Women offline vs. online

[MacFall]

I don't know whether I'm the only one who has noticed this, but the women I know offline seem to be radically different in terms of their personalities and preferences in men than those I have met online.

Whereas ladies on the internet apparently tend to find me physically attractive, I have yet to meet one such person offline. I have met a few women offline who thought I was generally attractive despite my looks, but none who actually thought I was good-looking.

Online ladies seem to be attracted to intelligent, eloquent and erudite men. I know of only two such ladies offline; one is married and the other is related to me.

Women online seem to care more about meaning and are more willing to analyze things and discuss them in depth. The vast majority of women I know offline find it annoying when I try to bring up any sort of meaningful conversation.

So I'm wondering why this is. I have a theory on the first one, that getting to know a person before being aware of what they look like may influence one's perception of their appearance. But on the others, I'm stumped. Are these actual differences between people, or do people actually act differently online? Maybe intellectual persons are more attracted to the internet than to face-to-face relations?

Or is it just my own experience, and not common at all?

 

[Inkachu]

Bear in mind that the people you meet online tend to be a very small sampling of "the general public". And if you're hanging out, say, here on CF, you're talking to people from all over the world with a distinct set of beliefs. It's not like, if you took 10 random girls off the street, they'd all be CF-ish girls; chances are, they wouldn't be.

Genuine, nice, Christian singles ARE hard to find. That's why we're all here, from all over the globe, trying to run into others like ourselves

 

[overit]

I think online can definately create a false sense of intimacy-from couples who meet online to people who chat as friends online. That's where I think you see the difference in how they relate to you. Possibly?

 

[broken_one]

Not the only person, bro. I know how you feel. I know that you can walk into a church like mine of literally thousands of churchgoers and their families, but the amount of ladies that you're looking for is about zero. Then when you try and switch to maybe a little less Christian women (they still say they are, so I feel bad even calling them "lesser"), and they burn you or humiliate you publicly and privately. And even if they are what you want and you think you could really do something there, they shut you down faster than they did Napster in the '90s.

It's terrible, man.


I'm actually kind of glad I was forced to take a break because the situation is so terrible that I missed quite literally nothing.

 

[Blank123]

i think another factor may be the kind of people who tend to use the internet on a regular basis as a means to meet others. and this site in particular

but yes. i never meet the kind of men IRL that i tend to meet here. seems cruel in a way

 

[Im_A]

I don't know whether I'm the only one who has noticed this, but the women I know offline seem to be radically different in terms of their personalities and preferences in men than those I have met online.

Whereas ladies on the internet apparently tend to find me physically attractive, I have yet to meet one such person offline. I have met a few women offline who thought I was generally attractive despite my looks, but none who actually thought I was good-looking.

Online ladies seem to be attracted to intelligent, eloquent and erudite men. I know of only two such ladies offline; one is married and the other is related to me.

Women online seem to care more about meaning and are more willing to analyze things and discuss them in depth. The vast majority of women I know offline find it annoying when I try to bring up any sort of meaningful conversation.

So I'm wondering why this is. I have a theory on the first one, that getting to know a person before being aware of what they look like may influence one's perception of their appearance. But on the others, I'm stumped. Are these actual differences between people, or do people actually act differently online? Maybe intellectual persons are more attracted to the internet than to face-to-face relations?

Or is it just my own experience, and not common at all?

All I can say is:
When you have time to sit down and talk on a monitor, of course it will seem that women online will want to have meaningful conversation, as compared to going up to someone who is a stranger and talking when immediately they have to make a choice in regards to them being attracted to you or not.

I really wouldn't get so deep into this one if I would be you.

 

[MacFall]

Bear in mind that the people you meet online tend to be a very small sampling of "the general public". And if you're hanging out, say, here on CF, you're talking to people from all over the world with a distinct set of beliefs. It's not like, if you took 10 random girls off the street, they'd all be CF-ish girls; chances are, they wouldn't be.

Genuine, nice, Christian singles ARE hard to find. That's why we're all here, from all over the globe, trying to run into others like ourselves

Sure. But why is it that "CF-ish girls" seem to think that guys like me are fantastic at a ratio that is pretty much the inverse of those I know in real life (and that's being generous to real life)? That's what I want to know - if there's a certain kind of woman who tends to congregate online but who is rare enough that one is unlikely to meet her offline. And if so, what is different between that woman and the other 99.99% of her sex?

 

[LadyL]

i think another factor may be the kind of people who tend to use the internet on a regular basis as a means to meet others. and this site in particular

but yes. i never meet the kind of men IRL that i tend to meet here. seems cruel in a way

Yeah, they are really some Godly men on here I admire, shame I don't run into these types offline more, I could really love to get into discussion about a lot of stuff.

 

[Inkachu]

Sure. But why is it that "CF-ish girls" seem to think that guys like me are fantastic at a ratio that is pretty much the inverse of those I know in real life (and that's being generous to real life)? That's what I want to know - if there's a certain kind of woman who tends to congregate online but who is rare enough that one is unlikely to meet her offline. And if so, what is different between that woman and the other 99.99% of her sex?

