Not Good Now

bartony

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I try not to ever have to complain about much in my life, because I know others have far more and worse problems than me. But this morning, I am finding myself feeling overwhelmed and just plain wishing God would take me on home to be with Him and Barb.

The loss of her has been and is all I can handle and more. But that hasn't been enough. I have recently had a new problem develop with my existing hearing problems, and it nearly drives me over a wall.

Due to hypersensitive hearing, I have to wear ear plugs when going out. For the past two weeks, I have noticed a ridiculously loud increase in low frequencies with my own voice in my left ear. I have just about given up talking when I have those ear plugs in. It drives me crazy. I am to see an ear Dr. Feb. 22nd, but I'm afraid there is nothing he can do.

I am waking up wishing I was with Barb and Jesus. I am sorry for such a bummer of a post, but I just can't bottle things up. I didn't need anything else stacked on top of my broken heart and grief, but got it anyway.

Thanks for your prayers for me now.
 

bartony

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Hello, Gail-

Thanks so much. I've already seen one grief counselor, he cut me loose, said I was doing normally, grief-wise, but said to call if I needed him. He was nice, but I feel I need more in the way of a counselor, and have left two calls on answering machines with two others checking up on thier fees, if they can help me, etc.

I thank you for your prayers, Gail. I'm ready for all of this to pass. The ear problem is kind of blocking out the grief process, but I'm trying to not let it.

God bless
 
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nChrist

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Brother Tony,

You will remain in my prayers every day. I will be praying that the doctor can give you some relief with your ear problems. Please be open with your doctor and tell him everything. Some of these problems might be directly related to stress, nerves, and what you are going through right now. You might be pleasantly surprised to find out what your doctor can do to help you.

KEEP LOOKING UP!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (KJV) 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
 
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bartony

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Thanks, Bro. Tom. I do appreciate those prayers. I just got a call from one of the counselors and start seeing him Feb. 23rd. I see the ear Dr. the day before. I also hope he can help. I'm afraid it's going to be a tough thing to figure out. Our local ear doctors aren't as "up on the latest" as those in larger cities and teaching hospitals.

I wouldn't doubt a lot of this really is from my loss and the grief. I didn't have this strange hearing quality with my ear plugs until after weeks of crying and hurting.

Great Scripture too. Thanks again, so much, Brother Tom & God bless always,

Tony
 
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leytonstones

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Tony,

I am sorry you are feeling this way but it is to be expected - really. "Keep Looking Up". As Jim would tell you - everyday we have a choice. Please keep looking up and looking around at those to whom you can extend the love of Jesus. Your time will come but it is not yet. Are you familiar with Bill Gaither's song "Because He Lives"? I think that might be a comfort to you.

With regard to your hearing problem - have you had a second opinion? Have you had an MRI scan? Do you think it would help to join a support group for sufferers of tinnitus?

Blessings

Ley
 
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bartony

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Hi, Ley-

I've had a little better day today so far with the weird effect in the ears. Sure am very familiar with Because He Lives in fact, it was played over the music system at Barb's service! That's a great song we've sang in church all my life. It sure tells it right. I don't know if this is the place or not, but let me share a radio clip from David Jeremiah. I listened to it and was crying by the end. I learned a new thing or two from this clip. DavidJeremiah.org - Radio

It's been a sad day for me, understandably being Valentine's Day. Last year I had a sweety to get roses and things for. I can't hold a candle to the nice things she has now!

I am seeing an ear Dr. Feb. 23rd, believe it is. Today, they have been better, so it will be tricky to find out what is doing this. I suspect a eustachian tube problem maybe one being more tight than the other making them sound out of balance. I think all this crying and grief caused this too. I was fine until my loss. I've been on a tinnitus forum since '04 I think it is. They're still trying to find a cure for that problem with ears. Maybe one day they will.

God bless, Ley, see you later,

Tony
 
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revrobor

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Hello Tony:

I haven't been here in a while but felt led to respond to your post. I will be 78 in April. I still have my lovely wife (she's 18 years my junior) and we celebrated 40 years together last month. I lost a son five years ago so I can appreciate your grief and I have asked the Lord to comfort you. But I think you might need to learn something I've learned. I retired two years ago and discovered as long as God leaves me here on Earth I am not done living. He has things for me to do. For me I believe He would have me in a film ministry. I spend 26 years in the movie theatre business and would like to open a "family friendly" theatre. I just need to find a private backer. So if He will put this on my heart I'm sure He will give you something to live for. Hang in there Brother and seek His will for you.
 
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bartony

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Hi, revrobor,

That is wonderful about the 40 years. I would have given my rt. arm for that long with Barb! I'm mighty happy for ya'll. I am sorry though, to learn of your loss of the son. I know that hurt like nothing else.

I will just pray that the theater works out! That is a great thing. I'm hanging in. Just some days, I wonder why. One day, I will know when we all get to heaven.

Thanks for very encouraging words, revrobor.

