family issues

[Shubunkin]

With the continued snippiness here, I'm leaving again. Bye... not coming back. It's been too hard through the years.

 

[Julina]

getting back on topic (kind of)...

this is such an awful, awful thing to say but sometimes i feel like church would be a whole lot better if my friend didn't even have to be there at all. i told the priest a little, so he knows we're having issues, but i haven't told him the whole story. during the week i feel like it could help maybe i just spill my guts one of these days, but then when i actually get to church on the weekends it doesn't seem necessary because my friend is all nice to me again. it's like a never-ending cycle, and i just don't know what to do. i wish this could be easily dealt with
ps. i didn't tell the whole story here either, so no one's out of the loop. every single person i talk to says that he's the one who has issues though. so why should i have to suffer?

 

[Xpycoctomos]

were you guys dating or... did you post what the issue is? it's not necessary if you wish not to share the details. i just didn't know if you already had.

Xpy

 

[bliz]

It sounds like the only reservation your father really has about the church is your transportation there. Sounds like you share some of his feelings about that matter...

Can the church help you find transportation with someone else?

 

[Julina]

were you guys dating or... did you post what the issue is? it's not necessary if you wish not to share the details. i just didn't know if you already had.

Xpy

i don't think i ever posted any details.
we weren't dating. he and i just really liked each other, but he will never ever want to date me simply because i have ADD/depression, which means that i don't fit his "standards" for a woman. i've asked him about this, such as what if i had cancer or any other debilitating disease (he says that's physical, not mental) or what if he marries a woman who gets Alzheimer's or some other brain problems when they grow old (his answer: he'll be able to tell if that'll happen when he's dating the girl).
So i figured he's a little out of touch with reality and that maybe both he and i were just too immature to date each other right now. fine. but then i come back to school this year, and he's dating one of my best friends, which went against everything he ever told me: he wouldn't date until he's out of college and ready to get married, he wouldn't date someone who's not Orthodox (or at least a Christian) and he wouldn't date this particular girl. so basically, i feel like i've been lied to and betrayed by both of them and that they're doing this just to spite me. He says that he "changed his mind" about this girl, which only tells me that he can just change his mind again about me. i just think he's a little comfused.

 

[Julina]

It sounds like the only reservation your father really has about the church is your transportation there. Sounds like you share some of his feelings about that matter...

Can the church help you find transportation with someone else?

no my dad has other reservations, but i think the transportation issue is just an excuse. and it's not even that; he doesn't think i should be anywhere near this guy cuz of all the pain he caused me. but i just might have to look into other ways to get there.

 

[JasonV]

My whole family was Catholic until the stupid bishop (won't mention his name) in the 1970s made a comment that it would be better if a Catholic smoked pot than discriminate against Blacks.

That's awesome! What a cool Bishop!

So, I followed my heart and entered a cloistered community of nuns. My parents really freaked out then. Then when the nuns had a retreat about Buddhism, I left.

What for? Were they trying to convert you to Buddhism? You don't like Thomas Merton?

 

[All4Christ]

Julina - I truly feel for you with this! I can't write too much now (have to be up early tomorrow morning), but I want you to know that as much as this hurts - you really have to push through for what you believe and what you know to be true. When I was in church every Sunday, the words "Blessed are they that are persecuted for my names sake" was a comfort to me. While my parents didn't shun me, and while they still loved me, their reaction to me wanting to go to an Orthodox Church - and not feeling like I can just hop churches to any denomination - was very difficult. Some of the things said were very hurtful, and I know that there are issues that we are working out now. They finally have come to the point that they know I am resolute in my decision - and that they actually respect me needing to make the choice for myself. They even came to my chrismation! I doubt they will ever approve, and I know that we will continue to have issues regarding this - but I know that God will always be there for me as this goes on. Keep on pressing on - and God will be there by your side... And if you get discouraged - there are lots of converts here on TAW! We've all gone through things that probably are similar to what you're going through. I know others have helped me in the past while I was getting through my family issues.

 

[cassc]

i don't think i ever posted any details.
we weren't dating. he and i just really liked each other, but he will never ever want to date me simply because i have ADD/depression, which means that i don't fit his "standards" for a woman. i've asked him about this, such as what if i had cancer or any other debilitating disease (he says that's physical, not mental) or what if he marries a woman who gets Alzheimer's or some other brain problems when they grow old (his answer: he'll be able to tell if that'll happen when he's dating the girl).
So i figured he's a little out of touch with reality and that maybe both he and i were just too immature to date each other right now. fine. but then i come back to school this year, and he's dating one of my best friends, which went against everything he ever told me: he wouldn't date until he's out of college and ready to get married, he wouldn't date someone who's not Orthodox (or at least a Christian) and he wouldn't date this particular girl. so basically, i feel like i've been lied to and betrayed by both of them and that they're doing this just to spite me. He says that he "changed his mind" about this girl, which only tells me that he can just change his mind again about me. i just think he's a little confused.

I think confused is putting it mildly. You're both young and young people can be fickle, plus guys, Orthodox or not, are not always gems. This guy sounds like coal. I had a very close guy friend in college how literally did a 180 between Freshman and Sophomore years. I still adore the guy he was unfortunitly he's really not that guy anymore. We've stay friends but the relationship never went were we both would have liked it, it just wasn't going to happen. I would try really hard to to give yourself distance from him but don't do it by staying away from church!

 

[Julina]

I would try really hard to to give yourself distance from him but don't do it by staying away from church!

that's the hardest part

 

[cassc]

that's the hardest part

I know, really I do. If you get someone else to give you a ride to church do you think you can keep your distance, is it a big enough parish that you can be in separate circles?

 

[Julina]

I know, really I do. If you get someone else to give you a ride to church do you think you can keep your distance, is it a big enough parish that you can be in separate circles?

i think so, as long as HE doesn't come in and stands right next to me. but if he tries that ever again then i'll just move. but like i said, he's all nice to me at church so none of this seems like a big deal when we're actually there. maybe i should just wait until i actually burst into tears in the middle of a service or something. i hope that never happens.

 

[cassc]

Crying in Church is not good (unless of course you're crying over the beauty of the service!) If you haven't already, you're going to have to talk to him. Not necessarily to confront him with his action because that might be a lot for you but at least you need to tell him that you're having a tough time and you don't want to be around him right now. (If this is getting too personal and you want to keep chatting about this off the tread you can PM me) You have a lot on your plate right now, make sure that you are reflecting on your priorities, don't let school and your relationships with other people suffer, for I short time I did and I really regretted it...

 

[Julina]

i really just don't know why this is affecting me so badly

 

[Philothei]

I think prayers should help you dealing with them. Do not feel bad even us Orthodox sometimes have to deal with parental wishes... Like everything I would just keep praying for them and my journey. Your first priority is to talk to your priest.