Maybe cause the girls/women here are the ones who aren't frequenting bars and clubs and other typical "meeting places"; they're working jobs, studying at colleges, and don't have a lot of free time? Just a guess.

 

[Themistocles]

Women and men who spend time on message boards/forums aren't much like the rest of the world. They're smarter, they're more introverted, they're more introspective; they're less socially adept but more fluent; they're just all kinds of different. Which makes sense, really. Online communities, no matter how vibrant, are poor substitutes for real life communities. Those who have the option of participating fully in real life communities are less likely to search out the online alternative. And what sort of people don't generally have that option? Those who are isolated. So the groups are bound to be different and we're bound to get different reactions from each. Plus there's also this: we get to "hear" each other before we see each other. If we like what we hear- if we like what someone else is writing- we're more likely to want to like their appearance.

 

[ulu]

I disagree with a lot of that. Too many sweeping generalizations. There's no shortage of extremely smart people in the world, many of whom have vibrant lives apart from the online community.

As to the OP, these online women who think you're happening-have you met any of them? Talk is cheap, as they say.

 

[MacFall]

No, I haven't. But despite my reluctance to believe that I'm not an entirely unattractive person, I can't believe that so many women on this forum would lie to me.

 

[septemberskies]

I know I'm different offline. I'm very shy and introverted. My bestfriends know me as more fun and goofy in person... but I clam up when new people come around.

 

[BRISH]

I don't know whether I'm the only one who has noticed this, but the women I know offline seem to be radically different in terms of their personalities and preferences in men than those I have met online.

Whereas ladies on the internet apparently tend to find me physically attractive, I have yet to meet one such person offline. I have met a few women offline who thought I was generally attractive despite my looks, but none who actually thought I was good-looking.

Online ladies seem to be attracted to intelligent, eloquent and erudite men. I know of only two such ladies offline; one is married and the other is related to me.

Women online seem to care more about meaning and are more willing to analyze things and discuss them in depth. The vast majority of women I know offline find it annoying when I try to bring up any sort of meaningful conversation.

So I'm wondering why this is. I have a theory on the first one, that getting to know a person before being aware of what they look like may influence one's perception of their appearance. But on the others, I'm stumped. Are these actual differences between people, or do people actually act differently online? Maybe intellectual persons are more attracted to the internet than to face-to-face relations?

Or is it just my own experience, and not common at all?

I did some test recently. I think it was called a Meyer Briggs test. Anyways, the result of mine kind of relates to my thought on this.

It's easier to more open online. Believe it or not, some are very articulate in writing but stutter or painfully chop up anything they are trying to say while in person.

So, it may be that some in person actually find you attractive but they don't have the nerve to tell you. Online it's easier to communicate these emotions without a face staring at you. It may be that there really is a "different" kind of people that are more likely to be online; therefore, you ARE meeting different kinds of women online with different tastes. I think the latter is a key thing and that's where my mention of that test comes in. It discussed this reality.

To add: some may find it frustrating to have an ideal of a person (from getting to know each other online) just to have it not be true in person. Visually, this may be the case. Not sure what you're speaking of. Personally though, I love the fact that you can REALLY get to know somone in this atmosphere. There are communication opportunities and a freedom in openness that you just don't find as easily as you do in person. I love that.

 

[ulu]

But despite my reluctance to believe that I'm not an entirely unattractive person, I can't believe that so many women on this forum would lie to me.

I didn't mean to imply they're lying; just that it's a different deal offline vs online, as you know.

I think it would be very interesting to meet people from here, because I think most would be quite different than anticipated.

 

[jameseb]

I disagree with a lot of that. Too many sweeping generalizations. There's no shortage of extremely smart people in the world, many of whom have vibrant lives apart from the online community.

I completely agree. In fact, the smartest (or at least the most successful) people that I know never touch message boards... wait, does that mean I'm not smart??? :o

 

[Blank123]

I didn't mean to imply they're lying; just that it's a different deal offline vs online, as you know.

I think it would be very interesting to meet people from here, because I think most would be quite different than anticipated.

hence why we should really have an actual get-together for CF peoples one day

 

[Miles]

I disagree with a lot of that. Too many sweeping generalizations. There's no shortage of extremely smart people in the world, many of whom have vibrant lives apart from the online community.

There seems to be a higher percentage of smart and interesting people on certain message boards, but that doesn't mean there aren't lots smart and interesting folks IRL.

 

[Blank123]

There seems to be a higher percentage of smart and interesting people on certain message boards, but that doesn't mean there aren't lots smart and interesting folks IRL.

nope. they're all here. all of them.yeah.

 

[toastface_grillah]

hence why we should really have an actual get-together for CF peoples one day

We should! Whatever happened to the big plans for NC this summer? We had a sixteen page thread full of "hey, let's do it," and then... nothin'.

As for the topic; I have a slight diversion: for people who gchat/facebook chat with their IRL friends, do they ever seem different - either more or less talkative - online than offline?