hope? Notice that Paul taught that patience is the primary characteristic of love and that love hopes all things (1 Cor. 13:7). When you are lovingly patient with your spouse it is because you are hopeful that change is possible. God has patience with you because He is hopeful you can change. You must show that same patience with your spouse. You will also be patiently hopeful because you understand that no one changes quickly. Jesus even acknowledged that the disciples were "slow of heart to believe" (Luke 24:25). I think you would agree we are all slow of heart to believe and obey.

The Spark Plug Of Your Marriage (full article linked)

The Spark Plug of Your Marriage.
One of the smallest parts of every car on the road today is a spark plug. Though it seems insignificant, it is essential to the function of the car. Without your spark plugs your car will not work. Why is this? It is very simple. The spark plug ignites the fuel mixture that produces the power that ultimately moves your car. Apply this simple illustration to your marriage relationship.
Have you ever wondered what keeps the spark of passion in your marriage? What makes your relationship work? There is a power source to your marriage just like a spark plug. This source of power keeps your marriage moving forward. Do you know what it is? Are you at a place where you don’t sense the excitement in your relationship anymore? Are you looking for something to motivate you again in your relationship? Is it possible to get that spark back again that you once had? I believe it is very possible, if you know what to do.
When your car won’t start in the morning what do you do? Of course you would take your car to a mechanic. He knows just where to look to find the problem and fix it. One of the first things any mechanic will check is your spark plugs to determine if they are firing properly. Why? Because the spark plugs are one of the most fundamental items that make your engine run efficiently.
So, if you have lost the passion for your spouse or he or she has lost that spark of love for you, you need to allow the Lord, the divine mechanic, to have a look under your hood. He can fix what is needed. Are you willing?

 

[Jesus Freak62]

Thanks, I agree w/ that totally!

 

[Xain]

Hi I am in the same boat JF was in at the start of this thread. what I find difficult to comprehend are these words "I don't love you anymore" - firstly sorry to hijack this thread I am ver glad things are getting better it gave me hope to read initial posts, see the prayers and then that all is going well. It has made my day better having read your story. My wife has indeed uttered the words that at first I was surprised did not affect me much but now ring over and over in my body causing me deep pain. Considering that I have no intention to ever stop loving my wife. I find the only ones in this world who love me are my children. Yet I feel I am having to draw nearer to God through what is an exceptionally difficult time. I can only hope that it is not God's plan to bring me into marriage and then put me through this?