God bless-
 
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servant of Merciful Love

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Hello Tony:

I haven't been here in a while but felt led to respond to your post. I will be 78 in April. I still have my lovely wife (she's 18 years my junior) and we celebrated 40 years together last month. I lost a son five years ago so I can appreciate your grief and I have asked the Lord to comfort you. But I think you might need to learn something I've learned. I retired two years ago and discovered as long as God leaves me here on Earth I am not done living. He has things for me to do. For me I believe He would have me in a film ministry. I spend 26 years in the movie theatre business and would like to open a "family friendly" theatre. I just need to find a private backer. So if He will put this on my heart I'm sure He will give you something to live for. Hang in there Brother and seek His will for you.
Welcome back :wave:
So sorry to hear about your son:(
Hoping your dream comes to life!
God bless + :angel:

. I'm hanging in. Just some days, I wonder why. One day, I will know when we all get to heaven.

You are in my thoughts and prayers Tony :pray: :hug:
 
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Pilgrim1951

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Hi Tony. The fact that you are aware there will be good days and bad days shows you are getting a little better. Valentine's day was bitter sweet for me this year as well. My Danny is still here with me, but just barely. He couldn't focus enough to read the card I got him, so I read it to him. I got him a little red and white stuffed dog. Then put them both on a stool next to his bed so he could see them. I am grateful for this last Valentine's Day with him. Like you, he always celebrated Valentine's in a very romantic way. He is an incurable romantic. I had never had that in my life. I found romance at 55, imagine that. I am glad you are seeking out more counseling. Just because the one counselor felt finished, doen't mean you should be. All Danny's children and grandchildren are now here in town. Many friends and relatives have come to see him. Watching him suffer is tearing my heart out. I am wanting the Lord to take him home, but only when he and God are ready. God bless you, Tony, I believe you and Barb had the kind of love Danny and I share. I am grateful for any amount of time I have been able to share this life with my sweetheart. We both wanted it to be much longer than 3 years, but we trust God in His wisdom. Many times we can't know what He has in mind for us. Just know that your journey with him is continuing. I pray that through your sorrow He places a joy in your heart and a excitment for the continuing adventure of your earthly life, until He calls you home and you can be together with your precious Barb again. Luv and blessings. Margie
 
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bartony

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Oh, what a precious post. I'm about to cry... My heart goes out to you and Danny this a.m. I've never read a more touching post. What a trying and rough road we walk. My heart breaks for you, and I know those feelings. The only difference with Barb was she went suddenly and unexpectantly. I knew she wasn't doing that well, but I had hope they could get her doing well enough to come home and be on close home health care, if we had to get another bed for a 24 hour nurse. But, she was taken on out into Heaven. The suffering Barb had gone through in her years here, I realize it was a blessing for her to pass to Jesus, but it's sure a rough go for me. I woke up this a.m. feeling worse and like crying. Little by little, I guess we get there.

I can sure see how watching Danny suffer is so very hard on you. It breaks your heart to see this, then it breaks again when they finally leave, but at least we can know their suffering is done forever. No more pain will ever touch them.

I believe that too, about the kind of love the four of us have known.

I appreciate your post so much, Pilgrim. I don't know what God has in mind for me yet, can now, only see loneliness and little health problems bugging me, but surely He will make this all come clear for me before much longer.

My prayers and love are with you both, and thanks again, Margie. I'm here any time you need to talk, can even give you my email on pm, if you wish.

:hug:

Tony
 
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nChrist

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All of those who are facing difficult times will remain in my prayers. It helps me to concentrate on the beautiful Promises of God when I'm having a hard time. As Christians, God Created us for Eternity, and this short life is not all there is. In fact, this short life is like the blink of an eye compared to Eternity with our Lord and Saviour.

Revelation 21:4-6 KJV And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. 5 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful. 6 And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.


Revelation 21:10-23 KJV 10 And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God, 11 Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal; 12 And had a wall great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel: 13 On the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates; and on the west three gates. 14 And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and in them the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. 15 And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof. 16 And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal. 17 And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel. 18 And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass. 19 And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones. The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald; 20 The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst. 21 And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass. 22 And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it. 23 And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.


Revelation 22:1-8 KJV And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb. 2 In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. 3 And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him: 4 And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads. 5 And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever. 6 And he said unto me, These sayings are faithful and true: and the Lord God of the holy prophets sent his angel to shew unto his servants the things which must shortly be done. 7 Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book. 8 And I John saw these things, and heard them. And when I had heard and seen, I fell down to worship before the feet of the angel which shewed me these things.
 
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Pilgrim1951

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Please pray for my Danny, he is hanging on and is really suffering now. We have told him that we are all going to be alright, he has said he is ready to go home to be with Jesus, but his body keeps going. The hospice nurse said he is fighting it. He has always been a person who perseveres, and stays firm in whatever he does. But that quality now is hindering his passing. I trust God with His timing. If there is something unfinished, please ask that the Holy Spirit reveal it. God bless you all. Thank you.

:hug::hug::hug:
 
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