man o' man, praise be to God!!
i've been where the threadstarter is at asking the very same questions, thinking christianity was a bunch of hogwash and boulderdash. then God, in his great mercy, revealed himself to me in a real way(may his name be praised). allow me to share my testimony.
for as long as i can remember i was into inappropriate contentagraphy. many times in my walk with God i tried to get away from it on my own strength. i would delete my hard drive, i would give my computer up to someone else, i did accountability partners. none of it worked. i would either find other ways to get inappropriate content like going to inappropriate contentshops or video stores to rent movies, i would go over someone else house who had the web and watch it there, or i would eventually just get my computer back from whoever i gave it to. when i got my computer back, i would totally crash. i would accumulate twice as much inappropriate content than what i had at first and would find new ways to get inappropriate content and watch inappropriate content. this cycle would go on, and on, and on for me.
while at church some guys where having a convo on spiritual matters and i overheard them mention that verse in matthew 12:43-45:
43"When an evil[f] spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. 44Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first
i went home that sunday thinking about this verse and how i so badly wanted to get free from inappropriate content. i thought about trying to let my friend keep my computer but i knew that eventually(usually within a week) i would go right back to inappropriate content again. i decided that i was gonna give it another go but instead of trying stop on my own efforts, i was gonna pray and believe in God to step in. i included that scripture about the demons in my prayer saying that when i throw this demon out that when it tries to come back that it would find that the holy spirit was occupying the house, that the holy spirit would fill the vacancy that inappropriate content left. its now been almost 2 months and i have not gone back to watching inappropriate content. and its not like im going around saying to myself "dont look at inappropriate content, dont look at inappropriate content, dont look at inappropriate content" i just dont do it, without thinking about it, without any real effort or struggle.
God has also been dealing with my social isolation. i used to go to church, not talk to anyone, not look at anyone and sit in the back of the church by myself(i had been like this for 10 years). i didnt go to any church functions, had recently decided to totally quit bible study group, and was on the verge of walking away from church altogether. now im talking to everyone, i sit in the front row with people in my bible study group and i'm going to group while not feeling like i suck and dont belong. i've also gotten to the point where i can worship God during praise service, something i had not been able to do for the past decade as well. none of it feels like im doing it by my own effort, its the holy spirit changing my heart and directing my path.
as far as the questions you have(trust me, i've asked the same questions), understand that if God's existence could be proven there would be no need for faith. faith and proof are like night and day, one cant exist if the other is present. i dont need faith to know i have a laptop, i can just look at it sitting in my basement and know its there.
this might sound cliche but im saying this because this is how it happened for me. tell someone who you confide in how you are feeling and have them pray for you. do this as often as you can. and as someone already mentioned pray for God to reveal himself to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened. and above everything else, and this is gonna sound cliche too but its for real...
DO NOT GIVE UP!!!