The adoption process is a pain in the heiny here.
The mother must keep the baby for 2 weeks post natal, this is to ensure that she doesnt want to change her mind, you know, all the usual.
A story that came out here recently, a young woman who got pregnant didnt want to have the baby, so decided to give the child up for adoption. She chose the birth parents, people she knew and trusted, and wanted to arrange it so she could go the the hospital have the baby and then hand the baby over to the adoptive parents to be, she felt if she had the baby for any particular length of time, it would create a bond which would make it much harder to give the child up.
CYFS (who are the child welfare agency) told this woman that she couldnt do that, and would have to look after the baby for two weeks, or they would oppose the adoption. Her parents couldnt get paid for looking after the child, yet if they were to employ a stranger (any stranger) to look after the baby, CYFS would pay them.
In the end, the child still got adopted out, however the birth mother ended up bonding with the child and it made it really hard to let go of the baby
The system sucks, figuratively speaking, I think the only way to fix cyfs is to bomb it off the map and start over.
Wow... that is heart breaking for a mom to bond for 2 weeks with her newborn and then go through the adoption process. In most situations, it takes great love and sacrifice for a mom to give up her baby.
Obviously I am a strong supporter of adoption.
I am adopted, and my case actually led to some serious work on adoption laws because my bio mom kept changing her mind.
I have also given up a baby for adoption. This is not anything I've ever shared on this site before. I got pregnant when I was 19 and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (my only one) who turned 14 this year. I don't have contact with her, but I know that the parents she was placed with are wonderful people, Christians, and her older sister is also adopted.
I never considered abortion while I was pregnant, although I didn't tell my parents until I was about 6 months along. I was scared to death to tell them, because we were such a strong religious family, and it was compounded by the fact that I was date raped by someone who I really liked.
In the end, though, I was able to give someone else something they couldn't have otherwise, and that was another baby. I can't feel bad about anything that happened back then simply because of this fact. Truly, everything happens to the glory of God.
And I'm sorry if this got a little too personal for anyone...
My mom was 4 years old when her mom had gotten ill and couldn't take care of her anymore. At first, her mom's sister took care of my mom and my mom's half brother as well. They decided to keep her half brother and adopt her out to her grandparents. My mom never knew her real dad and her real mom pretty much cut her off and wouldn't have anything to do with her.
The good news is that her adoptive grand parents were wonderful to her. Her grandpa was a doctor and she grew up in a real nice neighborhood and nice home with her own horse and well... she had a very very very nice life. They loved her very much.
My mom's real mom never wanted to keep in contact with my mom until much later on in life. One day when I was a teen, my mom's mom called and we talked a bit. But by then, my mom just couldn't bring herself to the phone to talk with her mom. Her situation is a lot different than the normal adoption process. I really believe that when adoption is done correctly and when parents embrace their child fully and love them, it is a miracle for both child and parents.
I can honestly say that I wouldn't have that strength but for two things: my supportive family and my faith.
Sure, my folks were disappointed, since they had always talked about saving ourselves for marriage, but they are also the type that once a thing is in motion, they get on board and they are there for the duration. I imagine they couldn't be like that without their faith, either.
My mom is like that too. She taught me to have strong values and even though she wasn't a Christian at the time, she encouraged me to embrace my Christian faith.
I think my mom would of been shocked and stunned if I had gotten pregnant before getting married, but like your parents, she would have been supportive throughout the duration. My sister must of broken her in some.
what a blessing that turned out to be!
i was brought up the opposite way and the thought of NOT having an abortion never crossed my mind when i wound up pregnant twice.
still healing from it...
im always amazed at how God saved me from that mess I made and still continues to bless me.
God is truly loving and so are you. Life is never easy and some times we learn things the hard way, but it is not how we start the race, but how we finish. With God's grace, I pray that we all finish the race and hear our heavenly Father say, well done.
God truly is amazing, isn't he GCG? Just when we think we're at the precipice, He comes along and rescues us.
I understand the healing part, too. I've worked with women who chose to have abortions and then later...sometimes days, sometimes years...they come to regret it and they feel awful about it. There's no reconciling that with some of these women, either. Even though it was something legal that they did, it was NOT right.
All we can do is learn from our mistakes. God is a forgiving God, so we know that our slate will be wiped clean on judgment day because of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for us. He died for you, too, GCG, as well you know, so feel his loving arms around you, 'kay?
Oh, and mine, too...
And mine too
But the kids in Russia are throw aways who end up in adult prisons or the subways or worse. When you adopt a kid out of an orphanage in Russia you make room for one to come off the streets. Not saying that domestic adoption is wrong, just adding that there is a real safety and quality of life issue to consider.
There was a time when my husband and I considered adopting, but it was so complicated and expensive and we just couldn't afford it and we didn't really think of adopting from Russia or China because we couldn't afford to fly out there and go through the process over in another country. (It's strange that even working for an airline, it still would of cost thousands more than we had).
I do try and give to various charities that help children in other countries. Although, I don't know how much money truly reaches the children in need.
I'm not at all against foreign adoptions. However, I tend to think we should take care of our nearest neighbors first. I can tell you with certainty that the older kids in the US system are also throwaways who will likely fare poorly.
That is very true Belinda. I know of many kids who ended up making bad decisions and some are in jail now. They didn't have much of a home life and they pretty much lived off the streets. Some of my friends from high school never graduated because they got into things and got pregnant and ended up on the street and eventually they did get some help... but yes, our own kids here need our help and support.
Our state won't terminate both parental rights unless there is someone in line to take over custody of the child.
Heck, I can't even get my state to terminate my oldest son's father's rights simply because he pays a nominal child support now and then when he is threatened with jail. My husband wants to adopt my oldest son (and with the exception of a formal legal document has) but cannot because my ex won't sign the consent form (he wants me to sign off on all his child support, something I don't have the authority to do) and we can't terminate his rights.
To me, the adoption laws of my state are very screwed up. I think the fact that it costs SO MUCH money to adopt a child is ridiculous...I think the redtape is somewhat needed but also borderline ridiculous.
It's a very easy system to give a child up for adoption - I have no clue why it isn't as easy to adopt.
I agree. I think most states have screwed up adoption laws. It is completely ridiculous how much money it is to adopt. I can understand screening adoptive parents and making sure it's a good fit with them and a child. I understand doing a profile check and all of the other research on people who want to adopt, but I don't know why it is so expensive and you ask a very good question, why is it easy to give a baby up for adoption, but most difficult to adopt one.
Interesting.
God Bless
